[demoncard]

I don't know if anyone has experienced this before but that terrible sadness that starts in the chest, immediately makes you cry, and spreads. It's like a tangible emotional pain. What is that? I've never understood it but god, does it hurt.

I realized today that I haven't seen anyone outside of my job for almost 2 months. I haven't went anywhere or done anything. I've gone to work, came home and did something but I've been wasting a lot of time just staring at the ceiling. I just find myself laying on the bed, staring and I did this for 2 hours tonight without even realizing it. Then I fell asleep for 2 hours and feel like a total waste.

I have 2 friends. One is in Michigan for the summer and the other one, well, she has been like my sister for 10 years but something has changed and I feel like I should cut her out of my life but it's way more complicated then that, as I've had feelings for her and we've messed around. That's part of the reason I feel like I have to cut her out. I am in a relationship and I'm engaged to be married but I'm crazy about her, I always have been and it's poisoning me. Not her fault, my own.

I have no idea what to do. I have never told that to anyone. Weird what you can share on the internet.

[gracez]

yes, i'm glad you found an outlet to share. it's helpful to the person expressing it and to the readers too

i have that feeling every day. I also experience nausea and gagging when i get really upset. the painful feelings are always in the chest.

[demoncard]

My anxiety has reach an all time peak. My job makes me so anxious that I generally run to the bathroom to puke at least 3 times a shift. I hate it.

I HATE those feelings too!!! I'm soooooo sorry that you're going through this. You are not alone. You've got a lot of feelings to get sorted out so I hope you'll find comfort here at PC. I know I have. Good luck and hang in there!

[demoncard]

I just don't know how to sort out these feelings. I've been fighting depression for 14 years, most of my freaking life.

[herethennow]

yup i have that feelings everyday... it's part of depression for me. it's this feeling in my chest that feels empty.. like a vacuum like of empty. it just hurts, and it somewhat contributes to what's making me sad.

have you ever tried mindfulness? it's a way of identifying these feelings..

[OrionFlinn]

My sadness and loneliness have become a physical pain in my chest as well. Some days it comes and goes, but most days it's just there constantly. It's unbearable. It causes a lot of anxiety and makes me feel sick. Sometimes I start shaking uncontrollably and hyperventilating and feel like I'm going to pass out. I actually have passed out briefly a couple times at work. I don't eat much to try to avoid throwing up.

It's definitely linked to loneliness for me. I don't have any friends or family to hang out with. When I overhear other people at work making plans to go to parties and stuff, the loneliness gets worse, and so does the pain in my chest and the sickness and anxiety.

Sometimes it helps me a little to go out and do stuff by myself like go to see a band I like or go to a movie. Sometimes nothing helps. I'm going to go to a DBSA support meeting sometime soon to see if that might help at all. You might want to try the same.

I'm sorry about your friend. I don't know the details, so I don't know if cutting her out of your life is really the best thing. I know how devastating it is to lose a good friend.

[yellowfrog268]

I've felt sadness that starts in the chest and feels like a very heavy weight pressing down on me. It sucks. Do you have a pdoc or therapist?

[davmid]

Originally Posted by demoncard

I don't know if anyone has experienced this before but that terrible sadness that starts in the chest, immediately makes you cry, and spreads. It's like a tangible emotional pain. What is that? I've never understood it but god, does it hurt.

I've had that feeling many times over the past several months. For me, it was brought on by grieving the loss of my marriage and my wife falling for someone else.

I've worked many different jobs in heavy construction and have endured countless injuries. Some areas of my body have more scar than skin. But I've never felt a pain as terrible as this. It grips my chest, shuts off my throat and fills my eyes with tears all in an instant.

I was recently sitting with W to talk over some of the logistics of what we're going through and this pain attacked me. I became unable to think or speak. It was horrifying...

I'm so sorry to hear that others have to experience this, too. I wish I could take it away from each of you and carry the burden for you. I can't imagine it would hurt any worse than it already has.

[demoncard]

Thank you guys.

My relationship with my friend is...really interesting. She has been everything to me for so long but something changed in her. I don't know what it is but there seems to be a coldness there now. I don't want to go into her story but she has every reason to be cold but I don't know why she's doing it to me. She knows about my history and current issues as she's suffered some similar herself. I still shoot her texts from time to time. I haven't seen her, in, pretty much those whole two months. She kinda just stopped talking to me, which has never happened before.

No, I don't have a pdoc. I just don't have the money. I am not in any kind of treatment because of that same reason. I do go to the online DBSA meetings every Monday night. I also have another website I got to. They're counselors and you can make appointments. It's totally free. It's just based in Singapore. So my appointments range from 9 pm -1 am. It's not ideal but it's what I have.

The reason I'm having such a hard time with my friend is I've already lost a lot of friends to various things. I lost two really really good friends to meth. Our contact became so infrequent and now they don't even check up and they're having a baby and I just want to cry. I held on so long, trying to get them back and make contact and I couldn't. I just couldn't and it was hurting me more than helping them. So, I just said that's that. If they ever want to see me again, they know where I live. Sorry to ramble. I feel like it's the right thing to do but it hurts so much to think about doing it.

The people she hangs out with and I ultimately hang out with, when I'm with her, are...interesting. There's nothing wrong with them it's just that, I have a past with alcohol and they're bar hoppers and so is she. I don't drink by myself, I don't buy alcohol but when it's there and being bought for me, I can't stop myself. And she's the type of friend who doesn't just hang out with one person, ever. There's always a group so it's really hard to avoid. That's only part of the reason. The other being I'm engaged and in love with my SO but I still legitimately love her.

And I'm rambling again. Thank you guys for listening. lol.