feeling empty

Well,here I am three and a half months after my partner broke up with me. I have struggled with this crappy depression and it is nothing less than an emotional roller coaster. We were together for nine and a half yrs. There was no infidelity, no drug or alcohol abuse, no violence...we just grew apart I suppose. What hurts the most is she told me many times over the years that we would grow old together, how blessed she was to have a person like me, that I am a wonderful person,how she did not desire anyone else. So contradictory to what she did...she left. She has been in two relationships since she left me, first one lasted three weeks and the one she is in now since the end of December. She seems so conflicted about me. When we are alone she treats me kindly, when others are around she is distant, sometimes cold. We decided to try to maintain a friendship because despite what happened we still love each other....allegedly as friends. This leaves me feeling so freaking alone. I feel abandoned, not valued....sad. I am in therapy right now...but it takes me a while to open up so it is a process. Having said that I like my therapist and feel safe with her. I think I need to write my feelings down and bring it with me to my session, easier for her to get a feel for where I am at. T make my life even more complicated transference seems to be kicking in....something else I have to work thru. I am not comfortable discuss sing these feelings just yet.....just feeling lost and overwhelmed.

Hello 1stepatatime! Welcome to PsychCentral!

It is most difficult for the one who has to be told the relationship is over. You are not alone with these feelings. It is grieving over the loss of the relationship.

I like to think of it as viewing the past memories by looking back while riding the bus out of town.

You will find people here supportive, so feel free to post whatever is on your minds. Other PC members may add to the few words I have written. Take care.

Glad to know you are seeing a therapist.
And may be meanwhile you want to develop some new hobbies ?

Greetings
The strangest part about our break up is that I have lost weight (which I needed to anyways), I started walking initially because I couldn't stand sitting around the house, now I walk several times a week...it helps keep my head clear and I like results. I get more compliments on how good I look,etc. I'm not bragging but just being honest. As much as I hate to admit it I think that maybe we weren't meant to be together in that capacity....but...it doesn't make me feel better. I do have a few hobbies but they cost $$ so I need to be mindful. Many people tell me that we (my ex) and I shouldn't be friends but it is so hard and complicated...we still care about each other however I think she is conflicted...I think we both are.

And that is one of the reasons I rarely visit the PC relationships forum.

Were I to go through such a break-up, I would be emotionally paralyzed for many months if not years. I'm glad you've found walking. May you find other gems, too.

Emotionally paralyzed.....perhaps that is one of the side effects of a break up such as mine. I had dinner tonight, with my daughter, a mutual friend of mine and my ex, and her new partner. I am trying to be graceful but my God it doesn't feel good to be around them. I can spend time with my ex but understandably not when her partner is with her. They are pretty respectful to my feelings but their are minimal p.d.A's which not only makes it uncomfortable for me but it hurts like hell!! My self esteem is at level zero right now and I am holding on by a thread....I wonder if being emotionally paralyzed feels this way or devoid of any emotion?