[NishQuiche92]

I'm not sure how to tell my mom I wont be working or returning to school for awhile...in my family, neither of these options are acceptable...
However, I am in a bit of a financial crisis...the other day I had a total mental breakdown when DSHS called me back to say that...despite me not having any source of income, and being on the verge of being homeless, I still did not qualify for any assistance...However, yesterday I received a call telling me that I actually DO qualify as long as I am not a student...I am not working or going to school right now because both my therapist and my doctor told me to take some time off, to help treat my depression...so I am weighing taking time off to not only qualify for food and cash assistance, but to help get myself better versus me trying to put my depression aside and not disappoint my mom and family....in the end I decided that taking care of my health would be more beneficial in the long run. I am not sure how to explain this to her...Last quarter in school, I was struggling with Severe depression to the point where I was having panic attacks from trying to leave my home...one of my teachers was willing to work with me, the other...not so much...long story short, I lost my financial aid due to failing a class...despite me trying to work with the teacher and the school...I feel like I want to tell her, but every time I try I can't find the words...I know she will be angry and disappointed with me (I have never failed a class my entire life until this point)..and I am not sure if I can handle that...financially, I am not in the best place right now...but my boyfriend, whom I live with, has found a job and we will be caught up financially sometime in the next few months...but I feel like my mom will not understand this, and I hate to feel like I am disappointing her again....I lost my financial aid (for winter and spring quarter though, it's being suspended until next school year) and wouldn't be able to benefit from having some money come in from that anyways..And it's likely that if I WERE to try and push myself through school and work again, I would just continue having breakdowns and just fail another class....Any advice on how to handle this? I DONT want to cause a bunch of upset and drama within my family...but I feel if I tell the truth everything will be messed up and my family will be angry with me...

[Rohag]

NishQuiche92, does your mother genuinely need to know all the details of your situation?

When growing up were you also required to self-report everything about your life? Can you feel comfortable simply not reporting everything to your mother?

[Sam2]

Sometimes parents can surprise you. Your parents may already know that something is going on. Since you are old enough to be on your own, they may not feel comfortable asking you about it, or figure its your business.

Depression changes your personality, the way you live your life and react to others. Often the people around you pick it up regardless of your attempts to hide it.

My parents have always been very private and conservative. I went all the way through junior high and high school trying to behave like a "normal" person. When I eventually did go to my parents, they reacted a lot better than I would have expected. They wanted to help despite the fact that they were probably embarrassed about having a child with severe depression. I think it was almost a relief for them to know what was going on.

Whether or not to tell your parents is a decision only you can make, but you will never know how they will react unless you tell them. There is a big difference between not working or going to school because you don't feel like it and not going because you are ill and can't go. Depression is an illness just as meningitis or pnuemonia. The only difference is that one is a physical illness and one is an emotional illness. You have tried to stay in school and work through this. Now it is clear that you need help. Don't be ashamed of needing help. You did nothing wrong. No one chooses to be depressed, its something that happens to you.

What ever you choose, I wish you luck. Go by your gut an do what you think is right.

Sam2

[Khym]

It looks like you can either choose to please your mother but face the real risk of failing, becoming ill, feeling miserable and throwing yourself into an emotional pit you may never climb out of or displeasing your mother but giving yourself time to heal and regain your strength and ultimately succeed, which of course would make your mother proud of you. I know I"m over simplifying the issues you're facing but sometimes that is the best way to prevent over-thinking a problem to the point where you become paralyzed with anguish and indecision.

[shortandcute]

I agree--if you don't absolutly have to tell her, then don't. I've been kind of worried about kind of the same thing. I finally had to start taking meds, and I've been really afraid to tell my sister because she frowns on that. With the help of my psychiatrist, counselor, and a couple of friends, I have figured out that I don't need to tell her anything!

[liveforfish]

Have you talked to your school guidance counselor? I had to w/draw from a semester due to mental illness. They put a medical withdrawal and I didn't loose my financial aid. Try looking into that. I ended up taking a year or two off, got on the right meds, and went back to finish.

It happens. Get yourself better, that's more important then anything else.

Your mom may or may not understand. Don't let that sress you more.

[GreyThinker]

I kinda agree with other posters here that your parents might surprise, and you do need to tell them something. Why don't you start by telling them that you suffered severe depression last semester.... and as a result of that failed your subject.... and as a result of that have lost funding for a while... but that that is a good thing because you have been advised to take some time to get yourself together again? If you take a while to say all this, and give your mother time between revelations to absorb what you are saying, you might find her quite sympathetic and willing to support you till you feel better.

I suppose there are some families that might be angry about this... you know your family best. But if you put it like that, and seeing that you have never failed a subject before, perhaps they will take a breath first? If not, well at least you have been open with them. Their reaction reflects on who they are, not on who you are. You just need to do what is best for you at the moment.

Hugs... hope you soon feel better.