What are some of the hardest things about depression?

Not remembering what "real life" feels like...like doing things with friends like going out to dinner, shopping, laughing...foreign concepts. Even when I just hear other people talk about them. I have no remembrance whatsoever of what they felt like. I feel nothing but coldness.

Having other people ask "How was your weekend?" "So what did you do this weekend?" Clearly "slept and bawled my eyes out" won't work as answers. Best to eliminate ANY friend who asks this. But really, best to eliminate all friends.

Part of the same thing...being forced to hang around what I call the "white picket fence people"...forced because they are relatives with immaculate marriages and new puppies and jobs and HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY. (I left early thanksgiving and skipped Xmas...I had a "migraine".)

The shame of not having control of everyday tasks.

The pain and aches all over.

I love to sleep but endlessly hate myself for sleeping my life away.

Not standing up for myself.

Loneliness -perceived or real.

The constant wish of death while living.

Should I really keep going?

The psychic battle that takes place in my head between thinking positive and thinking negative.

The loss of my professional career and the resultant loss of self respect and loss of respect by my family and peers.

Today it's being reminded that all but one friend deserted me when I crashed.

My best friend of 35 years dropped me like a hot rock. I guess she wasn't really my friend.

I can relate to this situation, some like we are deceiving our selves to be looking strong and happy so that other people especially our love ones will not worry, though there are some cases we cannot hide what we really feel, what we can do for our selves, is to merely express what we really feel inside so we can free the burden we may have.

I'd like to say that I have read what you all had to say, and I feel many of the same things.

Some of the hardest things about depression in my life are:

-Recently, pretending that I care enough to want to fix myself when I really don't care about anything and want to die.

-I totally feel for the "put on a happy face" thing. But I have stopped trying to put on one, its been a while now. Only sometimes people will trick me into smiling or laughing and then my therapist wonders how I can not be happy when I occasionally smile. And that pisses me off to no end.

-Being SO lonely, I can't explain it. I feel absolutely no connection or bond between anyone on this planet. I feel closer to my freaking cat.

-I feel the same as NoCake, being unable to speak. Sometimes it seems I just don't have the energy to do so, other times I feel just totally dead.

-Being so physically weak that I can barely move, I haven't the energy to do much of anything.

-Feelings of inevitable doom to all things in existence and there is nothing I can do about any damn thing and that there is no justice to right the real wrong that is the First Cause.

-The rage that builds up in my being when hearing other people that don't understand mentally ill people talk about them (or people that just don't understand much about humans at all) and also not being able to tell them I am someone who is mentally ill and I'm sitting RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.

When you just want to be left alone and a family member keeps pushing themselves on you. Like continually talking when you really aren't engaging and you don't know how to express to them that you just want to be left alone. At the same time you know being alone is a problem in and of itself.

*the lack of motivation to do the things I really need to do
*not wanting to do anything for enjoyment
*wanting desperately to talk to someone about how bad I feel, but I avoid people because I feel I'm only bothering them with my problems
*the negative thoughts taking over my brain
*the feeling of worthlessness
*the feeling of hopelessness