Love doesn't exist. I'm defective and no one will ever accept me for who I am and love me. There isn't anything stopping me from ending my life now. I'm miserable and my life will never have a purpose because I can't make it have one. I'm just a miserable, horrible person.

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

Love doesn't exist. I'm defective and no one will ever accept me for who I am and love me. There isn't anything stopping me from ending my life now. I'm miserable and my life will never have a purpose because I can't make it have one. I'm just a miserable, horrible person.

The Buddhist nun Pema Chodron says that a person can think they are the worst person in the world & that's okay. In fact, that is your treasure. You can move toward it & use it to achieve inner peace. Pema has wriiten many books & there are numerous videos on YouTube of talks she's given.

I feel similarly to the way you feel. If people really knew me... no one would want anything to do with me. Depression can be ruthless!

I don't know what I can say here that will change your mind. I've made several suicide attempts over the years. I do believe you can survive & succeed. DO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE... Get help! Keep posting!

[liveforfish]

God loves you.

[Yoda]

[tinyrabbit]

Time to change your thinking. Don't say nobody cares. Say: I want people to care.

[Pierro]

Nevergoodenough: you have given 61 hugs to people. What does that say about you?

Are you in therapy? You need to start by changing your ways of thinking, An idea also why not change your username to something positive?

I can't change my way of thinking, not when it's been proven many times that I'm unlovable. I have BPD and Clinical Depression. No I'm not in therapy. I can't do therapy. I have social phobia.

[Rohag]

Depression PLUS BPD PLUS Social Anxiety...

Each one of those by themselves is a great challenge. Together they're a psychological Gordian Knot.

I acknowledge your misery. Please try to accept I don't regard you as horrible. And please keep posting no matter what you think about yourself.

[liveforfish]

You may not FEEL loved, but you are. God loves you and you can't change that.

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

Love doesn't exist. I'm defective and no one will ever accept me for who I am and love me. There isn't anything stopping me from ending my life now. I'm miserable and my life will never have a purpose because I can't make it have one. I'm just a miserable, horrible person.

This DEPRESSION, the disease talking. You do not have to believe this voice. (it can be a bit like the voice of addiction saying "go ahead...doesn't matter...prove you are a loser...". People here do care. Who says you have to make a "purpose" for your life? It is a journey---and we are all on it---and, in some way, we are all alone and yet all in this together.
Suggestion: force yourself to write down One good thought/experience, however brief----each day either when you first wake or before you go to sleep---this can be actual, a memory, or a wish, a good dream, movie, day in the life, Anything---

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

I can't change my way of thinking, not when it's been proven many times that I'm unlovable. I have BPD and Clinical Depression. No I'm not in therapy. I can't do therapy. I have social phobia.

BPD in which I have too therapy is the best treatment for it, I get social phobia I hate socializing too this is why seeing a therapist is the best way forward he or she can start to change you way of thinking especially your negative thoughts in which you're having.

I'm not religious, okay.

Originally Posted by winter4me

This DEPRESSION, the disease talking. You do not have to believe this voice. (it can be a bit like the voice of addiction saying "go ahead...doesn't matter...prove you are a loser...". People here do care. Who says you have to make a "purpose" for your life? It is a journey---and we are all on it---and, in some way, we are all alone and yet all in this together.
Suggestion: force yourself to write down One good thought/experience, however brief----each day either when you first wake or before you go to sleep---this can be actual, a memory, or a wish, a good dream, movie, day in the life, Anything---

No one cares about me. I do have to believe the voice. It's my entire being. I'm never going to be okay. I'm worthless. Everyone leaves me. Everyone gets tired of me. Everyone confirms my fears about myself. Everyone hates me.

If everyone hated you we wouldn't be trying to help you.

this is the internet. so it's not the same thing.

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

Love doesn't exist. I'm defective and no one will ever accept me for who I am and love me. There isn't anything stopping me from ending my life now. I'm miserable and my life will never have a purpose because I can't make it have one. I'm just a miserable, horrible person.

((nevergoodenough)) Oh, how I have been in your place. The words you have spoken have come through my mouth many many times. Please do not believe what your illness is telling you. Ideas that I have been useing for myself: Self talk - fight back with, I am not defective, I can be loved and so on. Read books on your illnesses to find out what others have done to over come. Come to PC to get input. Keep up a good fight. We can all do this if we push back. If you can push back hard enough to get to a therapist they do help. Good luck.

[Ultra Darkness]

Well, I care about you.

I appreciate that bu ti can't believe that anyone loves me.

[Ultra Darkness]

Would you believe it if I came out and said it?
Don't mind me, I'm down in the dumps too, and that makes me tempermental.

I always make people feel worse.

[woundedjedi]

I know how you must feel. I'm feeling that way a bit myself right now. Sometimes, what helps me, and may help you, is to read a letter by Stephen Fry, the British comedian who is Bipolar, in response to a fan. It helps to remember, when in the pit of depression and self-loathing, to accept that feeling in the moment, but also maintain hope (i.e. changing one's negative thinking), and it will pass...as surely as the weather changes.

Dear Crystal,
I’m so sorry to hear that life is getting you down at the moment. Goodness knows, it can be so tough when nothing seems to fit and little seems to be fulfilling. I’m not sure there’s any specific advice I can give that will help bring life back its savour. Although they mean well, it’s sometimes quite galling to be reminded how much people love you when you don’t love yourself that much.
I’ve found that it’s of some help to think of one’s moods and feelings about the world as being similar to weather:
Here are some obvious things about the weather:
It’s real.
You can’t change it by wishing it away.
If it’s dark and rainy it really is dark and rainy and you can’t alter it.
It might be dark and rainy for two weeks in a row.
BUT
It will be sunny one day.
It isn’t under one’s control as to when the sun comes out, but come out it will.
One day.
It really is the same with one’s moods, I think. The wrong approach is to believe that they are illusions. They are real. Depression, anxiety, listlessness - these are as real as the weather - AND EQUALLY NOT UNDER ONE’s CONTROL. Not one’s fault.
BUT
They will pass: they really will.
In the same way that one has to accept the weather, so one has to accept how one feels about life sometimes.
‘Today’s a crap day,’ is a perfectly realistic approach. It’s all about finding a kind of mental umbrella.
‘Hey-ho, it’s raining inside: it isn’t my fault and there’s nothing I can do about it, but sit it out. But the sun may well come out tomorrow and when it does, I shall take full advantage.’
I don’t know if any of that is of any use: it may not seem it, and if so, I’m sorry. I just thought I’d drop you a line to wish you well in your search to find a little more pleasure and purpose in life.

Very best wishes
(Signed)
Stephen Fry

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Depression PLUS BPD PLUS Social Anxiety...

Each one of those by themselves is a great challenge. Together they're a psychological Gordian Knot.

I acknowledge your misery. Please try to accept I don't regard you as horrible. And please keep posting no matter what you think about yourself.

[Ultra Darkness]

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

I always make people feel worse.

It's not you, it's my brother. And my dad.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

I always make people feel worse.

Please keep posting...... It's not much but I've come out of my cave to use words.. You haven't made me feel worse. I know this is just cyber space but we do care.... And some relate...Or have been where you are, sometimes many times, or for what seemed like forever...