hmmm I'm pondering this one.

Ok, so I was reading another post and i was wondering if people actually do offer help to people. It seems like there are a lot of people who need help, but other people turn away. I don't experience that happening myself as much, but I end up feeling like I ask for too much and i feel quilty then when people do try to help. I was just wondering what other people's input was on this.

In my experience many paople want to help, some don't, or don't know how. It also is harder to get help if you don't seem to fit in. I have been fortunate that people have tried to help even when I didn't want it, which generally I don't. But ya gotta luv em!

-Ariel

Whatever you can do,
Or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic, in it.
-Goethe

Audrey, I'm sorry if you have felt left out. It's like Ozzie said, though. Sometimes we can't offer help because we're swamped with our own problems. I know that when my depression and anxiety are up, I get quite self-involved. I've been staying on the lighter subjects because I've been feeling like I can just barely cope myself.

But I've also noticed some posts that get lots of reads but no one answers. That's one of my pet peeves. Why can't the readers just say "sorry I don't have an answer for you right now, but I wish you the best." It's a really creepy feeling when you don't get responses.

<font color=blue>"The winds of change continue rolling and they just carry me away."</font color=blue>

Yeah Tomi, that is one of my pet peeves too. I got into trouble on a Nazi style board because of something related to that. Now I just hide under my rock a lot of the time

I am sorry if you have been feeling ignored, Audrey. We will try to be here for you ...

Take care,
Fuzzy

But you're not on that board anymore, Fuzzy Bear. We want to see your sunshinny face more around here.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

<font color=blue>"The winds of change continue rolling and they just carry me away."</font color=blue>

Sorry Audrey about this. This is a sensitive topic for me too and I think part of the problem is the nature of this board compared with other message boards on more "typical" topics.

Just for some practical "rationalization" on other boards I intentionally do NOT post replies when I don't have an answer. When I post a question somewhere, and in most cases I am looking for an answer, not emotional support, I hate nothing more then to check back and find I have a reply, thinking there's a suggestion to my question, and clicking to find out it is a random post saying "gee that's a good question, hope someone has an answer". In addition, on very busy boards, that can keep someone who has the answer from posting, as they see the question has a reply so they skip reading it.

Of course in this community posts of support and compassion certainly ARE appropriate (at least I think so) but bear in mind that some people may carry that "no answer, don't post" mentality in general and it may not be personal.

Second issue is with regard to "posts" and "read" numbers... I am a member of a very well-established and friendly online community board and over time the issue of number of posts and number of reads became an unhealthy problem. People were posting their post-counts too often when they hit milestones, some were making lots of short posts to "up" their post count... WHO CARES!!! but it became so bad that they actually had to change the board software so that it no longer showed total post numbers or total read numbers.

That doesn't seem to be an issue here but I wonder if having the "read" numbers on the thread might contribute to people feeling isolated if their posts are not read by others. If that's an issue maybe that is something Doc John could change. Personally I LIKE the "read" numbers because even if someone doesn't answer my post I feel like people have cared enough to read it even if they don't have a response. It makes me feel better but it might make some people feel worse. Might be worth at least exploring.

for my own part I can say that I often do like to post even when I don't have an answer to something, because at a place like this I do think that just understanding and support can be the most valuable "service" here. but personally I don't like to post too much because I don't want my posts to become "meaningless" so usually I post when a topic hits something I can relate to. Some may have noticed that I sometimes read and post in forums that I don't necessarily "belong" in because I believe that there is so much in common with coping with these illnesses that understanding can come across many of the "diagonsis" lines that separate the groups.

But mostly my posting goes in response to how I feel when I am visiting, and due to the nature of this board that fluctuates quite a bit for me. For the past week I have been going through a particularly bad spell, and as a result I have been on the board more often and reading more posts in all the different areas, but I have also felt much more withdrawn than usual and so have been much less likely to post on someone else's thread unless something hits particularly close to home. (This thread did which is why I am posting here now).

It is unfortunate that sometimes the overall effect of these influences may combine and leave some posts less read or less responded to but please do not take it persoanlly. I heartily admire you for posting about this because it IS a big deal, not just for you but for many others here. I hope you realize we all love you and you always have our support even if it is not always as vocal... but I also think that there is nothing wrong, indeed it is healthy to be able to express this and ask for some more "visible" support at times when it would be beneficial to you. It also gives others here another chance to lend their support where they they might have missed an ppportunity at first and that benefits everyone in my opinion.

So please don't ever feel at all guilty for asking for any sort of help or support here, it is what this community exists for.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

I'm pondering the same thing myself, Audrey. Is it because someone is new that they don't get responses? If so, that stinks! Sure doesn't make anyone feel welcome.


"It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived."