completely unsure of everything

Where do I begin...all throughout my life (I am currently 19) I have kind of just skimmed through life. As the years go by I feel like there's something wrong, something getting worse. My motivation and focus have seemed to completely diminish to the point where I barely get out of bed. I haven’t been able to hold a job in over a year now, and when tasked with the idea of finding another job, I look around, and never pursue anything. It's kind of like it doesn’t even matter to me. I've battled with drugs throughout the years, experimenting with hallucinogens (acid, mushrooms), amphetamines, prescription narcotics, marijuana, ecstasy, and possibly others. Now, there are some things that should be brought to light, I learned I was adopted in early 2012 after finding a letter addressed to my mother from the adoption agency in which I was adopted from. Afterwards, I learned that my birth mother, whom left me in the hospital, frequently used cocaine before and during her pregnancy with me, which required rehabilitation as a baby(no recollection of this, but was told). As far as school is concerned, I got by in high school. I didn't participate in any extra-curricular activities or sports. I had a few friends here and there but nobody of significant importance. My grades were below average, which was due to my lack of turning in assignments. I ended up graduating with a 2.4 GPA. Because of my low GPA I attended my local community college. I failed miserably, ending out the year with 2 failed courses and nothing higher than a C. So, while on academic probation I transferred to a school 500 miles away, living with a family member, and attempted to try again. This backfired as I once again failed out. I don't know what is wrong and I have no idea where to begin to ask. As one could tell, I am completely scattered in my mind and have no leads as to where to begin to refresh my mind and/or figure out where to seek help.

anyone have advice? should i seek professional help?

Hello & Welcome, Crp2478! It sounds as if you have been self-medicating. Best to find what might really be going on inside -- medically and psychologically. I certainly would want to understand what the long-term effects of the early cocaine exposure might be.

Certainly, as your situation permits seek medical, psychological, and vocational counsel. Try to approach things from a variety of directions.

Please keep posting, Crp2478. (Your first few posts may be delayed in appearing.)

Hey crp,

I also suggest that you consult with a doctor. You have had some big life changes-going to post-secondary, moving, and the adoption news. It's good you came here to chat. It is hard trying to figure out what to take in school...I've been there, flunked many times, but after 11 years I finally found a college course that I actually like. Have you ever talked a counsellor?