[Got Java]

I have been trying to drink my pain away because it takes the ease off my problems for a bit.
It has its ups and downs.Mostly the downs have been the worst for me.I been seeing a new doctor to perscribe me different medication, but I have to 1st reduce the amount of medication I was perscribed before in order to adjust to the new meds.

In the meantime I have been experiencing so much ups and downs in my mood thru my day Its taking a toll of my personality twoards co workers and friends.I have at times had to just stay away from people altogether because I didnt want to see me in the condition I have been going thru.Its hard to not feel so much pain and discomfort day to day and not want to numb it away with a couple of drinks.It works for a little bit to have a couple, then the depression creeps up on me and I get very emotional and the thoughts in my head are of rage and major self guilt that tends to bring out sometimes thoughts of self destructive behaviors.

I can't shake the problems off or handle them as well anymore.I get worse when I am alone and not being checked on from time to time.I feel I cant control my mental state at all anymore because there is so much going on I cant process what is going on in front of me anymore.

The drinking I hope will not become such a constant problem to mend my mental wounds, but for now its takes care of things.I going to therapy and keeping track of my progress, but it hard to stay up when I cant take the constant depression I deal with everyday with my past experiences and my current issues I am dealing with now.

I feel I dont want to burden anybody with my problems because I feel I will get them to involved that I hurt them or make them avoid me altogether.I dont want to let anybody in my personal issues anymore because its too much too handle and its not want I wish anybody should be exposed to it anyway.

Previously, I had let some amazing people in my life and I just brought them down with my problems.I dont want to ever hurt anybody anymore.even my love ones that see me everyday and are exposed to my personality I keep my pain and depression in the shadows as best as I can.

[allimsaying]

HI Java,

What you've written all sounds very familiar. Anything to dull the pain seems good but trust me, it isnt. To have better health, practice better health. Eat, exercise, rest, enjoy music, relax. Put things into your mind and body that promote well being and well being may follow.

Its kind of you to be concerned about family and friends. Thats love. Maybe a few of those you've decided not to harm anymore are more concerned than you realize and wouldnt mind sharing in your recovery? I dont know your situation so maybe that isnt the case but isolating is only going to make this harder. A lot of people here can relate. Keep posting.

Continue with therapy. Drinking is not an answer.

[optimize990h]

Come back to post your thoughts again, Got_Java. I have to agree with allimsaying that drinking is only a temporary solution, so it's not an answer.

[bharani1008]

First--I hope this is appropriate--congratulations on having a new baby.
Sounds like you have a lot going on with you. I'm happy that you are getting medical help. For me it made all the difference but it took a long time to get everything right.
Keep posting here because we can relate.
i hope you feel better soon.

[depressedalaskan]

(((Got Java))) If you are taking medication please do not drink. Alcohol is a depressant and can interfere with your meds. If you are going to use alcohol please let your doctor know how much and when. Your doctor is unable to help you if you are not 100% honest with him/her.
I know what you mean when you say no one understands. I have found people who do understand here on PC, in depression groups and the hospital. If you can find a depression group in your area, you might try that if you have not in the past. If you can keep posting and good luck.