empty

i feel so empty inside all the time. I can't stand it sometimes. Its hard to explain it just feels like so much is missing from my life. Like i see people out having fun and i'm not. When i do go out i'll i feel is lifeless and alone. ITs like i want to let people in but i can't. I'm afraid.

I don't trust people easily, i know that. I guess if you don't trust you don't let people in right? I don't know i've been having trouble this week. I'm not even sure why.
I'm so tired of being alone but to afraid to let my guard down to let anybody else in.

The fact is that i hate being around other people. Iget nervous and feel so very out of place. I've been doing stupid things this week and i know it. Living recklessly yet i can't seem to stop.

I feel strange and very vunerable when another person looks at me, and find myself looking at the ground most of the time. Even going out shopping today was an experience i have no desire to repeat. I've been wearig my glasses a lot this week as well. I know i'm hiding behind them. But what from? and why am i so scared of something i want so much?

I just want somebody to really care about me, is that so wrong? I just have to find a way to let my walls come down a little bit, but thats so hard to do.

*hugs* I am sorry that you are having such a hard time and I only hope that things will get better for you soon. The only way you can start letting people in is if you put yourself out there and try harder. I know that it may seem impossible to do but there is a way that you can work yourself up to really opening up to others. You just need to start off small and go at a slow pace to where you can handle it and work your way up. Just sharing simple things like I feel sad today will help you even if it may not feel like it at first. Just keep trying and we are here for you. *hugs*