[Kellyann]

my daughter needs help and I do not know where to turn. She is 21, works, goes to school and coaches a high school team. In April, she totaled her car, hit a telephone pole at 45 mph. She blacked out at the wheel, the doctors told her she had epilepsy. All tests were negative, but they still put her on meds. She is still having siezures. Since her accident, the partying increased 100 times, and she just does not care. She only speaks to me to let me know how much life sucks and that she wishes she died in the accident. Other than that she avoids me and laughs at me when I worry about her. I do not sleep until she is home, which has gone up to three days. I know that I am a rotten mother, but she is so alone right now and needs help. Any ideas of what I can do for her? I really do not want to lose my daughter. My kids are all that really matter to me

Since she is an adult all you really can do is be there to talk when she needs you. my mom goes through alot worrying about me too. She used to try and do things for me but that only made our relationship worse because my problems are my problems to take care of the best way that I think they should be taken care of.

You can sit down with her and ask her if she wants your help in locating another doctor for a second opinion and possible therapy to help her cope with the many emotions and problems that living with a serious physical health problem gives her. and let her know you respect her judgement on what is best for her and want her to tell you what she needs from you.

after that talk you will know what she needs from you and help with doing and will be able to do what you can for her.

as an adult though all decisions and options are up to her now. She's the driver and you are now the supportive passenger in this ride. It may be at time a rough ride where you will at times feel helpless but you and your daughter will be fine as long as you are both letting each other know what you need from each other and let your daughter make the decisions for herself.

hang in there.

[heartspace]

Kellyann, your daughter is lucky to have a caring mother such as yourself. I'd suggest she see a counsellor: her behaviour might be some sort of PTSD,, or else, the incident might have unleashed some hidden unhappiness in her life that preceded the accident.

hi kellyann.

firstly, can i just say, you dont sound like a lousy mother from where im sat. its good to see you care enough to find sites such as these to try to find a solution to the problem in hand...but a solution sometimes might not be found by you.

you have to pass control of this to your daughter, however worrying this may be to you, she is the only one who knows whats really going on in her head. when shes ready for help, she will let you know.

when people experience events such as a car accident that was caused by a blackout, or siezure, this can trigger emotional breakdowns. the non-stop partying etc is all side effects of this and they will gradually fade. please, try and ride it out.

all you can poosibly do right now for your daughter is to let her know you are there for her, if she should need you.

she is also at that age where all she wants to do is party, and she now has an excuse for doing it. she will see this soon, and that is when she will need help.

so all i can say really is to try to carry on as normal, dont lose sleep if shes not home, dont worry about how or where she is. she will be with people she knows and so she is safe. you cant let it effect your life to the extent that it is, you have to step back, it will do her better if you did step back, than if you smothered her...as smothering will cloud her vision and make it harder for her to realise what needs to be done. just be ready for her when she needs you.

i hope everything works out, and i will get in touch soon to see how things are going ok. speak soon kellyann. take care

simon

[Kellyann]

thank you for the encouraging word. All I can do is take it day by day. I really hopes that she opens her eyes soon. She has so much going for her and I do not want to screw it up

[Flinty]

Hi Kellyann,
I am sorry that your daughter is suffering so much.
I too believe that this is some form of Post Traumatic Stress..... it maybe that your daughter is having trouble dealing with what has happened to her, which would greatly explain her regret for surviving the crash!!
I suggest councilling, but in the mean time, you just need to be her mum, she come around on her own & talk to you about this..... She is very, very lucky to have you in her life!!
Flinty

[FaithisAlive]

Hi! I'm sorry for your pain.. there isn't anything worse than having to stand by helplessly while you watch your child hurting and self destructing.

The others speak with such wisdom, i can't think of anything else to add; just that you and your precious daughter will be in my prayers.And that I hear in your words the love of a good mother.