[skittles]

why must my mom act this way.... she tells me i dont care or lover her beucase i dont spend the night with her...... i go for visits and things but i guess thats not good enough for her.... she cantr except that i have a life of my own... i talk to her everyday on the internet or phone.. but it doesnt seem good enough for her.... why must she make me feel this way.. as if im doing something wrong.. then she wonders why i get mad at her cause teats me this way.....

[Rhapsody]

I would say because of her on inner issues, from her past....... maybe ask her to list three to five things that shows her that you love her (and) then make one or two of them happen each week.

Good Luck....

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

It sounds like she may need you to fill in some kind of void she may be feeling in her life.
Maybe she's lonely. But making you responsible for her not feeling lonely isn't good.

[jacq10]

Yes ... it sounds to me like she is just insecure about your love for her and she needs some reassurance. however, this does not justify that she is making you feel as though it is your responsibility. Maybe you could show her that you love her in a different way, by even giving her extra hugs, or telling her that you do love her?

[(JD)]

awwww... It's tough to help a parent when they didn't fill their life with avocational activities of their own... this is especially common for mothers who stayed home from working to raise the children, and poured all their energy into what the children wanted or needed to do..and when the children are gone??? They have nothing to enjoy on their own.

Try and get your mom involved with a group or some volunteering... to help her recreate a life for herself. She'll still need you but won't be so "needy."

hang in there skittles. I have both sides of this topic. I have a mom who misses me and wants me to come see her more and I have a child who because of his behaviour problems can't live here at home.

I want my child to be here and live here with me because with out him I feel empty. Its kind of like going through the grief cycle of when someone has died. Have you every known someone that you loved or got close to and that person died? It feels like that when the mom has a child who for whatever reasons has to not live at home. There is nothing anyone can do or say that will make that feeling go away. Its just a part of the mother child bond that happens when a mom finds out that they are pregnant, and they carry that child inside of them for the whole pregnancy and then feeding and taking care of that baby.

In some places what I am feeling and what is going on with your mom is called - The Empty Nest Syndrome" . In normal situations this type of grief cycle doesn't happen until the last child in the household reaches 18 and goes away to college or gets married or gets their own appartment.

But like my son and maybe your situation the child was basically "Taken". So now not only is there a feeling of loss and emptyness there also the feeling of our child in a sense has been kidnapped.

So then when there is contact with the child moms like me just want to and need to hold onto that child for however long and how ever possible. The reason is because the mom knows that time to hold their baby their child is on a time limit.

One way my child and I took care of this situation between us was that instead of my getting into a debate of his questions of mommy can I come home now, and my latching on to him too tight during our time together is that we instead would plan activities for our next visitation that way we both knew we WOULD be seeing each other again.

Then our time together began to mean more to the both of us then the fact that he was not living at home.

That sense of a death and kidnapped and emptyness will always be there for me until my "baby" comes home. Yes my child is now 13. But I gave birth to him so he will always be "my baby" even when he's 80 years old.

there is a book out there that might help my son and I love it. Its a childrens book but it explains the mother child bond. Its called -

Love You Forever (Paperback)
by Robert N. Munsch, Sheila McGraw

It goes through a mom having a baby and she would hold and rock the baby saying - I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as Im living my baby you will always be.

As the baby grows the mother continues to rock the child and say that,

The child grows up into a young man with a place of his own and the mom goes and rocks him and says that

Then the mom is old and the man goes and rock the mom saying that saying except changing it to as long as Im living my mom you will always be. Then he goes home and continues the tradition with his own child.

you cant change your mom and the fact that she is going through the empty nest syndrome

but you can sit down with her maybe even with the book and let her know you understand what she is going through and that you both know that it is not possible nd not the best thing for the two of you to be living together right now. Maybe some day that will change but right now the living arrangements are what they are and that you want to make the best of the time you two have together and ask her if there is anything special the two of you can do together during this visitation and also make plans for the next time you visit.

[FaithisAlive]

Myself.... Never have I heard a story so close to mine told.... I lost my son just as you have one week before he turned 7.

I was devestated. In my situation, his father got him from me because i had ran away with him to protect him from his father.

I was permitted weekend visits as the "absent parent" for 3 years and then he took my son and kept him hidden from me for 10 years.

I think you have a good idea of my pain. I am sorry you are having to go through this and I am thankful that your baby will coming home.

When I finally found my son he was 18 and in jail. he is now almost 23 and he is finally beginning to get his life together a little bit.

His father, in his revenge against me succeeded causing me the greatest pain I have ever known.. but he hurt my son far worse.

I never went a single minute or hour or day without my son on my mind, even though I didn't know where he was. When i found him I wanted to be with him every minute.. i wanted to hold him in my arms like he was a little boy...

Skittles....I know it is annoying for you and it isn't fair for her to put you on a guilt trip.... try talking to her.. she probably misses you and she needs another outlet to keep her busy..

Reading our stories can give you a glimpse of what goes on in a mom's heart when it comes to her children being away from her...a part of her is missing.

Hang in there hun!

thanks Faith. My "baby" will come home because DHS childrens services can only keep them until he reaches 18 and graduated high school. then they give them the boot so to seak so I am living for the day my child comes home. so physically he wont be home until like your baby when he is 18.

but mentally -

me too not a day or minute goes by without my child on my mind. some days I wake up and spend the day daydreaming my child and I are biking or going to the local petting zoo, watching him throw his frisbee. and so on. some days my friends will call and say how was your day and I say (sons name) and I went to TCBY, or the petting zoo or biking and so on. DHS may have to have my child in foster care and residentail treatment centers but they can never take him away from me because in my mind he will always be here with me. and some day he will also be her physically.

I know dangerious thinking process for someone who is DID and has a brain that takes traumatic memories apart and stores them in the unconscious level to be acted out when encountering triggers. But the way I see it I already went through a period of 6 moths where I could not remember I had a child let alone what him and I did together. when people would ask me about him I would either say "what?" or Who?" or bluff that I knew what they were talking about. so if my brain is going to create an alter from my memories of my child it probably has already happened since there are still some things my friends know about my child and me that I don't remember. so it can't hurt anything now with me living in my day dreams of biking and so on with my child.