if you get the title then that is what i feel like im fighting.

i have been single now for a little over a week, i have not seen cathy since the 7th shes in a mental hospital in TN and it is my fault for how i treated her. all my friends take my side and it makes me feel worse. and all her friends take my side as well. i kept it private i isolated her from people in her family that i thought hurt her and because of steph and john filling her ear while i couldent talk to her she said we were done, she is going back to her ex from before me. 2 years down the drain, i moved from TN to AR where i cant get my mental health taken care of. i have 16 days worth of abilify left. so i take it when i been getting to far depressed and wanting to kill myself like i was this morning. i feel alone completely. i had to switch my SSDI case from TN to AR and i have to call them monday. that is what short term ideal is keeping me alive the long term is my brother (best friend since grade school) he will graduate from basic in the end of Feb. its not much but i keep my word and i said i would be their for him. he means a lot in my life doing things i just cant do. im hurting and scared and this is a mix of relationship and my bi polar then suicide. thats why i posted it here... cathy is on here too but she wont read my posts shes like i said indisposed. i miss her but she said she was done and called herself a ghost to me.

so yea it feels like im fighting Balrog each day. and for the people who do not know its the fire guy from lord of the rings. where gandolf says you shall not pass....

and i want to ask something is it bad that if i am feeling suicidal or really bad in my head if i listen to songs about it it makes me worse then better... like i listened to bother by stone sour then hurt by johnny cash then 30 mins by tatu... i felt like doing it while listing to the song but after its over i start to feel a little better... i dont know if that is odd or something...

Anything people's... i know it sounds like life but i was hopeing for advice or another point of view.

[sabby]

Hey james,

I'm sorry for what you are going through right now. I'm sure it feels like nothing is going right or in the time that would be your time. Just hold on, and know that things will happen in their own way but you will get what you need.

I just wanted you to know that I moved your thread to this Depression forum as I think you will get support than having it in the Other Mental Health Forum.

Just know that just because you are thinking of suicide, doesn't mean that you have to do it. You can accept the thought but bypass what it suggests that you do. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Take care of yourself right now and work on the other stuff when you are feeling better.

Take good care!
sabby

Does this make you Gandalf?

Btw, Balrog is the first of the four bosses in Street Fighter 2. He's the boxer guy.

[IowaFarmGal]

Hello James912! Sorry you are going through this. Please take care of yourself, don't give up and everything will work out eventually. It' sound like you at least are taking care of what you need to get done with your SSDI. I hope that sorts out quickly for you. Hugs and wishing you well!

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Does this make you Gandalf?

Btw, Balrog is the first of the four bosses in Street Fighter 2. He's the boxer guy.

i forgot about that, that made me laugh, thank you

thank you all i know i just feel like im fighting a losing battle.