[19682013]

Dealing w/depression for as long as i can remember. The same reccurent thoughts and feelings. I dont have any support. Live alone. Have taken meds, tons of meds off and on and in combo for years.

I have gone beyond the point of being able to help myself. I can just barely get the energy to breathe. My house is a mess, im not bathing/brushing teeth. If i didnt have to work i wouldnt ever talk to anyone or bathe or get out of the house at all. Work is getting more difficult, procrastinating, not answering the phone, doing the minimum, hiding that i am slacking off. I dont have anyone to check on me, no supportive family or friends. I think about going to a hospital and having someone make me wake up, take meds, bathe, make sure im okay, talk to me, make me talk to them, help me, shelter me. But how could i just take a month or even a few weeks off, i cant.

Barely had the energy/mind strength to find a therapist but need to call a psych for meds. Taking cymbalta only right now from pcp. I know theres a lot i need to/should do but i feel like no one understands, i feel incapcitated, uncapable of having enough organized thought to even be able to dial the damn phone and make an appt. If i can barely gather the will to shower how am i supposed to be able to take the steps to get help? I have no one to help me. I feel overwhelmed and am getting to a point of just letting everything go. Thinking, what if i just dont go to work, dont answer the phone when they call, what if someone has to break the door down to find me. What if i just allow the darkness to swallow me. Would i be homeless? Would i be dead?

[1hopefulgal]

Been there, done that. There were days where it was all I could do to crawl out of bed and pour myself a glass of milk before visiting the bathroom and stumbling back into bed. It's amazing. The things we used to get up and do without a single thought become an exhausting chore when we are depressed.

I allowed the problem to go on for almost a year before I came to my senses and realized that I wasn't going to get better without some help. I saw a doctor who wrote me a prescription for an anti-depressant, then referred me to a counselor who referred me to a psychiatrist who increased my medication.

The medication was not a magic pill that made me better. In fact, I think it's going to be increased again. But at least I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

[EitherOr]

You seem rushed and confused in your writings, and the best thing to do is try to snap out of the depressive cycle. Even though you want to escape your mind, every exit you find will just be another entrance back into your mind, because the truth is that you can't escape it. Therefore you should try to make it as pleasant as it can be, I imagine life like a theater play, and when you have a depression you look past the characters and the beautiful scenery, even behind the curtain and see the dark stage with nothing on it, and you start to wonder what everyone finds so exciting about it. You start to think "what if this is all life is?", and the thoughts and reflections escalates and persists. You get so enthralled by this way of thinking, that even the most exciting and beautiful things you can imagine are torn apart by your reflective mind in a few moments instead of simply appreciating the beauty of things.
Therefore, you must turn these thoughts around, bend them to something pleasant, force them to your will. Sadly, this isn't something you're able to do on your own, but what you can do is to pick the phone up, call your doctor and ask for a time, and you tell your parents, and you tell your friends. There are people who can help. People who wanna help, so accept that help. That's the least you can do.

Hi It sounds like you are going through a very hard time right now. I wish I could say something that would help right now but I can't. I hope coming here and talking helps.

[bharani1008]

You've just got to do it. You've got to call the dr and get help. You've got to take a shower. You've got to eat. I have felt the same as you and I know there is a small reserve of energy hidden somewhere inside of you. You can die later. Right now you have to live. Keep the suicide hotline number close to the phone. Call the Dr.
You have a whole community here ready to give you support. You're not alone. We understand.
Please get the help you need.

[Fuzzybear]

[Cocosurviving]

I'm glad you found this forum and reached
out for help. I hate that you do not have
any support. I encourage you to consider
talk therapy and a support group (www.nami.com).
I attend a support group, I've learned a lot
abt my condition, and made friends w/ a few
people.