[hawthoerne]

I suppose the depression forum is the best place to put this. I don't want to leave my house anymore... i mean i want to but i don't... if that makes sense. i am withdrawing even online... withdrawing from one chatroom, then the next. now i'm down to forums..... i dunno if they'll be next. I don't want to go to my Guitar/Vocal lessons because i'm in too much pain/too tired/too disinterested to practice, and i'm afraid she'll get mad at me... but i'm paying her to do this so i dunno..... I'm a little embarassed of the vocal exercises too but that's besides the point. I just............ don't want to do anything anymore. i'm worrying myself........... what's happening to me.............

[gracez]

Hi hawthoerne,

Sounds like depression to me. Have you been diagnosed with depression before? I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad and nervous about it. These are typical symptoms of depression that you're expressing, that many people on this forum experience, including me. I hate leaving my house, routine, and try to avoid being around people.

That being said, it's not the best thing to do, to give in to that. I can't say myself that I'm successful, but I would suggest to you to try not to lose contact with people, take care of yourself, and try to do things you enjoy, etc.

If you haven't been diagnosed with depression before, would you be open to asking your doctor about it and getting some help?

[hawthoerne]

I was diagnosed with dysthymia at 12. I am currently diagnosed with schizoaffective (schizophrenia with a mood disorder essentially), ADHD combined type, Asperger's Syndrome, and Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm on trazodone which is an antidepressant among antipsychotics and anxyolitics, and a medication for my adhd. I just won't be seeing a doctor or a therapist till the week after next and i dunno what to do.............
and i don't enjoy the things i used to anymore

[hawthoerne]

My therapist switched on me. she was the best i ever had and she decided to transfer to a different office and abandon me. She referred me to someone she says knows what he's doing but i dunno if he'll ever be as good as she was............

[Fuzzybear]

[CharactorAssassin]

I suspect we are having this problem more and more in society.
I'm wonder if you are on anti depressants. Could the dosage be too high. Often a doctor will not lower it. Medications if they are too high could make you more afraid to go outside. Take a look at wellbutrin and the SNRI class. Like cymbalta or pristiq. If you are on those it might be worth a try to lower the dose.

[CharactorAssassin]

Actually on a second note I did the exact same thing.

I felt like I didn't measure up at the time I guess. I just gave up on everything. I was wondering if it was some kind of mental confusion. I felt like I wanted to die and it would be better if no one knew me to save them the pain. I also thought that non one would want to hear from a debbie downer. I felt out-classed by everyone I knew.

[hawthoerne]

i just think that i'm not fit to socialize with people. i cause too much trouble. I'm on Trazodone 150mg, Zyprexa 15, Topamax 25mg 2x a day, Concerta 54,

[hawthoerne]

I see kids playing outside and i kinda want to go outside but i'm actually afraid to... perhaps because we heard gunshots twice within 2 months and had to call the police. it hasn't happened in months but i'm still afraid to leave the house ._. is that anything similar to agoraphobia?

[CharactorAssassin]

I think you have a good reason to be afraid to go outside. But then again you are not likely to be a target of a gunshot. The methylphenidate seemed to trigger my agoraphobia. You can try going off that. I had to go off it cause I took too many and it kept me up so I did not sleep

[CharactorAssassin]

We know methyphenidate causes paranoid feelings. You should stop taking it then right? But a doctor who takes it doesn't have the same profile so he can't really understand I don't think.

[hawthoerne]

i don't get anything done (even worse than usual) if i don't take it.... perhaps i could ask my pdoc about it and see if it could be a developing agoraphobia or just a valid fear or maybe the meds. but i don't want to go ANYWHERE. even when i was just afraid of taking walks i was fine getting in the car with my dad and driving off somewhere. now i have an aversion to going to appointments, stores, parks, family events.... the last family event i went to was a bridal shower, where i proceeded to freak out because i thought they didn't like my gift because everyone else was giving them toasters and deep fryers and i gave them a stupid vegetable bowl.... a $50 vegetable bowl mind you.... (my mom helped pay, it was from both of us) but it WAS on their registry so i dunno why they seemed so dissatisfied anyway i really just think its nice and cozy in my room here and there's no reason to leave.......... i've lost the will to go to music lessons too even though i have fun when i'm there...... i just don't want to go >.<

[CharactorAssassin]

Concerns have been raised that long-term therapy might cause drug dependence, paranoia, schizophrenia and behavioral sensitisation, similar to other stimulants.[85] Psychotic symptoms from methylphenidate can include hearing voices, visual hallucinations, urges to harm oneself, severe anxiety, euphoria, grandiosity, paranoid delusions, confusion, increased aggression and irritability. Methylphenidate psychosis is unpredictable in whom it will occur.

[hawthoerne]

see i never had these feelings before on that medication, i've been taking it since i was 6 so i don't really think its that for me at least

[hawthoerne]

i was psychotic off of the drug too. i was psychotic with NO medication at all. i was off of all medication for 5 months i 2010-2011

[CharactorAssassin]

I had what it describes there only when I lost control over it. It sure did give me super powers. With great power came great responsibility. I had to stop.

[liveforfish]

Originally Posted by CharactorAssassin

I think you have a good reason to be afraid to go outside. But then again you are not likely to be a target of a gunshot. The methylphenidate seemed to trigger my agoraphobia. You can try going off that. I had to go off it cause I took too many and it kept me up so I did not sleep

I wouldn't go off any meds without your doctor's advice. Stopping some medication can cause horrible symptoms. My meds would have to be tapered off slowly or I could die.

I understand you're being scared after hearing gun shots. Try to go outside for 5 min a day, then increase to 10min the next week.
Fresh air is good for you.

[hawthoerne]

i've heard about people getting hit by stray bullets in a shootout.... also a lot of people get mugged in this city. its not like i haven't been outside at ALL. i went to music lessons yesterday, i just didn't want to leave the house. my dad had to force me

[CharactorAssassin]

No if you have been on since the age of 6. You probably need to stay on it. I'm very sorry.

[CharactorAssassin]

My doctor said its safe to take. Ignore what I said. Yes we need to practice going outside.

[CharactorAssassin]

The more you go outside you will have more confidence. That's what I find so don't despair.

[hawthoerne]

Maybe if i just stay out of my front yard? and stay in my backyard.... but sometimes its cold and that's bad for my hands (i have raynaud's syndrome, so i get frostbite easier) i DO go outside and go places its just very reluctantly. I live in ohio and its cold here