[frownupsidedown]

I don't want to always be sad, down, angry, upset...I this person I am and I hate that it has affected my life so badly. I do not want this.......I don't want to feel so miserable...I hate that I am this way. And I hate that other people have to see me like this.

I've been this way for so long...and will continue to be this way--it's not going away. How can I accept the horrible person I have become?

[WhatItIs]

I hate it too. I ask myself why I can't just decide to be happy and it will happen. Medication helps me some, but on darker days it does not.
I wish you the best & please know you aren't alone.

[optimize990h]

You have seen a therapist. Do you ever get work with any coping strategies. Are able to do any of them?

Distractions can help like games-it helps me focus and relax.

I use the tired out phrase "this too, shall pass". And try to get out of the depression quicksand.

I like goal setting, even though it's taking me forever to do some of those tasks.

I let go of my negative thoughts as much as possible(even though they seem to stick to like glue to paper, it's difficult slow action).

In the worst times, I repeat the Serenity Prayer silently to myself many times till I fall asleep.("God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Or for short "let go, and let your higher power take over."

I don't know if any of that helps, but I hope you can find acceptance and peace.

[allimsaying]

It may seem like its not working but Ive done the things that optimize suggests and they really did have an effect. Somehow, speaking to ourselves lovingly and calmingly can dull the edge on those dark thoughts we have. Those thoughts that keep coming and coming even tho we chase them away time and time again. We look to the world to give us positive feedback but it doesnt come, it doesnt know how to do that. We have to do it for ourselves, we need to break this cycle of feeling badly, we have to have hope. Believe that you are worth it frownupside down, this takes a lot of time. I dont believe you're horrible but I believe the depression is telling you that.

[unhappycamper463]

I think that's the hardest part. I hate the person I've become. It's so pathetic. I don't know how to change that. It must be really bad when you used to be a narcissist...

[lonelyemotionalgirl]

You aren't alone. It is hard to accept what is happening, but the sooner you accept it, the sooner things will start to get better and you can start looking at the positives.

[avlady]

I like what a lot of you wrote especially about hope and accepting that things could get better; the Serenity prayer also helps in such situations, try not to let the "bad" thoughts get to you