Life is too hard

Why can't people understand us? I said that I couldn't cope with a house guest (an Aunt) and everyone comes back at me and says, "What's the matter with you?" Even my Aunt doesn't hear me, but says that she is hurt. So I give in and say okay. Now I'm a mess. Anxiety is soaring, I'm choking to death, I just want to quit life. Even when I try to explain how I feel no one understands. My Aunt says, "You don't show any signs of depression and if you are just get the right pill." They just don't/can't/won't understand. Why won't they leave me alone? It's just a weekend visit so I'll have to depend on God and my meds to get me through. Sometimes I just hate life.

I wish I knew. I agree life is too hard. I can't find the strength to carry on most of the time. I keep going just for my family so they don't get sad for me being gone. I want to quit all the time too. For me, meds don't do a thing. I've never been on a med that made me feel any different mentally. I hate life too. Every child that is born saddens me. I don't have a solution for you.

This is going to be a rough weekend for you, Jean17. Take your meds and exploit everything in your coping bag of tricks to make it through - odds are you will make it through your aunt's visit. As best you can, observe yourself during the weekend (my personal experience is that during a traumatic time observing oneself is exceptionally difficult). After the weekend's over, assess whatever observations you made. What worked? What didn't? What was more stressful? Less stressful? When is avoidance necessary? When can you safely confront stress?

Anyway, people will be here and ready to listen.

Hi Jean,
I feel reflected on your comments. I apologize in advance for my English, which is being terrible lastly. Hope I can communicate what I would like to say. IMO, fear triggers people to react against what they believe is not "normal". It is their fear what pushes them to push you to "be normal". They do not want to believe you or understand you, in an unconscious way. They want to believe that life is a box of chocolates. They want to believe that everything can be under control and chaos terrifies them. Mostly, Western people think like that. But here in the South of the world, things are more or less the same. But, I am sorry for them. Life is not a box of chocolates. People come in different sizes, and personality traits. People can be very sad under a surface of normalcy. People can seem to be functioning OK while they have an invisible disability and are suffering excruciating pain. Imagine, even I have a visible disability, and my type of condition is pretty well known everywhere, yet some people think I could walk if I really made an effort to. In fact, that they want to believe is that if they eventually got an injury like mine, they would get cured. People do not like to admit that there is pain, sadness, depression, whatever, because they do not want to see their own weaknesses, and because they have a negative view about human differences. On the other hand, sometimes, if I am not too depressed, it is good to me to get out of myself to reach out and help others. I mean, eventually that can be good. But not always. In 2008 I was pretty depressed. I was leaving in the US. I went to a psychiatrist. She gave psychotherapy and prozac. I improved rapidly. But I got really well when, in the middle of the treatment, my mom came to visit me and had a health problem. I had to call emergency and spent several days in the hospital with my mom. I can relate that that event (my mother being suddenly and gravely sick) woke me up. My depression kept me in the lethargy and that event woke me up, really. The psychiatrist thought I was not going to be able to cope with such pressure, but I did. She was pretty happy with my reaction and I recall that was an important milestone in my treatment. but now, being back in my country of origin, I am facing many challenges. One of the challenges is my brother mental health issues. I should reach out him, being the mature one. i just cannot do it. I cannot deal with him, and take care of my mom, and my own business and health issues. i feel overwhelmed most of the time. I am not sure if people are judging me or not for this change in my personality. But if they do, they are mistaken. Nobody should judge us.

Thanks Clara for your helpful comments, I just read your reply.

Jean, will you keep us posted how you are feeling during the weekend if you have a computer?

I just wanted to say it's courageous of you to go and do this thing you really don't want to do. And it is being kind to others, fulfilling their wish. Of course I wish you didn't have to be under pressure to go, or go at all. But it's nice of you.

This year I've had to do plenty of things I don't want to or dread doing because I rarely want to do anything or engage with anyone. I might develop a lot of anxiety around it, and also not enjoy myself one bit while I'm there, or feel the better from going and going and doing. So I understand a bit where you're coming from.

Also I've been thinking many times recently that - other people just can't understand. I really am wishing it weren't that way. Like I'm hearing from many people on PC that like myself they don't talk much, openly, to other people. People here understand. I think most humans just are having this tendency without even noticing it's a tendency! To be locked up in our own view and perception, and not even realizing that everyone else is suffering or reaching out to find out honestly how it is for another person. Yes, it's a lack of care and certainly can feel that way, but I've also been thinking that maybe that lack of care is coming from straight up ignorance - not even knowing that we have blinders on in our views and perceptions.

I'm not sure if my writing makes sense - I'm tired and don't express myself as clearly when tired.

Sending hugs

Gracez