not sure how to feel about ex coming for the weekend

Out of nowhere my ex text me last night and asked if my wife and I minded if she came down for a weekend. I hedged around it a bit, not quite sue to make of it. I know her and her wife have gone through some tough stuff lately, so I wasn't sure if she needed space, or something else was up. I talked to my wife about it, and continued chatting with my ex (we are friends... it's a weird small lesbian community thing, everyone seems to stay friends as long as the break-up wasn't horrible). At one point she sensed hesitation because I wasn't responding as fast or enthusiastically as I should (I guess). I told her my hesitation came from not feeling so great lately, and not wanting to disappoint her, or have to feel like I made the visit boring/sad/annoying/negative. I told her I was in a rough spot emotionally, and just having trouble getting through the days. She said she knew I was having issues with my depression, and that is why she wanted to come down. That made me pause for a second. Am I really that transparent? I asked my wife if she had said anything to my ex, and my wife denied it (she has rallied people for me in the past). I don't recall saying anything to my ex about being depressed... I don't put it on fb at all, so she would not have gotten it from there...
I'm confused I guess. I don't know how to feel about her coming all this way for a visit (1500 miles). I really appreciate the caring, but I don't want to let her down. I also don't want any lectures about how I should have done things differently, or how I just need to change the way I am, or how she knew moving home was a bad idea... I'm also worried that I may be in a treatment program by the time she comes (she bought the ticket for mid-august). I'm applying for benefits, and as soon as they come through, my T and myself and my wife have agreed that I need some serious treatment. Part of that looks like an stint inpatient at a trauma program. With my luck, that will over-lap with my ex's visit, and she will be left to spend the weekend with my wife and my mom (a bit awkward any way you look at it). I told her before she booked the ticket that something like that may happen, but she decided to come anyway.
I really don't know how to feel about this. On the one hand I'm excited because a friend is finally following through on visiting us, but the reasons make me nervous, and so does the timing... I also wonder if I would feel differently knowing this was just a friend instead of an ex. She and my wife like each other (that's what they independently tell me), and she reminded me of all the amazing things my wife has done for me... A lot of my hesitation is surrounding fear and expectations. I don't like people seeing me crumble, and I don't want to ever let anyone down. I'm afraid I'm going to let her (and everyone else) down

I can see where you would be confused. That is an awful long way to come on a whim. If you talk to her again, ask her straight out how she knew you were having problems again. Any chance your mother told her?

Be careful. You are in an emotionally fragile state right now, and perhaps your ex is as well, and that is when people get a little closer than they should considering they both have spouses. I don't mean that as a cut down, its just that people in pain sometimes reach out further than they should.

Since you two are still good friends, it seems to me that asking her why she is coming, if she is ok and how she knew you were having a problem is not out of line. At least you will have your questions answered.

Good luck in treatment. I really hope it helps.

Sam2

I dont think they think that MdngtRain. It sounds like they think a lot of you. I dont think threy're thinking in terms of how disappointing you are to them. I hear how much they care, and how much you care too. With all that caring going around it would be great if instead of sadness you could feel hope and loved. I know how much depression hurts and you think you need to see things a certain way but your feelings wont take you there so please dont feel bad about feeling bad. I hope you can feel comforted that others care deeply for you.

I hope you can feel strong again, in time, when you sort your feelings out and come to your understandings. With so much gentleness inside I just know you can find your way out of the rain in time, with help, and loving people to support you. Its ok to need a friend and someone who knows what theyre talking about to talk to you. Im praying all will be well in time and sending hugs.