[max8945]

i'm new to the group and this is my first post. i am 30 years old and have been suffering from depression for years. it's been getting increasingly worse over the past few years, and right now i feel like it's the worst it's ever been. i've been seeing a psychiatrist for 6 years and have been on medication for 10+. i tried therapy for a few years, but had to stop because of scheduling problems and a busy job. despite all of this, i am profoundly unhappy with my life. i'm hoping that reaching out here might help me in some way.

my biggest issue right now is poor sleep, excessive daytime fatigue, non-existent self-esteem, and binge eating/drinking. also, i routinely get up in the middle of the night and eat. doesn't matter what: chips, yogurt, cereal, anything...i've even made popcorn and frozen meals. because i have no energy and a job with chaotic hours, i rarely work out anymore. i was a collegiate athlete, so gaining 60+ pounds and becoming sedentary/obese is really hard for me to accept. i don't date and haven't had a relationship for almost 8 years. i have no friends, and when i'm not working i watch tv and sleep. i constantly worry about what others think of me. my concentration and memory have worsened. all of this has begun to affect my work performance, which is distressing because i am a physician. i focus almost entirely on my job, because i am so unhappy with my personal life. i am good at my job, but feel that i would be better and definitely happier if i could resolve some of my personal issues.

this isn't the way i thought my life would be going at this point. i have the job i've always wanted. i worked my *** off to get here. why am i so miserable? if anyone has any insight or shares similar problems, i'd love to hear from you. thanks

[GreyThinker]

It sounds funny asking if you have seen your doctor since you are one, but a lot of what you say could be related to poor sleep. Sleep deprivation and depression are so closely linked, at least in me, that it hard to tell what is causing what. maybe there is some deep anxiety keeping you awake? A talk to a professional somebody surely cant hurt.

[GreyThinker]

Bah sorry but rereading your post i see you have already done that...sorry, didnot mean to discount what you said you have tried...typing on my little phone screen you see...:-\

Sorry you are having a rough time, Max.

I can only speak for myself, of course, but I was diagnosed with ADD at the age of 43 (about 4 years ago)

poor sleep, excessive daytime fatigue, non-existent self-esteem, and binge eating/drinking. also, i routinely get up in the middle of the night and eat. doesn't matter what: chips, yogurt, cereal, anything...i've even made popcorn and frozen meals. because i have no energy

I can say everything you listed applied to my life. Having ADD leaves you exhausted all the time. I had gained weight after going back to college, then I got married and we had a baby right after I finished college. I had battled my weight most of my adult life, but had discovered cycling lost all my extra weight and really enjoyed riding. When I went back to school, the cycling was dropped because I had no time. So I understand the former athlete thing to an extent as well.

ADDer's do things to stay awake. I was self medicating with food. My self-esteem was zero, my home life was more like room mates. Food was something in my control, tasted good, it was fun to go out to eat. My weight was climbing every year. I developed sleep apnea and had a terrible time going to bed. I would be exhausted at 6pm, after work, but with kids there was no bedtime until they were in bed. By the time I could go to bed I was not sleepy... I'd stay up and eventually fall asleep on the couch, then wake up and go to the kitchen and eat whatever I could find.

I'm certainly not saying you have ADD, but I know my exhausted state drove my nocturnal eating. After my diagnosis, I lost 95 lbs and have kept it off for 3 years. I just don't eat as much and I love to walk. The self esteem is back, since I walked out of my ADD Fog.

I hope you find some answers

[montanan4ever]

Have you had a sleep study done? Sleep apnea makes people anywhere from a bit to a LOT nutty, changes appetite and all kinds of things. Your change in body structure puts you, as you already know, into a risk category.

I am also a compulsive / binge eater.

So far all I've found that works for me is to only keep in the house enough food for the day.

Otherwise I'll eat every damn thing in sight.

This course of action isn't for everybody, but for me it has worked out pretty well, and it's nice to sit and think through what I'm going to have and kinda work out all the calories and nutrition in advance.

Sorry you're struggling with this ... And, it's got to be even extra difficult for someone who used to be in good athletic condition.

[layla11]

Hi Max8945, welcome to Psych Central, I somehow stumbled to a sleep clinic. What I found is if your sleep deprived, you body craves more food. It gets to be a habit because your body is using the food for energy to keep functioning without sleep. In my sleep study I stopped breathing over 200 times and didn't get into a rim sleep at all. I have a mask I suppose to wear I night, that I don't. I'm on trazadone and it helps with the sleep. Still waking most the night every hour or so. See my doctor next week and hopefully she will change my meds to something that puts me to sleep. One other thing if your not eating enough during the day, then you will be hungry at night.

The simplest thing to suggest is that you read the new best seller by Dr. David Williams called Wheat Belly.

The use of wheat in our diets (and wheat especially, though barley, rye, and oats are also harmful) is strongly detrimental to our health, according to Dr. Williams.

He refutes everything the U.S. government says about eating whole wheat as a wholesome addition to our diets. On the contrary, Dr. Wiliams asserts that it causes addiction, raises blood glucose level higher than sugar, is responsible for some cases of brain damage, affects sleeping (causes insomnia), acne, and many, many other illnesses, including depression, and wide mood swings (common in bipolar illness, not to mention that it's a number 1 weight gain substance)

If that book doesn't really settle in with you, doctor, nothing will in terms of changing eating habits to increase health and well-being.

The writer who suggests a sleep apnea test is on target. Lack of REM sleep can cause many problems, one of them being fatigue. Your system's "battery" is recharged during REM sleep, and if you aren't getting enough of it, you're going to have all kinds of symptoms starting with needing to take naps in the afternoon, eating improperly--particularly foods that rapidly convert into gluocose.

Did you know that two slices of whole wheat bread convert rapidly into the equivalent of two TABLESPOONSFUl of sugar? It's more detrimental than eating sugar, according to Dr. Williiams (who is a cardiac specialist and treats improving cardiac conditions by removing wheat from the diet, for one thing, in his practice.)

Wheat causes cravings for more leaving the hunger signal of the brain held captive so that the body really doesn't have an honest appraisal of whether it really needs food. Removing wheat from the diet enables the hunger signal to correct itself and the need for excess food becomes inoperable and the diet becomes much more manageable.

Dr. Williams touches it all in his book, including the fact that wheat can cause dementia in some people. His final conclusion is that the more light that is shed on the subject of wheat, the more disturbing the picture becomes for those who ingest it.

One major idea is that when wheat is removed from the diet, the body will not lose any nourishment by removal of grains. Dr. Williams calls it "nonsense" to think that nutrition is disturbed by removal of wheat. Simply supplementing with nuts, seeds, and other nutiritious foods like green vegetables counteracts any loss in vitamins or minerals contained in wheat.

The book is worth your reading, not only for you sake, but for the health of all your family in days and years to come.

[TheRealFDeal]

It definitely sounds like you should be treating your sleep deprivation first and foremost. I wonder how long you have been on the same medication? Is it time to discuss with your pdoc some changes? Have you tried sleeping medication? I personally have been on ambien for almost four years and it works wonders for me. (I just worry that I've lost the ability to put myself to sleep and don't know when I'll know when it's time to come off. I just know it's not right now.)

[max8945]

thanks for the suggestions, everyone. i saw my doc today and we're making some medication adjustments, and adding trazodone to help me sleep. fingers crossed that this helps!

[montanan4ever]

I've had excellent results with trazodone. Hopefully you will as well.

[Jwrn26]

As a medical professional is it hard to overcome the feeling that you should have it all together! I'm a psych nurse with severe depression, anxiety, and eating disorder. Actually questioning whether I'm bipolar. I find it difficult in my area due to lack of mental health facilities not affiliated with my work to seek treatment from someone other than my PCP. I feel like being in this field may exacerbate my depression because I feel guilt that I don't have this under control, so how can I truly help others to heal from their mental health issues?

[2_b_free]

Sleeplessness and depression are probably effecting your other issue. Seeing your pdoc is the best thing. About the relationship and work issues, I have imposters syndrome, I see my achievements as somehow undeserving that I am fooling people in thinking I am better than I feel I am, like a fake. Relationships are the same, I don't value my positive assets as a person, inside I think that I am putting on a facade, being in a relationship would expose me as a fraud.