[rockabyebaby]

Hi. I'm new here and I found this forum after looking some things up son depression. I'm 26, female, and have been depressed for a very long time. I feel like I can't tell anyone about it because I hide my feelings too well. Im afraid that people will think I'm just trying to get attention like I was told when I was a young. I also have migraines so its easy to use that excuse when its too hard to put up that front that everything is okay. Its been several years and I have yet to see a doctor or anything about my depression. I had gone to a psychiatrist when I was 12 but only went a few times. I honestly don't remember anything about that experience except that I felt uncomfortable and throwing a tantrum and crying so much about not wanting to back that my parents never made me go. It was after that when I learned to hide my feelings. I've been feeling so low the past few days to the point where I feel like I can't go on. I know I need to get professional help but I don't know how to take that first step. Im so nervous that I'm going to pick the wrong doctor and that they aren't going to help. Deep down I feel like my fears are irrational but they feel so real to me and I'm not sure exactly WHY. I just recently moved and so I don't have many people to talk to. I don't know how to ask for help without sounding ridiculous. I just don't know what to do.

[Travelinglady]

I can understand why you would be concerned/anxious about choosing a doc. You might want to see a therapist first. Sometimes depression is coming from just life events and sometimes from a chemical imbalance in the brain only--or a combination. You'll get asked a bunch of questions on the first visit.

I'm thinking this approach might be best because you might feel more comfortable spending time talking to a counselor first instead of just heading in to see a psychiatrist, given your past experiences. Plus the therapist knows the psychiatrists and you can talk to him/her about that background stuff. Does this approach sound manageable?

I know myself how terrible it is to feel depressed, because I am bipolar (manic-depressive.) I agree that you do need to get some help for this problem.

Please keep us informed or post again about feelings or whatever. We are here!

[Sam2]

Hi.
It sounds you are having a really bad time right now. Whom ever told you that you were just trying to get attention was very wrong. The family physician I used to go to years ago told me something similar. He asked me if I was acting depressed so that I wouldn't have to work. Some people may think that, but I don't think the majority do. Don't let that stop you from searching for a therapist. A therapist won't tell you that.

Actually, you have already taken the first step. You have admitted to yourself that you need help getting through this. When you are choosing a therapist, before you go looking, decide whether you think you would be more comfortable talking to a man or a woman. Matching yourself with someone you will be comfortable with is important, and you may have to try more than one. Remember, you have control of the session. You don't need to spill your guts on the first appointment if you don't want to. Sometimes starting with just telling a therapist that you are depressed and how long it has been going on is the easiest. From there, discuss what you think you can. If the therapist asks you a question about something you aren't ready to talk about, tell him that.

Hiding feelings is something that those of us who deal with depression get good at. Society has gotten better about accepting and talking about emotional and psychiatric problems, but there is still the fear of how you will be perceived by others. Its really no different than a physical illness, just in another place. Depression can be just as painful or even more painful than a physical illness.

Like you, I suffer from migraines. I can see where you might be tempted to cover an inability to cope by passing your depression off as a migraine on a really bad day. Try to avoid that though, or you may wind up with the wrong medications. If you can't bear going to work one day, and have to call in, just say you aren't feeling well that day. That way you are telling the truth, but don't have to go into detail. I don't know how frequent or how bad your migraines are, but if they are often and severe, they may be playing a role in your depression. Make sure to tell a therapist about your migraines, and you may want to see a regular physician for migraine medication. You don't need physical pain on top of the emotional pain.

Unfortunately, the time when you need a therapist the most is also the time when its the hardest to make decisions and reach out for help. You can start by looking at various therapists in your area with an online search. Sometimes you can find more about a therapist before you actually go there. On some sites, people will comment as to whether they like the therapist or not. Even though what someone else may like may not be what you like, it does give you an idea about how people think about the therapist and comments from patients.

Your fears are not irrational. Regardless of whether there is truly something to be afraid of is immaterial because the effect is the same. When you are depressed, part of you has slowed way down, and the other part, your emotions can go into hyperdrive. Things that would normally not upset you, really bother you when you are depressed. Don't ever feel like your fears are stupid or that your reaction to them makes you weak. Actually, I think you are stronger than you think. You've admitted to yourself that you need help, sought out this forum and started to open up here. That takes courage.

However you find a therapist, the sooner you do, the sooner you can start to feel better. Sometimes, if you are scared of somthing you have to do, it is better to just do it rather than wait and let other fears creep in. People here will understand you and "listen" even if you only want to vent your feelings.
Please let us know if you found a therapist. Try not to get discouraged if the first one isn't right. There is one out there for you.

Sam2

[rockabyebaby]

Thank you both for your posts. I don't have enough posts yet, or I would have sent you a PM. I really appreciate your comments, and they have given me a lot to think about.