[ApatheticGuy]

Hi everyone... I've had depression for the past 5 years and it has ruined my life. I feel like life is pointless, and I almost feel as if I'm losing my sanity, to the point where I believe life isn't real... this isn't reality, that life is a dream/feels like a dream. It doesn't feel real. It might be derealization... but I think depression has caused this.

I have no interests in anything... I mean nothing. Today is Christmas, I've received gifts and should appreciate them... but I can't. I felt nothing... and knowing that makes me feel worst (well.. I don't feel... it's hard to explain, but you get the idea). I feel like it's over, and that there really is no pointing in even trying. Christmas feels like it's just any ordinary day... it means nothing to me. My birthday will be coming up shortly... but I honestly don't even care. Nothing excites me anymore...

Nothing interests me... I have no motivation. I don't want to talk to people... I don't even see the purpose of doing so... and I can't enjoy anything? I mean, I truly think (or "feel") that my life is finito (finished). I feel like I have been cursed with bad luck... I can't explain this, but anything I do, something bad always happens... like pretty much always. I can't even explain (and probably shouldn't) because people may think I'm idiotic or something... or they wouldn't believe me. lol

I truly feel like it's over... family tried to "cheer me up"... but they don't understand. So, I'm on day 5 of taking SANDOZ BUPROPION (generic of Wellbutrin) 100 MG (SR). I know it's too quick to say anything, but I haven't experienced any changes other than headaches and having one dream that almost felt real and colorful... it was pretty cool. I don't feel like I have any energy (people say they feel like they're on speed and feel euphoric)... I still feel tired, maybe a bit less... but I still occasionally take naps. I'm scared of taking SSRI's because they are known to numb emotions (which is not what I want)... and I feel like if Wellbutrin doesn't work for me, then I'm really, really screwed.

I have a few questions for people who have experienced lack of emotions/no desire to do anything/no interests in anything...

1) What medications did you take that made you regain emotions/motivation/interests in doing stuff/interest in life again
2) Do you ever regain the interests of the things you used to like?
3) Do you feel like person you were pre-depression while on meds?

I'm a realist (or maybe a pessimist) but is recovery even possible? It truly is IMPOSSIBLE to see that I will get better again. I just don't think it's possible... I feel like it's irreversible damage.

Someone please tell me it's possible to recover... none of this "blind optimism b.s"... I believe people who are optimistic are delusional. I'm a realist, and only believe in the truth. So... I want to know the truth... is there hope or is my life ruined?

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, ApatheticGuy! I'm definitely in your demographic.

1) What medications did you take that made you regain emotions/motivation/interests in doing stuff/interest in life again

In the earliest stages of my descent into depression some of the SSRIs did not interfere much with my ability to sustain interests. Nevertheless, the meds did not prevent everything from becoming increasingly difficult over time, and depression eventually took over my life.

That said, depression is not the only thing wrong with me. I have a couple medical conditions that long went undiagnosed, probably due to the doctors attributing all my symptoms to depression. Unfortunately, treating those other conditions has not alleviated the depression.

2) Do you ever regain the interests of the things you used to like?

A little. My powers of concentration are a shadow of what they once were and my mind wanders. Apathy dominates, but I experience times when I can lightly pursue a few old and a few new interests. All of these interests, however, are solitary. I remain a hermit.

3) Do you feel like person you were pre-depression while on meds?

Never. I can't tell if that's because of the meds, the depression and anxiety themselves, the other stuff or the whole stew.

---

I don't know if my case is "hopeless," but I now live my life without reference to hope. "Hope" is just not useful for me in managing and coping with my current existence.

[Sam2]

Hi there. You describe a feeling that is all too familiar. First, I want to tell you that I think you have guts for trying therapy of any kind. The time that you most need help is the time that you are least capable of reaching out.

Your first question about what medications have made me feel human again is complicated. I've been depressed for close to forty years, but there are complications that have gotten in the way of a cure. As a late teen into my early twenties, several medications were tried on me. MAOIs, Melarill and countless others. All made me none functional. I was either vomiting, hallucinating, or unable to get off the floor because the drugs dropped my blood pressure so low. In my late thirties, the newer anti-depressants were tried, not for depression, but for chronic, uncontrollable migraines. (A side effect of many of those drugs is that at low doses, patients report fewer migraines). Even at less than therapeutic doses, I was on the floor again. So, to answer that question, I can't rely on medications to make me feel human.

That being said, I have clients who have told me that they felt much better on various anti-depressants, and that it took a while to kick in, but once it did, they were functional again. The odds are good enough that if you aren't bowled over by side effects, go for it.

DO I EVER REGAIN INTERST IN THINGS I USED TO LIKE?
Sometimes. I"ll admit that it is a real struggle, especially getting started. My animals help me more than anything. My shepherd stands by me 24-7, and forces me to get out walking. Watching him enjoy the walks so much gives me some happiness. Before the migraines cut my work back to 15 hours a week, I was able to fullfill a dream of having a couple of horses. Once I could no longer work as much, a very good friend refused to let me sell them, so they push me to get out to them, interact with them and ride. As far as normal interests, its pretty bleak.

Your final question, I really can't answer because I'm not on anti-depressants. Just medications to try and control pain. (The side effect of those is lethargy and depression). Depending on why you are depressed, ie a specific incident or chemical imbalance, I think there is a chance to regain a good quality of life. You have to want it, work for it and accept that every day is not going to be great. As long as you are alive, there is hope.

Sam2

[mysterylane84]

I have been taking medication for eleven years, and have been on a number of antidepressants. The one I am on now is the Buproprin (Wellbutrin) SR 150twice a day. For the past 3 years I was on 100 mg twice a day, but recently had to up it do to the bad weather and some things that have been happening in my life. However, out of all the antidepressants Buproprin has worked the best. I don't want to scare you but I had some very bad side effects for about a month when I first went on it. But I was also going through the Paxil withdrawals the same time they first started me on Buproprin. So I'm not positive how much was the Paxil and how much was the Burproprin. The derealization you were talking about I've had off on through my life, but the side effects of Burproprin seems to intensifies it. I did alot of research when I first went on it to know what exactly was possible as far as sideeffects and that seemed to help me deal with them because I knew the medication was what was causing it. If you are willing to stick it out for a month or so it should help you. It does feel like a little like speed at first, but after that second month I leveled out and no longer felt what is best described as a mania episode. I am not bipolar so this was the first mania I had ever experienced, but it faded. I hope this information is helpful.