First of all, I've been depressed nearly my whole life. "Happiness" is a fleeting feeling if it even exists. I'm not sure what it is exactly, to be honest.

And right now I'm in an easy part of my life—going to college, not having any responsibilities outside of classes, not having to worry about finances or anything. And doing what I love...

That won't last. It'll only get worse from here. So if I'm miserable all the time now, what's going to happen when I have to worry about when the next time I'll have enough money to eat and when I'll get stuck doing a job a hate and have to give up what I enjoy and worked years and years at because the reality of the matter is almost no one succeeds. Why am I even trying so hard just to fail?

I sacrificed having any kind of romantic relationship with anyone (ever), I sacrificed having meaningful friendships, I sacrificed my mental and physical health...I've sacrificed everything. I stopped (or really never started) socializing in order to spend all the time I could studying and working towards an impossible goal.

So, again, if I feel so badly now, how am I going to survive real life?

[yoslos12]

It doesn't just get worse from there. I just dropped out of college after two very rough years and I'm trying to start over now. Are you getting help for your depression? I know that's hard to do sometimes, but you have to force yourself to do it. Also, if you're doing something you love, that should help right? Getting a degree will help you get a better job later so you will hopefully never have to worry about money. And along the way, you should be able to meet lots of new people.
It does get better. Sometimes you just have to stick with it. And that's partly what this forum is for. You wouldn't have come here if you didn't know somewhere deep down that getting better was possible.

Cheers and best of luck,
Yoslos12

[Travelinglady]

Hi! I honestly think your depression is leading you into these negative thoughts about the future! True in some ways, college is sort of cushy compared to what life might be like later on. But it is a chance to get your feet wet into independence and adulthood.

We can not say that life will be worse for you when you get out. Hear?

Dear one, I assume you are getting treated for your depression. If not, then please make an appointment with a college counselor or someone off campus. You are needlessly making your life more miserable by borrowing trouble. Take life one day at a time.

I know my life was great in college, but I have had many wonderful experiences since I have been out. And many other people have, too.

Sure I'm getting "help" if you want to call it that. I'm shoveling pills down my throat at a ridiculous pace. It's not enough. Therapy does not work. And no, I didn't just go to one therapist and decide that. I've gone to practically all of them on campus and then some and I've been with some up to a year or two.

And college degrees do nothing. I have two already. I'm getting my third. It doesn't make me qualified for anything (I've never even sent a resume anywhere because I'm clearly not qualified for any of the positions I looked at).

It's not like I haven't had wonderful experiences, I just don't enjoy them. Or I enjoy them for a couple hours and then I just feel badly again. And out into real life, I'm back at the lowest point of the totem pole again (IF I can get a job in what I really want to do). And in my field they don't treat newbies with any kindness—you're expected to be at the level of everyone else who's been doing it for years and years.

And then there's the other job I want to do—there's no actual position for it (or they're very rare)...it's commission only for the most part. And in the beginning you do hundreds and hundreds of hours of work for absolutely nothing. And I know that's true in other fields, like an unpaid internship, but still it's taxing to feel like I'm working all the time and making no money. I feel...worthless.

And who would date someone like me? I keep thinking maybe that's the last thing I need and maybe I'd have a higher overall mood. I don't think I'm magically going to be happy or anything, but just feel less like I shouldn't be here. Like I might actually feel like getting out of bed in the morning because I'll get to talk to said person and/or their friends and hopefully become friends with their friends because I really don't have any. We're just colleagues that get along together, that's all. Which is good, but still.

There's just nothing I can do to get what I want and I've always been able to get what I want, within reason of course. Maybe it's really not reasonable for someone to like me enough to date me?

[yoslos12]

Yeah, I'm struggling with some of that stuff. I've gone to many counselors and stuff. People keep telling me to try more of them but I feel like giving up on that too. But don't. You just have to find someone that will understand you and mesh with you. It's harder for some people than it is for others as you've noticed.

I really don't have much to say about the college thing because I just decided that it wasn't for me.

That's what depression is. Making you feel like good things aren't even that good. It's really hard to stick with it, but you really just need to get out there. I know it's hard to do, but there are people out there who will understand you. I have the same problem with finding friends. I finally happened to meet one at a college I used to go to, and now we talk all the time. We live 8 hours apart but it's what we've got. There's some people that are just "the life of the party" and others, like us, that naturally have problems forming friendships. They're out there, you just have to find them.

Keep hanging in there. I'm glad you decide to get up every morning even though you don't want to. Just keep doing that and get yourself out there and I promise things will get better. It'll take a while and it will be hard, but it will happen. Keep hanging in there.