[messedupteen]

I am a 16 year old girl and I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, BDD (body dysmorphic disorder), general anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder.

I am basically just one huge mess. Every second of life is agony. It's so painful. I don't know what is wrong with me but I am so...affected by a great deal. I think about suicide all the time and was close to attempting it once before my mum stopped me. There is not an hour that goes by where I don't think of suicide.

I achieved straight A*s in my GCSE exams and was all set to achieve high grades in my A Levels. But with everything I have been achieving poor grades and don't feel any motivation to work hard anymore. My academics used to be very important to me and it has just made me worse. I have exams in June but they cause irrational fear and I feel like I would rather die than sit them.

I was all set to go to a top law school but that is never going to happen now. I am an absolute mess. I am constantly crying and my eyes are always red.

And I know there are people out there worse off than me. Heck I live a very privileged life: well off family, spoiled rotten, receive a private education etc.

But I am just so destroyed mentally. I can't explain it. It doesn't get better at all. I feel like life is going to be a constant pain until I die.

I am too sensitive most of all. Everything just gets to me but it gets to me so deeply, like a stab in the heart and it drives me insane.

Please help, because I'm one big mess and just at the lowest point. I'm hopeless.

[Touch of gray]

teen, please try to be a little easy on yourself. Your being young certainly doesn't trivialize your problems, but you are young & you're still getting to know yourself. Your painful sensitivity may someday develop into a deep empathy and compassion that you'll be able to cherish. You mention diagnoses, so maybe you're seeing a councilor or therapist? If not, it might help you if you have someone outside of family and close friends to talk with. At least keep posting here to get whatever support PC folks can provide. My therapist always tells me I'm too hard on myself - maybe that's something depressed folks have in common.

[montanan4ever]

Hi there. I remember so painfully well what it was like when I was 16 and in the throes of depression and other stuff. I was undiagnosed at the time and in a situation where my only "crutches" were religion and a profoundly dysfunctional 12 step setup. I particularly remember the crushing agony and how adult after adult insisted that it "wasn't that bad" compared to whatever they were thinking of as "bad."

Trust me, I know it really IS that bad.

I have just one piece of good news for you: You have gotten enough diagnoses to have some hope for some treatment that *can* work. This is something that I sure didn't have back then, and that lots of folks your age still don't. It really is a forward step, even though the labels and the process and stuff feel horrific.

Also, one thought from the perspective of someone easily old enough to be your mom who was in that kind of rotten shape at your age: Life can still be good. Sometimes the hardest thing is to just keep putting one foot in front of the other foot and moving forward an inch at a time.

I'm glad you posted and I hope you write more.

[NoCake]

When I was about 18 and in high school my depression hit so hard that I had Cs and Ds in every class. I was "smart" but I didn't really care about school until I was in danger of failing. After I started caring again I managed to pass all of my classes except English. I flunked that and I didn't walk. Then I went to summer school. I was so messed up that I failed that too. Then I had to repeat at the same school I failed at... Almost failed again...

Why? Because I didn't care. It didn't matter that I was smart or anything like that. I skipped grades like stoners skip class. But I felt like nothing in life was important anymore and things went downhill. I failed because I didn't believe in myself or anyone else. And a lot of kids your age think that it's all about who's smarter or faster or whatever but it's not. The smarter person doesn't always get the job and the fastest person doesn't always win the race. But the one that pushes hardest usually does all those things. All you need to do is look at the graduate employment rate if you need proof.

So maybe you just lost your inspiration to do what you're doing and that's what you need to find.