In need of some help.

I'm 20 years old, with the worst life you can possible imagine; now you'd think something like "at least you're not living in Africa" or "it could be much worse" these have no relevance whatsoever, and won't help to change or improve my attitude on life. My life is stagnant, boring, and dull. I am fed up of being this way. It's like I'll never ever know any of the sources to my behaviour and problems. It's like I just have to accept it, which there is no way I will accept myself. Not a chance, I have to ****tiest humour tastes ever, by far the WORST EVER. So bad it's just unbearable. It's because of that I can't laugh at a sitcom, stand up comedian, joke, anecdote, you name it. Everyone else can laugh, but me; but if I do, it's something that's so pathetic, stupid, childish and random it's not even funny. I am unwilling to accept myself. I hate myself, I hate having to live with mild symptoms of blunted affect, and subconsciously refusing to move away from my comfort zone. I am stuck there all the time. I hate my boring life. I am insecure. I have no decent qualifications, like GCSEs. (If you have good GCSEs at A-C and high A-level grades, quite frankly I envy you) I hate the fact that I am working at BELOW entry level maths. I don't have a learning difficulty, before anyone mentions. I have autism but this has nothing to do with my maths. I hate my house, there is nothing positive in my life. I will not think positive, because there is nothing to be positive about. I strongly suspect to be narcissistic, I suffer from inferiority and superiority complex. I have to live at home, where it is shabby, old fashioned, vile and grim. I don't know anything about anything, I am not intelligent, I am naturally stupid. I don't know ANYTHING about different subjects like science, history, economics, current affairs. I am the dumbest and most stupidest person alive today. I also suspect that struggle with outward expressions but I don't get irritated much. I really need some help, I went to the doctors this week regarding counselling and I was given a questionnaire to fill in, I will be back next week at the doctors but if I get referred it may be a while because NHS waiting lists.

good morning, Dark Soldier....we tell ourselves or others tell us things like "at least you're not living in Africa" or "it could be much worse" but it misses the point because this has no meaning if we are depressed. we have to work on getting well before we can appreciate what it means. don't be hard so hard on yourself. If you need to laugh at something childish, do it! it will help. also, you are not dumb. if you can read, if you can think and post messages you are not dumb. if you are concerned about not knowing anything, can you visit the library? you can find all kinds of interesting stuff there, even if you have to get books for beginners which is what I do sometimes if I want to learn something new. learning anything new and working with your hands is healing to your brain. it does take time but don't give up and don't be so hard on yourself, we value you here

I hope that therapy helps you. It has been life saving for me. Please try to hang in there.

Thanks to both of you for your replies, it is appreciated.

How are you today, Dark Soldier? Sending you (((hugs))). You seem to be in a hard spot at the moment but hang in there. It may comfort you to know that most twenty-year olds don't really understand themselves and suffer from inferiority complexes, are confused about where their lives are going and seriously suspect that everyone else knows things they don't. I am not saying this to downplay what you feel, but don't be fooled by what you see around you. For all you know, those confident popular peers of yours just get by by pretending they know what they are doing, and by putting a brave face on things. We all have voices in our heads telling us negative and horrible things about ourselves,somehow we have to learn to argue back. You probably know a lot more than you think, too . What would you like to learn more about?? Maria500's idea of a library is a great one, libraries are amazing places. Myself, I just cruise up and down the shelves picking out books that catch my eye... I might not know everything about anything, but it is a good way to learn a little bit about lots of things.

This is me, summed up: http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=math

I can't do any maths.

At the moment, I'm not really in the mood to be typing out large amounts of text. But I'll do it later on soon. But what I will say for now is, I have been screwed over in terms of my education. I don't work at an adequate level of maths and my college is rather useless, I'm starting to question the integrity of the process of the support classes, I'm constantly being told "it's being sorted" and nothing but. As though there is a load of stuff getting in the way. These are for maths. I don't have a maths qualification. I am terrible at it; yes, a lot of people say this but I don't even know how to do my times tables, division, multiplication or subtraction in my head. I greatly envy those who are good at it, I think they are lucky because they have that education and I do not. I worry that I will end up being stuck at home for the rest of my life.

Dark Soldier, there are some good programs available on the web or in games stores that teach maths. While they might be set up for children with pictures and reward beeps and things, they are still valid ways to learn. Some are a lot of fun. Perhaps you can find one and teach yourself? I used to teach remedial math and I do know most difficulties in math start because some simple concept was not properly understood at the very beginning. I recommend you start right from the beginning and work through all the exercises, even if they seem too easy. As for times tables, the only way to learn them is to say them over and over - pick one and say it ten times a day for a week, then add a second one. Another good way to learn times tables is to find a children's tape or CD which puts them in a song and learn that . Sounds silly, but it works surprisingly well. Don't worry if you can't do sums in your head, lots of people can't do that - that's what paper and pencils are for .

that works for me too! for things that are hard to grasp, a child's book is great. it doesn't assume that you have all the back ground already. they give you the key pieces you need to go on.