[nobodyknows24]

I don't know what to do with myself right now. I keep so much bottled up inside I wonder when I'm going to burst. When something bothers me I just keep it bottled up so I don't react in a way someone doesn't agree with so they call me crazy. I wish I had someone to talk to about my feelings but everytime I try to open up I'm speechless... I don't know how to tell someone what's wrong because not even I know. It's a whole mess of insecurities and problems that just add to each other.. For example my dad isn't too involved with my life.. So I get insecure with my boyfriends because I feel like no man could love me if my own father doesn't. And all of my boyfriends have cheated on me or beaten me.. So I feel like its impossible for someone to not cheat or hit me... I don't know why I feel this way about things... I just overall don't believe anyone truly could love me. I feel like I'm just there and nobody would care for more then a few days if I wasn't here anymore.

[bharani1008]

I'm so sorry you are feeling so alone. It is a very disturbing feeling I know. I've felt that way most of my life.
Are you able to see a professional? I think you really need to talk to someone about your feelings and get help sorting out all your issues. Becoming a chronic victim happens to so many women because we come to see abuse as normal. We don't know where to draw the line with others and slowly give up all our power. I know for me I watch TV a lot and I am often surprised at the things characters consider out of line. I never learned where that line is. When I see this I realize how easily I allowed others to dominate me. If you could talk to someone they might be able to help you know where that line is.
You may need some medication as well. These can be so helpful in getting back on your feet and help you think more clearly.
Of course you can get a lot of help here. There are so many forums for different issues, social groups that make you feel included and lots of information. The Depression Resources at the top of this forum will have information that can help you.
Welcome to PC. Post as much as you need to. That's what this is all about.

[AV747]

I think you lack self-confidence. If your father doesn't love you, it doesn't mean that no one you won't like! I also have not love my father, and we are already 2 years did not communicate. It means nothing! I am sure that you will love a good man, that you believe in something worthy of the best!