Depression and Self hatred not getting better...

Its getting harder and harder to carry on... I'm at a loss for words..

Dear InfiniteSadness: I know this feeling too well, sometimes it just feels as if there is nothing more to say, and speaking at all is too much of an effort. I can still walk into some place and chit chat with a smile for a few moments, I try to be friendly to make others at ease, but I cannot stay. And, sometimes even the good things are difficult when you just can't feel what you "should"...it is hard to remember that there actually have been good times, those moments in time that are special, and the darkness, all the sad, bad, thoughts, memories just flood and won't shut up in there. But you've got to hang in there, (and here I am thinking that I haven't read enough of your posts to be saying anything to you...it could all ring false)------While you live, things will change---and there will be good times to come. Hang in there. You are worth it.

If youre at the level of self hatred, it doesnt surprise me at all that you're still feeling depressed. What could you do to make yourself love yourself more?

Hi InfiniteSadness,

Just wanted to say I'm here for you. I know these feelings. I can't really say that I do carry on. I go thru some motions of the day. As little as possible. I don't engage much in the world or with other people. I also don't feel I have much to say.

I hope though this is just temporary for you and you experience a break soon.

Big hugs

Gracez

sending huge hugs your way ((infinitesadness))

I know this feeling too well. Right now I feel the same too.. we all have to remind ourselves that we're warriors.. stronger than the people out there. if a hospitalisation is necessary, then so be it. cry, if you need to.

hope it's get better soon! *sends over virtual cookies*

I really hope it doesn't come to a hospitalization... ugh. That would be extremely upsetting.. but it may be inevitable

I know how you feel, Infinite Sadness. I have to go to the pharmacy today, and just the thought of it exhausts me. Living with depression is like walking around with an anvil on your back. Just know you're not alone. I share that weight.

It's a new day, and I hope today feels at least a little better for you.

Have you ever discussed your childhood with a psychiatrist, InfiniteSadness? Often,
these problems go way back to the days when we were too little to understand that
the criticism we got seemed to be an attack on our little person inside to us. Where
that came from in your childhood is important for you to know so that you can work
through it and learn that it just wasn't so.

My guess is that you have done that and that you are still walking through the time
period in which those things happened. You need to learn to step outside that and
live your life as a mature and loving person, because deep down, your little child inside
knows that you are good and worthy. You need to let that precious little one out to
breathe easily and happily.

It's a conscience that's too strong in some of us and guilt that was built into our
systems when we were just too young to be able to absorb it except to think that
we were unworthy. All that is just not true.

Please talk about issues inside with your psychiatrist and get those things out. The
things that you are least willing to talk about are the things most needed to be discussed in the privacy of a psychiatrist's office to finally free you from the tyranny of the past.

Good wishes and healing to you.