[paradiso2340]

Hi All,

So I have been suffering from severe OCD and now what I think is a significant depression although I'm not sure since I was never majorly depressed before. I had an issue with my OCD a few months ago that plummeted me into this deep, dark introspection that I haven't been able to escape from. At first I thought it was simply my OCD thoughts that had gotten completely out of control, but it became unlike anything I had experienced before. To put it simply, I feel like I am talking to myself negatively all day long and I can't escape it no matter what I do. Even if the thoughts aren't coherent and complete, I feel like I am still stuck in my head. I feel like something is inherently wrong with me on the inside like I am a bad or evil person. I feel trapped by my own personality. On the outside I still present myself as my normal self so no one would know what was going on on the inside if I didn't tell them. I just feel like I am changed on the inside and any authentic good feelings I used to be able to feel were just phony. I tell myself that I'm not the person I thought I was. Even my dreams have taken on this dark tone. I use to enjoy my life, be able to relax and see the good in things, now I feel this dark energy has taken over the way I view myself and the world and I don't know how to get out of it. I am so confused as to if it really is something I am creating and that is wrong with my persona or just a deep depression and OCD. I have been seeing a psychologist, but so far I am not making much progress. Any thoughts would be appreciated

[LovelaceF]

Originally Posted by paradiso2340

Hi All,

So I have been suffering from severe OCD and now what I think is a significant depression although I'm not sure since I was never majorly depressed before. I had an issue with my OCD a few months ago that plummeted me into this deep, dark introspection that I haven't been able to escape from. At first I thought it was simply my OCD thoughts that had gotten completely out of control, but it became unlike anything I had experienced before. To put it simply, I feel like I am talking to myself negatively all day long and I can't escape it no matter what I do. Even if the thoughts aren't coherent and complete, I feel like I am still stuck in my head. I feel like something is inherently wrong with me on the inside like I am a bad or evil person. I feel trapped by my own personality. On the outside I still present myself as my normal self so no one would know what was going on on the inside if I didn't tell them. I just feel like I am changed on the inside and any authentic good feelings I used to be able to feel were just phony. I tell myself that I'm not the person I thought I was. Even my dreams have taken on this dark tone. I use to enjoy my life, be able to relax and see the good in things, now I feel this dark energy has taken over the way I view myself and the world and I don't know how to get out of it. I am so confused as to if it really is something I am creating and that is wrong with my persona or just a deep depression and OCD. I have been seeing a psychologist, but so far I am not making much progress. Any thoughts would be appreciated

Hello there. I can relate to being stuck in one's own head. Being unable to see the good and not enjoying life are symptoms, not an indication that your personality has suddenly turned on you.

If all of this has come about suddenly and for no good reason, you might want to look at environmental factors that might be contributing to the problem. Are you getting enough sleep, sunlight, exercise, healthy food, etc? Are you having any health problems?

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by paradiso2340

I have been seeing a psychologist, but so far I am not making much progress.

Have you and your psychologist worked out a treatment plan or other goal for the therapy?

Unfortunately, I'm one of those for whom talk therapy has done little or nothing.

[optimize990h]

Originally Posted by paradiso2340

Hi All,

I feel trapped by my own personality. On the outside I still present myself as my normal self so no one would know what was going on on the inside if I didn't tell them. I just feel like I am changed on the inside and any authentic good feelings I used to be able to feel were just phony. I tell myself that I'm not the person I thought I was. Even my dreams have taken on this dark tone. I use to enjoy my life, be able to relax and see the good in things, now I feel this dark energy has taken over the way I view myself and the world and I don't know how to get out of it. I am so confused as to if it really is something I am creating and that is wrong with my persona or just a deep depression and OCD. I have been seeing a psychologist, but so far I am not making much progress. Any thoughts would be appreciated

I agree with Rohag that a treatment goal is important. I understand why you might think it is more than depression and OCD. However, I just feel what you describe is depression with OCD, I would be curious about what your psychologist thinks. A lot of what you described is what I have felt in the past and ATM as I am working on a major depression.

[WhatItIs]

I definitely have dark times like you described--and I too put on a brave face for the outside world. Adding insult to injury, being aware that I'm at that low place depresses me more because I wish I could snap my fingers and change it. It's rough. You will definitely find others here who understand.
Best wishes!