letting it go

I cant seem to shake off or let go of the past and has been creeping into my life everyday.I plays over and over and makes me so angry and depressed about the issue that occurred.My therapist says you cant let it bother you and consume youre life all of the time. Its easy for him to say that if he doesnt have the issue that I do.

I swear I beat myself up emotionally because i feel i dont deserve to be happy with myself because I hurt my friends and family too much. Its a constant battle with my spouce over the littlest things that get me going. I dont know how to handle or fuction correctly sometimes and it gets the best of me always.I want the pain to go away.The drugs and the medication seem to not fix the problem. I think it makes it worse because I am a different personality than i was before I had my meltdown.

I want to end this crap going on in my head so bad and just have some relief in my life so I can be happy with myself once more and not feel so depressed and suicidal at times.

I know about beating myself up. I think it was a reaction to the response I got from some people. I would let thier view of me become stronger than my own and in my attempts to better myself, I beat hell out of myself. Ironic?

I think it means you're shaping who you want to be. There's probably less painful ways to do that.

If we only hurt the ones we love, your doing a great job of showing how much you love. I think you want to be a better person cause then you can be more loving with yourself and in your personal relationships. Just dont kill yourself in the process.

(((Got Java)))) sorry you feel this way about yourself.

Have you talked to your prescribing doctor about the meds? I would hate to feel different on meds... that would scare me.

I know how hard it is to go beyond an obsessional thought. People say - just think about something else--but that can be so hard. When I get out of control I do anything to distract my mind like reading or watching TV or playing simple games on my computer.
Reading peoples' post on this forum seems to let some of the pressure off. I think knowing you aren't the only one is very reassuring.
I agree that you should return to your Dr. It can take a long time to get the meds right.
Keep posting. I want to know how you get on.

Hi, I hope you start feeling better. I don't have an answer for you because I feel depressed & hopeless every single day. I'm on my 2nd medication, but neither has worked for me yet so I know that frustration. From what I've read on this forum, people are saying it can take a long time to get the meds right. So frustrating to wait and try and feel bad from side effects, isn't it? That's my only suggestion, is that maybe you could try to switch meds until you feel one is helping you a bit? Please keep posting. I'm thinking of you.
Grace

Would some behavior therapy work ?? since you are in counseling may be you can do that with your counselor.

I want you to ask your Therapist how HE suggests that you let the past go and see what he says. Ask him for some "tricks" or what HE would do to let go. Ask him how you stop it from playing over and over in your head. Lets just see what HIS suggestions are!

I do agree that you need to talk with your doctor about the medication -- you may need an increase in dosage or an actual switch to something else! Sometimes these meds or the combination of the meds just don't work. Trying something else might.

I wish you the very best! God bless & let us know what HIS suggestions are. LOL Hugs, Lee