[tigersassy]

Today my brain has been running a million miles a min but everything in it negative. This am I was dare I say it happy (after I got going) then shortly after was so mad for no reason now am wanting to cry cause I don't know wth is wrong with me. Partner told me she thinks I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. That set me on mad at me for having a defective brain.... or being fed up in the head with no hope of getting better. Obviously there's something wrong somewhere. I just want to be better but if its what I'm thinking it is there isn't really a better so much as a "take this and go to therapy for the rest of forever to learn to deal with your thoughts and give you a person to talk to". This post probably doesn't even go in this forum. Mods can move if that's the case. I just needed to get it out now even with therapy in like 2 hours or less. Grumble grumble....

[Sweet tea]

Hi. I'm not sure I can help, but I can totally relate to you. I suffer from depression. I have been on meds for the past 11 years. Different ones, of course. Sometimes they don't work well enough or whatever. Anyway, I know what you mean about no hope of getting better. I'm feeling that way now myself. It stinks! I do see a T. I am glad I go, she does help me. Ive just been feeling so negative lately. Like, will I ever feel good again, happy again, be my old self again? Sorry, I'm rambling. On top of all this depression stuff, I'm married with children and have no interest in intimacy, whatsoever....probably the med, right? I'm starting to question my sexuality. Am I a lesbian? I have been obsessing about this for some time now. So, anyway, your not alone with your feelings. You've come to the right place. I see a lot of great advice given on these forums. I wish you well. Take care.

[Rohag]

Hello, Tigersassy.

Originally Posted by tigersassy

I just needed to get it out now even with therapy in like 2 hours or less.

How did therapy go? Were you able to inform the T of today's uncontrolled flood of negative thoughts? Did T tell you anything constructive?

All the king's pdocs and all the king's Ts haven't been able to put a bunch of us back together again. (It doesn't rhyme, but you get the idea.)

[tigersassy]

Not to much help from t. Kindda felt pointless. I did tell her the crap about my negative thoughts. Not much other than we need to change that.... no crap. She thinks antidepressants sound like a good idea too. That's 3 people for them and just me against but only because I don't want to be stuck on meds forever. Head hurts... here comes the downward spiral.

[lostinbooks]

The meds don't have to be forever. I take them for six months to a year at a time, until I feel stable. Then (with Dr. help) I go off for awhile. Until I fall apart again. My doctor doesn't really like this, but he knows I don't want to be on meds and he now trusts me to ask for help when I need it. It took almost 20 years to learn to ask for help.

Hold on.

[bharani1008]

I love my meds!!! They make it possible for me to want to live. I have some control over my mind. I can make better choices. There is no comparison between when I'm on meds and off of them. I'm just grateful to modern medicine. I probably will always have to be on them but heart patients have to be on meds lifelong, and diabetics and lots of other illnesses.
I hope you will feel better soon.

[tigersassy]

I'm tired of the ups and Downs. So I'd probably wind up faking the meds just to avoid that. I'm so preoccupied by what's wrong with my brain that it makes it hard to do much else and focus on the things I need to like at work. Then I keep thinking about what if my PCP can't help me, and she refers me to someone else. I don't like drs anyway. I don't know... think it'd be easier if I just went inpatient and said screw it. I want to be better but that means they gotta figure out what is wrong with me first which I doubt they will soon. I'm hoping its just an easy fix (wishful thinking I know). In my head nothing is ever easy. Hoping weather clears up was looking forward to going camping doesn't look like that's going to happen now though thanks to rain. Gotta go negative thoughts are compounding and don't feel like I'm making sense.

[tigersassy]

So new PCP was amazing. She took almost half an hour to talk with me to find out what the problems were. She prescribed me viibryd its a newer antidepressant. I started it last night... don't know if that's when I'll take it or not but thought it was a good place to start. Have a followup with her in six weeks unless I need something sooner. I'm keeping a close eye on my symptoms so that I can give her good information. I didn't sleep well last night but I don't think that was the meds my parents power went out so my dad wasn't going to have an alarm this morning. They asked me to do a wake up call at 5am and I was afraid I'd over sleep. Going to go try to sleep more or get up and start the day.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by tigersassy

So new PCP was amazing. She took almost half an hour to talk with me to find out what the problems were.

That's a great relief - a healthcare profession who is willing to listen carefully! It doesn't eliminate the problems, but you can feel like you have a real ally in the fight.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Rohag

That's a great relief - a healthcare profession who is willing to listen carefully! It doesn't eliminate the problems, but you can feel like you have a real ally in the fight.