Low Self Esteem/Vent/Derealization

Hello.

I just really needed to vent and talk about some things.

So basically, like I talked about in my last post, I want to be sad/depressed when I'm not, because it's the only thing that makes me feel safe, because I'm used to it. Well, I've been feeling that, but I've also been feeling, that my "problems" aren't as bad as some people's are. So, therefore I don't matter, and I'm a fake.

Those thoughts really make me feel bad about myself. They make me [I]want[I] to have worse problems. Which is kind of odd I know. But I can't help but feel like that.

Another thing that has been happening, is that I feel completely unreal, like I'm watching my life as a movie, and I'm not actually in it. I did some research, and I'm pretty sure that it's Derealization disorder. Has anyone else experienced that?

I looked up symptoms of Derealization disorder and I can relate to almost all of them, it said that some of the causes are: Depression and Anxiety, both which I have. It also said, that it can be caused by PTSD or Repeated Trauma, which makes me wonder if I have some PTSD/Trauma that is buried deep inside me.

Anyway, sorry for the vent. I just had to let some things out.

Hi Abby, what an interesting post! Do you also sometimes feel like you are just a brain that inhabits a body but isnt really connected to it...like the little alien in men in black? Or like you are floating above your body ... Or like you are really small and looking up watching everything going on? Sometimes the sense of disconnectedness for me is so disorienting I suffer really bad vertigo. is this derealisation something like that?

This publish is really awesome.

Hi. Thank you for your comment. I haven't really been feeling any of those things, but I do feel like, the little voice inside my brain is the real me, and my speaking voice in another person. Sometimes when I'm talking to myself, I tell myself aloud to be quiet because I'm annoying myself... But I don't think that has anything to do with it. I have suffered vertigo in the past, but haven't had it for about a year...

Honey, you're definitely NOT a fake! Just because your problems aren't as bad as some peoples does NOT mean you don't matter!!! Good grief, they are YOUR problems, and they HURT. Don't EVER minimize your problems, because they do hurt you and they matter! You can't compare them to anyone else's -- no one knows whose pain hurts worse. We think our pain hurts the worst. And isn't that all that matters at the moment?

And i think sometimes we wish we had worse problems because we want and NEED more attention! We just don't get the attention we need. It sometimes feels like we're pushed aside, or that our doctors & therapist are minimizing our problems, and making them seem "'less than' they really are. When we're depressed we WANT attention. We WANT to be listened to. And most of us don't have anyone to talk to -- not anyone who will REALLY listen. Right? So we figure that if we had worse problems, we'd get more attention. I've felt like that before. But then i thought about it and was grateful I really didn't have worse problems than I had.

I hope you're feeling better. Take care of yourself, okay? You sound like you're doing pretty good actually. God bless & please take care. Hugs, Lee

Wow. Thank you so much for your comment. Yes, you're right, that is how we feel don't we? And yes, I do feel pushed aside by people, and I do want to be heard. So this makes sense. Thank you. I will take care, and you do too!

What "publish" are you talking about?