Can't stop crying

Yesterday my cousin got me to get out of the house and do some errands with her. I only went because her puppy came too and he made me feel more safe. Today I was thinking back to it and got a little moody and so was in a fight with my mom and sister because I hid the adderall from them. It's not like I wanted it for myself, it's prescribed to my sister but my mom started taking it too and I know that my sister shares it with her but it scares me when they take it and I just didn't want them to have it. But they were bothing yelling at me and my mom my go to jail and my sister is never here anymore so I'm alone all the time. It feel like there's noone there for me at all, well really there isn't. There's noone I can talk to that would understand. There's nothing I can do. I wanted to call the suicide hotline because I was thinking about taking the whole bottle and than slitting my wrist. I did cut a little actually and to 3 of them; mostly because I thought I'd be less depressed maybe like the other time I took it but I think it made it worse. The last time I called that number I waited 30 minutes and than gave up because they had rejected me just like the rest of the world. And I came here because I don't want to bother my extended family or any of the people that I'm very light 'acquaintances' with. If I did it would bother them and maybe bring down their mood. Plus what are they going to do to help me? It's not so much wishing for my death as wishing that I never existed. Now I'm feeling ****** for bothering whoever actually read this, I'm sorry.

Hi cokopoof
Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you are so alone. You will find plenty of friends to talk to here and you will receive lots of support. If you are after distractions, you can visit the chat rooms and talk to others of make friends in the Games forum. Don't give up, things can get better.

I'm so glad you found us. Welcome. Is there a teacher or counselor or school nurse you can talk to? I see that you have tried to get help but have not been able to yet. I hate to say it but I think you need to just keep trying and trying until you get their attention. I know it's intimidating and hard but I'm afraid that you'll be overlooked otherwise. Do you have any family other than your mom and sister? Look at the top of this forum for a thread called Depression Resources. There are a lot of helpline number that you can call.
In the meantime you have us. There are so many different forums to post on and so many social clubs to belong to. You need not feel so alone.
I hope you feel better soon.