Need a boost

So after a couple weeks of managing and feeling mostly good, I am on the downward slide. Just last night I felt productive, in control of my thoughts, I wasn't sad. Now it just hits me out of nowhere- sadness and anxiety, tears. It makes me feel weak so I let in the thoughts that usually get me down because that's what my reality feels like. Maybe I am just kidding myself the rest of the time.
My family disappoints me.
I'm disappointed that I am still single.
I feel like a failure as a parent.
Work is stressful.
I just feel defeated.
That's life, right? When I think of how many years I've suffered with depression and how many more I have to go... The ups and downs. I know there will be an upswing, just like I know there will be another downward spiral at some point. I hate that!

Get your toolbox stacked ready for next time.

Each night before you go to bed, practice letting go of all the negative things that have
happened during the day. (They're going to happen, you know, to all of us from time
to time.) It's important that you let go of everything that is negative within you every
24 hours so that it doesn't accumulate and virtually paralyze our ability to function
effectively.

Someone I read about the other day suggested taking a hot shower and picturing all
the "slings and arrows" of the day being drained away in the water as you shower.
Others of us may sit down in the privacy of our bedroom and read some meditative
work that is uplifting and reveals that the daily stress can be driven out of our
systems by picturing it being just swept from our minds by a broom that gets to
even the smallest dust in the corners of our minds.

Pegasus' idea of "getting your tool box ready" is an example of what I'm talking about.

We have to prepare each night to get the negativity of the day out of ourselves.
All of us find a way to do that by making the effort to concentrate on
watching it flow from us just like the wind sweeping fall leaves from our lawns.

Let each day's stress be sufficient for that day; start each day with Pegasus' "toolbox"
loaded for managing that one day's activities that "get to us".

Squeezing a couple of lemons into about 6 oz. of water and drinking it causes real
relaxation. If you aren't better in 4 hours, repeat it; chances are that you will feel
much calmer. It does work for some of us. If you find it works, use it only occasionally thereafter when stress builds beyond your feeling that you can manage it that one day.

Take care.

Hello Heather11. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I know that it is exhausting dealing with anxiety and depression. It's good that you are able to rise above it sometimes. You know what you are capable of and that should give you a little confidence.
It may be time to see your dr. again and get your medications adjusted. How long has it been since you saw him? I think it's necessary to see your dr. periodically because our bodies change a little all the time.
Your reality is as much you triumphs as well as the times that are difficult so please don't downplay your strengths. I am in awe of any parent. I don't know how they find all that strength and patience.
Just post here as often as you need. We will be here to listen.