[DownfallOfUsAll]

I'm fighting with myself to not just give up on everything and stay in bed for the rest of my life right now. I'm struggling so much to find a reason to keep on going. Nothing ever changes. I've always found it so hard to motivate myself into doing anything but even when I do try to change my life and make things better for myself it doesn't seem to work and I just go back to square one.

At the moment I spend nearly everyday at home just on the internet or sleeping or something. I hardly go out anymore because I've got nowhere to go and I've got no money to go very far anyway. Plus it's been too cold out recently and I hate it so I'd rather stay warm indoors.

I'm trying to find a job at the moment but it is the hardest thing in the world. I've never had a job even though I'm almost 20 years old now and I feel like such a failure. I've done a few work experience placements in various shops but not much really. All my old friends have drift away from me because they've made new better friends, they have jobs and social lives and are in long term relationships. I've got none of that.

I've applied for a ton of jobs online recently and barely gotten a thing back. I've only had I think 4 job interviews in my life and of course I've never gotten a job from any of them. I think it's because I'm such a shy person. Although I try and come across as confident and smile and all that it's probably just not enough. I've been shy all my life and I just don't see it ever changing no matter how hard I try. I'm so scared of talking to people and I don't have a clue why and it's just ruining everything.

I've just had enough. I don't want to be a failure but the thought of waking up everyday and having to fill in yet more application forms is just too much. I've opened so many job application forms and then given up half way through because I just couldn't be bothered anymore.

I feel so sad and so tired and so alone and I don't know what to do. I exercise 5 times a week and I eat healthily but none of that helps me at all. I try and do things like drawing because I used to do it all the time but it's so hard for me to concentrate long enough. I feel like I've lost my creativity now as well. I'm just so lost.

I feel so silly because I keep coming on here and ranting but I don't know what else to do. I'm too scared/shy to get help plus I've got barely any money anyway.

If you actually read all that then thanks.. there wasn't really a point to this I just felt like writing.

[RuralOwlUK]

Don't feel silly for coming on here and sharing your pain. I'm feeling too low myself at the moment to be able to offer you any advice except this. Help is out there and it does make a difference. What seems like an impossibility can in time happen. In the meantime just know that there are people who care, and who are here to offer support as much as possible.

[Sabra]

Hello

Do you have a healthcare provider? If not, you can go to the ER. You are doing your job as far as the exercise and healthy eating. You may need meds.

I have been exactly where youi are......I call it having lead in my butt bkz everything is so difficult to do. With depression, your motivation is gone. Think of the meds as a safety net. The tunnel vision of depression is not the truth. Feelings are not facts. Your feelings can change with the help of meds and T.

I know you don't have the $ to see a shrink, but there should be community mental health where you live. The fastest way to get into see someone is going through the ER.

Keep writing,

Sabra

I've been through all of that and yet I'm still struggling with finding something really helpful to say. I wish I could think of something that was said to me that helped but I can't remember anything anyone ever said that was very useful. What RuralOwl said was nice. Try to keep in mind that you are worth being helped and that there are people who want to help. Don't look at the big picture... you will only see it through the distorted lens of depression. Keep things down to a more manageable size. Write down some small challenges and try to take them one by one.
One thing I can almost promise you is detrimental... staying inside. Try to get out once a day even if it's just for a short walk around the block.

[DownfallOfUsAll]

Originally Posted by Sabra

Hello

Do you have a healthcare provider? If not, you can go to the ER. You are doing your job as far as the exercise and healthy eating. You may need meds.

I have been exactly where youi are......I call it having lead in my butt bkz everything is so difficult to do. With depression, your motivation is gone. Think of the meds as a safety net. The tunnel vision of depression is not the truth. Feelings are not facts. Your feelings can change with the help of meds and T.

I know you don't have the $ to see a shrink, but there should be community mental health where you live. The fastest way to get into see someone is going through the ER.

Keep writing,

Sabra

To be honest I don't have a clue where to start. I mean I live in the UK so things are different here. Plus I just don't think I'd be able to ask for the help. I tried once by just going to my local doctors but I couldn't really do it. Plus he wasn't very helpful anyway.

Get another doctor, Downfallofusall. You do need to be medicated in my view to
stop the depression from holding you back. Once you get the chemistry stabillized you may decide to take up drawing again in a bigger and more productive way by
taking some art courses at a college nearby and then apply for work in an art field.

That's a good possibility for you.

There is one thing I know: Never give up. Regardless, keep thinking and looking
and working on things to make it better. Get the medical help first and keep going
for the good things you deserve in your life.

[DownfallOfUsAll]

Originally Posted by genetic

Get another doctor, Downfallofusall. You do need to be medicated in my view to
stop the depression from holding you back. Once you get the chemistry stabillized you may decide to take up drawing again in a bigger and more productive way by
taking some art courses at a college nearby and then apply for work in an art field.

That's a good possibility for you.

There is one thing I know: Never give up. Regardless, keep thinking and looking
and working on things to make it better. Get the medical help first and keep going
for the good things you deserve in your life.

Yeah I guess so, it's just hard to make myself go and see someone again but I will try. Thanks

[RuralOwlUK]

I too live in the UK. I went to my GP and told him about my anxiety and he referred me to a local NHS talking therapy organisation. It took a few months but finally I started therapy for my OCD with an amazing therapist. It has cost me not a single penny. I don't know what part of the country you live in, and what sort of services are available but help is out there, and if your GP does not refer you, then I suggest you speak to a different doctor at your practise.

If you don't feel ready to take that step just yet then perhaps you could call Mental Health - Mind, The Mental Health Charity - Mind They have an info line which I am sure would offer some help and advice.

And if that is a step too far at the moment, remember there are always people on here who are happy to listen to you, and to help in whatever way they can.

[DownfallOfUsAll]

Originally Posted by RuralOwlUK

I too live in the UK. I went to my GP and told him about my anxiety and he referred me to a local NHS talking therapy organisation. It took a few months but finally I started therapy for my OCD with an amazing therapist. It has cost me not a single penny. I don't know what part of the country you live in, and what sort of services are available but help is out there, and if your GP does not refer you, then I suggest you speak to a different doctor at your practise.

If you don't feel ready to take that step just yet then perhaps you could call Mental Health - Mind, The Mental Health Charity - Mind They have an info line which I am sure would offer some help and advice.

And if that is a step too far at the moment, remember there are always people on here who are happy to listen to you, and to help in whatever way they can.

Thank you this is actually very helpful. I found a sevice in my area that I could self refer myself to if I wanted. It's just making myself do it thats the really hard part.