Something to hold on to

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Hi folks, I'm thrilled that I found this message board, and I'm very hopeful it can provide some answers.

My story, briefly, is this: I suffer from depression, as many here do, and I'm on regular meds. I have made more than my share of both personal and professional bad decisions and now find myself feeling like the walls are closing in rapidly. For the first time in my life, I'm in real need of something to hold on to, to give me strength, to give me comfort as I try to carry on.

I know that usually the first response to this is to find religion, and I've tried. But I'm afraid that it just doesn't work for me, and I'd be happy to explain if asked, but for now suffice it to say that it really doesn't feel like an option for me.

I've read books on the subconscious and how a person can, over time, "convince" their subconscious to improve their outlook, to help them make better decisions, etc. I've tried those exercises too, and sadly they have had no effect.

As a result, I find myself feeling truly lost, and worse, alone. Why do other people seem to have something to hold on to, something that gives them strength and comfort, and I don't? Don't I deserve that too?

So I guess I'm looking for ideas -- what do you hold on to for strength and comfort? How did you find it? What is your process for communicating with it?

I hope this makes sense, and I look forward to any responses.

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Hi BobCO

Small things help me hold on. I went through some real dark times the last few years and it's been a struggle to get out of it. I try to practice some form of mindfulness on a daily basis. At the end of the day, I will write down 10 good things I came across that day (someone smiling at me, doing a good job on something, a tasty meal, etc). By doing 10 instead of a smaller number like 1 or 2 the good outweighs the bad. When I'm not feeling great, i will sometimes do a body scan meditation where I try to find where the bad feeling is located and just practice experiencing it. I make no judgements, just accept in this moment I'm having a feeling of such and such. I give myself pep talks where I give myself support like a good friend might. With these types of practices, I have found my mood swings are less severe and I enjoy life much more.

I've been here about a year and a half & have been pretty active 1-on-1 & in the forums--I've made a few good friends and posted in the forums most closely related to my issues, so folks in those ares are fairly familiarly with me and my many problems, rants, personal and work issues.

I've established a support system at PsychCentral for when I can't make it on my own, and it's big enough that enough folks will be available even if some are preoccupied with their own problems.

I have a therapist and a pdoc and mdoc as well, but it's my PC support system that keeps me going. It's taken time & care building this system, but totally worth it.

I hope this gives you some ideas.

Roadie

I recommend two little paperbacks for starters: "Forgiving and Moving On" and "Keep It
Simple".

It's difficult for me to say much more because the only really successful route for me
in life to follow was not a religious route, but a spiritual route. The Hazeldon Foundation
publishes some excellent reading material on self-improvement that might help give
you an insight into what spiritual life is all about.

I think what you're asking for is inner peace. One of the strongest things we have to
learn is that we need to live by our deepest inner principles. Doing so tends to ease
a lot of the stress of life. And that's a big part of feeling frustrated.

Reading about how other people manage in life gives insight into our own problems... at
least for me it did. One person here noted one day that she looked into the mirror and said to herself: "there's your problem right there". For me, the only route to follow after that had to be a spiritual approach to living--not a religious one--a spiritual one.

Try reading Emmet Fox's paperback called "Around the Year With Emmet Fox". He
was a brilliant writer on the power of positive thinking and its role in spriitual life. One
thing he points out is that there isn't any therapy in psychiatry that can be more
helpful than prayer life. Even if you can't believe in spirituality now, you might learn
it through reading his daily thoughts.

I wish you every good effort in learning to love yourself and that, in my view, is the single
most important gift we can give ourselves.

Hi BobCO
I hope you find that something that makes you feel better pretty soon. I do not have any advice for you, I am reading what other folks here are saying and it makes sense to me. In fact, I will take their advice for me. One thing I would like to tell you about your question why some people seem to have something to hold on to and you don't. OK, not for all cases, but sometimes, if you are intelligent, if you are aware of many things that happen around you and beyond you, if you are more self-conscious, it is more difficult for you to find something to hold on to. I do not want to say that happy people are stupid or vice versa. I do not want to say that depression does not exist as a mental health condition and that everything is about intelligence. But there is something about intelligence and awareness related to sadness.

Hi BobCo,

Good to meet you here. Thanks for your post. I wrote this question on this forum a couple mos. ago, and also what gets you thru the day. I asked myself this question, and I still don't have anything that I hold onto or that makes me feel like I can thru the day.

I like hearing other people's suggestions because I hope one day I just read one of them and it is something that works for me, that I can take to heart & make work.

xxx

Gracez