Not able to meet the big need I have to feel loved

Hi everyone,

I have been on and off of this site for five years. I am still struggling a lot because I have social anxiety disorder and I am afraid to reach out and honestly speak about my feelings for not feeling loved.

Because my need was not met in the past I did a lot of things which hurt me. I was not aware at the time possibly because I was young and I just needed to have that need met in order to survive.

I dated the wrong kind of people and I had several exes. Finally when i met the right someone, they are upset that I had so many exes. They saved themselves for the special someone and I on the other hand...did not. I feel very bad to have acted in this way. To this day I still have insecurities and often do feel nloved.

I have no feelings for my parents or family. I just wold rather not see them anymore. I am very reserved when it comes ot toher people - I do not make friends quickly. I constantly need reassurance from my bf to know that I am loved.

I have another problem where my highschool teacher constantly pops into my head. I wish this would stop. I had the hugest crush on him but he had no respect for me and made fun of me. I guess I saw him as a father figure and he is the only person I remember that gave me very good feelings about myself ...

I feel pretty much numb all of the other time

Hi Myoasis ~ I know how you must feel. And I know the loneliness of social anxiety disorder too.

Dearheart, is there some way you can get into therapy? Do you have insurance where this would cover it? Even if you have Medicaid, that COULD cover it. Check with your case worker if you have it.

You really should see a therapist if you can. Therapy can help you work thru these issues and help you conquer this disorder. There could be some other issues too that are standing in your way that need attention.

If you cannot get into therapy, and are still in school, talk with your school counselor. He/she can help you. That's what they are there for. Don't be afraid to talk with them, as it's confidential. They won't tell your parents as long as you're not intending on harming yourself.

Please let us know what happens, okay? We DO care about you. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

Thanks Leed. I really needed to hear these words. I am seeking out therapy. but I am not sure if my bf would be supportive or not. I just know I have tons of issues to get over and I can't do it on my own

Honey, you're seeking therapy for YOU -- not your boyfriend. And if he's not supportive, then perhaps he's not the right one for you. Any man that would NOT support his loved one who goes to therapy, is NOT worth the trouble. It would be like a man who would dump a woman for having cancer. What's the difference?

You have some problems, as we all have here, and we all need help. Wouldn't HE expect YOU to support him if he had problems? Of course he would. When he gets sick, don't you have to wait on him hand and foot?

Therapy is for YOU, sweetie, not HIM. It doesn't matter what he thinks. If he's not going to be supportive, then tell him to pack his bags. You can find someone who WILL support and LOVE you UNCONDITIONALLY!!! That's the way love is supposed to be!

God bless you my friend. Please let me know what happens, will you? Big hugs, Lee

Dear Myoasis89, I know the feeling of not being loved. It hurts so much. Being lonley is so painful. At least here you can pour you heart out and people will accept you and care about you.
Maybe I'm wrong but it seems to me that you need to forgive yourself for making normal mistakes. You sound like a good person and that's what matters. I the bf makes you feel bad then get out of there. You don't need that!!!!!
Hope you feel better.

Sorry my oasis that you are feeling confused and isolated.

There are no easy answers - but you can keep coming back to PC whenever you want.

Getting professional help is good to help sort things out.

Finding new activities like yoga or music or volunteering might help you get out of your funk.

Let us know when you need help

Often a core belief that we are unloveable is at the heart of things. Getting love and validation in a healthy way is key to changing and healing that.

Hi Myoasis,
Thank you for sharing your story candidly. I agree with all the responses above. I just would like to tell you that your past including your mistakes is yours. You can share them if you like but you are not obliged to. Maybe I am wrong, but why should one tell new relationships about old ones, how many and so one?