[jrae]

I've been fighting this "depression battle" for far too long now. And I'm so tired of it. I don't have the strength or energy or drive or care to keep fighting. How can I tell people that?! I'm not close with anyone, especially my family. I've been shielding people from how bad things are with me for years. But my parents are starting to badger me, questioning why I don't do anything to get better. (this is what they see/think, but it's not true) I'm just exhausted: physically, mentally, emotionally, and everything! The journey of constantly battling against this has taken its toll on me, more than anyone could ever know or see!! And I've got nothing left to give anymore. There is no more "fight" left in me. So all I can do is just go from one day to the next. How can you say that to a person? You know, without them going all "insanely overbearing" on you as a reaction to what you have just told them?!

I know how bad this sounds. Trust me. And I have been fighting certain "thoughts" for so long, that I am use to them by now. They have become a 'regular' thing for me. Which is why I never tell anyone about them. I can handle my thoughts. I can about imagine how others would react if they knew. I had a friend who once flew off the deep end as a reaction, so I know. And I don't what that from anyone. But the lack of their understanding is only hurting me more. So now what? How can you say that you just don't have it in you to fight anymore??? That you are like a car battery that has been drained so many times, that there is nothing left in it...

[gracez]

Hi Jrae,

I'm glad that you posted this. I feel like this most every day, like I can't fight the depression or change it, and have no wish to. I somehow live day to day even though each day I don't want another one and look forward to the day being over. I know it's not great, but that's how it is.

I just think that it's really hard for other people to understand when it's not their own experience. For example, I cannot understand how people just LOVE golf (sorry if you do...just an example) and would spend all their time and extra money devoted to golf. It's not their fault. And so because they don't understand, or mis-understand, they say / suggest something that feels like badgering, rude, or otherwise unskillful.

I don't have anything to suggest off the top of my head about what to say to your parents, etc., but just this thought on why they're acting the way they do, and maybe this understanding could help you find the way. I'm sorry that it's exacerbating things for you.

[bharani1008]

I completely understand the fatigue. Depression is so hard to fight. People who don't have it cannot even imagine what it is like. There are no words adequate. I never tell anyone either because it can drive them away. Plus I'm just no fun to be around. The good thing about being alone is that there's no one to criticize you and make things worse.Just keep talking to everyone here who do understand.
I hope you feel better

[Leed]

Hi Jrae ~ Why can't you say this to your parents? Why CAN'T you tell them that you're overwhelmed, that you've been fighting this for years, even though they didn't know it, and you're TIRED -- you've had it, and you're at the end of your rope! I think about the NEXT darn time they said I wasn't trying hard enough to get better, I sure would!

Dearheart, have you tried therapy? Is there a way you can get into therapy? If nothing else, you definitely need an antidepressant! I know we don't want to take medications, but there are some of us who HAVE to. And it sounds like you're one of them. Why be MISERABLE and SUFFER when it's not necessary??

I have clinical depression (severe depressive disorder) and have had to take an antidepressant for about 40 years now -- and I'll be on one for the rest of my life. Without one, I slip into the worst, most horrible pit of hell you can imagine. I refuse to live like that if I don't have to. And it's too hard to fight!

Why should YOU fight this terrible fight? You'll never make it on your own! So it's either therapy or an antidepressant. Please see your doctor -- he/she can help you. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[winter4me]

Leed has the right attitude, it may not be easy to tell people but keeping it a secret also keeps it a bit unreal and impossible to change, you just feed off your own darkness. Unfortunately, this can become the place you are comfortable in despite the pain---I do know the feeling. I too need an antidepressant but there are times it is not enough. It is time to have the courage to speak up and risk change.

[beautifulfreak]

jrae…I feel this way too. A start for me has been trying to post my 'real' feelings here on PC instead of hiding them or sugar-coating them to suit other people. It's been almost a lifetime of depression and other mental and physical issues and I know the fatigue only too well. Losing the will to fight.

However, you have taken a big step by posting here. That is an achievement in itself even though I know how draining it is.

So, I think it's a really good start that you posted and shared here.

I'm not sure if you are seeing a counsellor/therapist, but maybe that is a possibility?

Please know you are not alone…if only we could take our own advice (I often think)