[1242Pete]

I have been depressed since high school, but was put off getting help due to a bad experience with a depression helpline. Eventually I had to drop out of university and leave my job in New Zealand, as I couldn't take the pressure. I tried looking for another job, but I was too depressed and soon ran out of savings.

Living with family in Maryland now, who helped me move to the US as I could no longer cope. Bit while they are away on holiday I have got quite more depressed than usual, and had suicidal thoughts again.

I got diagnosed last year in New Zealand with clinical depression, they provided me Prozac but it only helped for a short time, as the side effects eventually became a problem.

As for counseling I haven't had any, and have visited a psychologist only once while living in New Zealand. I have Kaiser insurance through family, but I don't want to either blow the bank, or get sucked into a treatment that doesn't work. I feel that talking to someone might help, but talking to family is difficult - and just upsets them and me.

[allimsaying]

Has it helped to write about it? Talking and writing have both been beneficial to me. How did you feel before the depression began? Was there ever a time in life you were happy? Sorry youre feeling bad, I hope it can lift soon for you. Keep reading and posting if you find it helpful.

[1242Pete]

I'm a writer, so writing it down doesn't - it just distracts. Well I was bullied when I was quite young due to my disability, then at high school because I was bi. The time I was most happy was at the last few years of intermediate school, though one of my friends died of leukemia (sp) in the second to last year, which hit me hard. Last year I found a flatmate dead in the bathroom (he died due to a medical condition), which wasn't nice either.

[allimsaying]

Thats pretty rough. Being bullied is not a small matter. It has long lasting and far reaching effects. It affects self esteem, destroys confidence, and people have committed suicide in response to it. You are still a survivor.

Do you think you can be happy ever again? Happiness in the sense that you accept life on lifes terms and yet manage to enjoy when not on serious matters.

[bharani1008]

You've had enough experiences to cause anyone to be depressed! I'm so sorry you had a bad experience with helplines. That's terrible. Do you think you could try again since you'd be using another group of people altogether?
There is a resource list at the top of the depression forum with lots of help that is available. Most of these are free.
In the meantime try to hang in there. Go for a walk. Get a parakeet. they are such good company. It would give a reason to get up in the morning, maybe.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Nobody can understand how hard it is unless they experienced it before themselves.
In the meantime keep posting and let us know how you are.

[1242Pete]

Originally Posted by allimsaying

Thats pretty rough. Being bullied is not a small matter. It has long lasting and far reaching effects. It affects self esteem, destroys confidence, and people have committed suicide in response to it. You are still a survivor.

Do you think you can be happy ever again? Happiness in the sense that you accept life on lifes terms and yet manage to enjoy when not on serious matters.

I think things could make me happy, but they don't come out of thin air i.e. like finding a partner or building a life financially.

[1242Pete]

Originally Posted by bharani1008

You've had enough experiences to cause anyone to be depressed! I'm so sorry you had a bad experience with helplines. That's terrible. Do you think you could try again since you'd be using another group of people altogether?
There is a resource list at the top of the depression forum with lots of help that is available. Most of these are free.
In the meantime try to hang in there. Go for a walk. Get a parakeet. they are such good company. It would give a reason to get up in the morning, maybe.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Nobody can understand how hard it is unless they experienced it before themselves.
In the meantime keep posting and let us know how you are.

I could, but it is difficult talking about*. The first one I tried in New Zealand just rang the police, and never got back to me.

*Especially since talking about it makes me feel like I am wasting people's time.