[Khym]

I'm depressed again but actually it's a continuation of the same depression I always have. The maddening thing, if I can use such a phrase, is that I know there's no reason to be depressed. My life has been complicated and sad for a very long time but I can also look at it from a slightly different vantage point and see that it's not that bad. But, unless I CONSTANTLY remind, cajole and badger myself into remaining at that vantage point I deftly slip back to the place where everything is awful. It's as if I have a choice between happy and sad and chose sad unless I keep myself under strict supervision at all times.

[MudCrab]

Hello, Khym. It seems you know vigilance is the key.

[TheRealFDeal]

Sounds exhausting. And exhausting will only pull you down. You may just be clinically depressed and need some help. Maybe the right meds and/or therapy would be helpful.

[Khym]

Originally Posted by MudCrab

Hello, Khym. It seems you know vigilance is the key.

I do and resent it. I see other people apparently enjoying their lives without the need to supervise themselves the way I seem to have to do.

[Khym]

Originally Posted by TheRealFDeal

Sounds exhausting. And exhausting will only pull you down. You may just be clinically depressed and need some help. Maybe the right meds and/or therapy would be helpful.

I am clinically depressed. PTSD too. I've been on prescription meds, with assorted results, but at the moment I'm trying to manage on therapy and herbals.

[GreyThinker]

Originally Posted by Khym

I'm depressed again but actually it's a continuation of the same depression I always have. The maddening thing, if I can use such a phrase, is that I know there's no reason to be depressed. My life has been complicated and sad for a very long time but I can also look at it from a slightly different vantage point and see that it's not that bad. But, unless I CONSTANTLY remind, cajole and badger myself into remaining at that vantage point I deftly slip back to the place where everything is awful. It's as if I have a choice between happy and sad and chose sad unless I keep myself under strict supervision at all times.

Khym, thanks for this... it describes my state quite well too. I am always working to pull myself up. It makes me very wary of any good day because I know (or at least suspect) that tomorrow I will wake up feeling awful again. It is like my brain switches between up and down while I sleep, and I never know how I will wake up. Like you, there are times when I feel soooooooo unhappy about my life but really, if someone else was living it, they might well be quite happy. I know my issue is me, not my life.. and it makes me realllllllly hard to live with, I know... and I feel sorry for everyone around me who have to deal with my unpredictability, which makes me feel even worse. So yes, most days I feel like I am holding myself up by my braces .

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by Khym

I'm depressed again but actually it's a continuation of the same depression I always have. The maddening thing, if I can use such a phrase, is that I know there's no reason to be depressed. My life has been complicated and sad for a very long time but I can also look at it from a slightly different vantage point and see that it's not that bad. But, unless I CONSTANTLY remind, cajole and badger myself into remaining at that vantage point I deftly slip back to the place where everything is awful. It's as if I have a choice between happy and sad and chose sad unless I keep myself under strict supervision at all times.

It's hard for me to accept that in many ways I am the only one that can fix me... I have to go to my appointments, I have to watch my attitude, I have to take my meds, I have to try to be healthy, etc.

It's so darn hard to do all of this when you're fighting depression. And it's particularly stressful when others seem to think you're not trying...

I, too, have a decent life. Many blessings, actually. But I have this illness -- depression. And depression hits people in all sorts of circumstances.

I like being able to come here, though. So far, I haven't been met with criticism, which seems to make me crash and burn...