[Christina86]

Which I am, sadly.

Sorry not been around, just hard. After I post this Christina going bye-bye again for a while, doesn't matter nobody misses me.

Almost finished physiotherapy for my wrists, no more motivation to not SI .... which I'm struggling with on a day-to-day basis now, amongst other things.

Too much stress everywhere and constant reminders of what I could be doing better, who I'm letting down and how selfish I've become since I slipped this far again.

Starting T again on Wednesday, not a moment too soon.

Brain working against me, d**n cognitive distortions are trying to smother me. Wanna sleep all day or cry or scream or something to get in control of myself.

Wanna know what I did today? I laughed. At nothing, for half an hour. It was not enjoyable, it was scary and I couldn't control it.... I could have been sick if it hadn't stopped when it did.

Everybody trying to help me out, and I appreciate it but I don't know how to help myself. How do you do it?

How do I keep myself centred and not triggered or miserable or depressed? How do I keep the thoughts at bay? How do I overcome this?

I don't think I can right now. Just too hard.

Will try to take care of me

[sc_irisact]

I'm sori I don't have any answers for you cos honestly I am looking for them myself...

So I just wanted to say I'm sure plenty of people would miss you and please do take care of you

I hope starting T again helps and things get better

xoxo

[tita]

Hi Christina,
I'm sorry You are not feeling good,
I hope You feel better soon
((((((((((Christina))))))))))
I miss You when Your not around.
Crista

What help me when I am so low is to concentrate on others and forget about myself. Forget and forget that I even exist. All my concentration is on others. No focus at all on me. This is how I do it. But this is only me.

(((((((((((Canders)))))))))))

I love you my friend!

awwwwwwww precious (((((((((Canders))))))))))))

Hang in there! I totally understand how hard it is to keep centered. I struggle with it to but keep on working towards healing.

[Fuzzybear]

I miss you when you're not here gentle thoughts to you sweetie ((((((((((((( Christina )))))))))))))

[Sabrina]

Christina .. I am thinking of you!

Wish I could make it better ....

And we DO miss you!!

[Sujin]

(((((((Christina))))))) I'm so sorry you are not feeling well. I'm glad that you see the new therapist on Wednesday. I hope they will be able to help you. You are so special, Christina. I just want you to know that I care.

Love,
Sujin


You will get through this period of darkness.

[almostangela]

You are loved and help is on it's way. Just a little bump in the road is all this is. One day you will look back and be very proud of yourself for what you will accomplish now.

[Christina86]

Thank you sc_irisact

I guess it was just a phase, I'm gonna try to come back now piece-by-piece.

[Christina86]

Thank you Crista!

I missed seeing your posts, I really did.

[Christina86]

thanks time0,

I think I'm going to try that again. I've been doing that myself on-and-off again for a while, just got really hard.

Love you too

[Christina86]

Thanks esthersvirtue,

I'll try to work on the healing if you do too!

Hanging in there!

[Christina86]

I missed you Fuzzy!! I like bears, and you're a special one at that!

Thanks for the good thoughts!

[Christina86]

Okay, so I now know y'all missed me!

Thanks so much Sabrina! And a cute adorable doggie too! Awwww....

[Christina86]

I wanna get through this a bit quicker than I am currently, but thank you dear Sujin

I deny the special though, but I do care aboutcha too!

[Christina86]

Thank you almostangela. I hope so, and really thank you for your words of wisdom which do make a whole bunch of sense to me!

[(JD)]

(((canders))) oh don't we all want to go faster! grrr

I've been gone from time to time for a few days...and even though it doesn't feel like I've been missed, I have been! You are a member here canders, and now that you are, when you aren't here, the site is different.

feel better.

[Christina86]

Awww Thanks Sky

[VAQUERALOCA]

(((((((((((( Canders ))))))))))) I hope you are feeling better .... You're words are so descriptive and I know exactly how you feel. Been there too. And always wish I wasn't. I think the best tip I can give you is to stay in touch with everyone that makes you feel better. Don't isolate yourself............Even if you have to FORCE yourself to stay involved with life then just do that. The bad feelings do go away and not as fast as we'd like them too. I hope the new T works out good. I just got a new one too. I'm sending good thoughts your way .......... Here they come >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[Christina86]

Yay ... got them!

Thanks Vaquerloca. I wanna isolate myself but I suppose I should try harder to stay around people some.

[tita]

Hi christina,
I love what You say about puppys.
They make You smile and can also save a life!
I hope You are better today.
Love Ya (miss ya also)
Crista

[Christina86]

Hi everyone ...

finished my appointment with the new person (new T). Didn't go well, and I can't go back.

Christina was bad, I lied. Even took the Beck Depression Inventory and I lied.

Her suggestion was to try and eat more regularily, go to bed earlier and journal.

Tried that, that and that too.

I'm going to go crawl under a rock now, I don't get another oppurtunity for anyone new to help me (or the previous one) until September. Need to get through this alone until September.

I should stop whining, its all my fault. Christina is a good-for-nothing bad stupid liar.

I'm gonna try to go back in September if I still feel this lousy then, but it might just get worse in the month.

Oh well, all my fault.

I hear you!

((((((((((( Christina )))))))))))))

[Christina86]

Thank you Crista, I'm glad you like it ... I do love my animals (sometimes even more than other people!)

Thanks Nina *hugs* to you too.