[Onward2wards]

Lately I have been re-examining my life and the issues that have bothered me for years. I've realized that a combination of low self-esteem, shaky self-confidence, worry-prone thinking, very poor assertiveness and social phobias have been major problems; and I have been feeling a serious lack of positive elements in my life, as well as too many stressors recently.

Meds do not work very well for me, but I decided to go back on them because I have been getting severely anhedonic and apathetic in the past months, as bad as I've ever felt. Today I was running late for work, all stressed out, and forgot to take my new short-acting med. All day long I started to brood on my problems, feel anhedonic again, stressed beyond belief, and even started to think some self-destructive thoughts.

It may have been a low med level contributing to it, BUT, I managed to pull myself out!!! I started thinking, "Even an animal caught in a trap - a very real, drastic situation - will gnaw its own leg off if necessary, to escape and survive. So ... why are you not DOING anything, Onwards? Do you feel so powerless? What if it were a friend who was feeling this low? Wouldn't you feel sad that they were giving up on themselves? Do you not care about yourself anymore? FIGHT THIS!!!!!"

And then I realized that yes, my issues with low confidence and low self-esteem must be far worse than I had ever realized ... and I started to shake the negativity off, I fought back!!! I fought for myself.

I was AMAZED to realize how much of my problems really are psychological, and that I can fight them. Therapy last year has helped so much, as has having good friends who let me care.

[bellageek]

That's awesome that you're fighting. I think that's one of the biggest steps we all need to reach, learning that you can fight back instead of taking it lying down. Hoping for more good days for you with wonderful epiphanies.

That's excellent news Onward. It's funny how quick we are to look to medicines and quick fix things for problems rather than first letting our incredible minds try and work out the issues at hand. I'm extremely happy for you and hope you can keep successfully winning these battles day in and day out. Even if you lose the next one remember the time you won, and it'll help you knowing you have done it, and can do it again.

["Tilly may"]

Yay! It sounds like you really tackled a big wall. I am impressed and encouraged by you. Sometimes i forget to take my meds and i freak and lose it. Good for you for being so strong!

[GreyThinker]

Congratulations, sounds like a great breakthrough! You seem to have found a good balance of therapy, friends, strategies and meds...hope you keep moving on and up :-)