[Elektra_]

im a ****ing error that occurred. no one ever loved me, not even my parents did, why i am a freak. all i had was drama and people making fun of me for wtv reason. i dont have a place in this world. i dont fit. i need to die but i have no courage to do it. awesomeness, not even that im entitled to.

[optimize990h]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

im a ****ing error that occurred. no one ever loved me, not even my parents did, why i am a freak. all i had was drama and people making fun of me for wtv reason. i dont have a place in this world. i dont fit. i need to die but i have no courage to do it. awesomeness, not even that im entitled to.

Hope you are feeling better......please post if it is helping.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

no one ever loved me, not even my parents did

A loveless childhood is a dark cloud that never stops following you around.

Have you discovered anything that helps, even a little, to live in spite of that history?

[Elektra_]

thanks optimize days are getting worse not better even when i think it cant get any worse.

Rohag i was put in this world and no one taught me anything. i learned what i saw which was 2 morons arguing and almost killing each other. in school i was made fun of first being skinny and then they would pick on me for ****ing anything. result: ****ing borderline with symptoms of depression and anxiety. i never had a real friend. i never had a ****ing bf caz im not ****ing lovable (they always **** with me). i dont have a job caz i just think im too stupid for it. i didnt even had luck with psychs.. im not entitled to a ****ing thing in this world!!!!

[Lab_Rat]

Think of one thing that makes you happy. Clouds, baby's laughter, candle scent........

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[Marla500]

yes and know that you are valued and respected here.

Yes, absolutely. You are valued, respected and cared about here. You are not alone. Please keep posting. We care

[Leed]

Dearest Elektra ~ NO ONE is ever a mistake!!! NO ONE. God made you and put you on this earth, and God does NOT make mistakes!!!

My parents never showed ME any love or attention either, but I certainly don't want to DIE. There are plenty of wonders in this life! Look around you, my friend and THINK of them -- the stars, the universe, perhaps even the age of the trees, the oceans, rivers, streams -- there's a myriad of things that are wonders!!!

Not only that but YOU are cared about! Never question that --- you are important to US. You belong to this family!!! God bless you Elektra, and take care. Hugs, Lee

[Aiuto]

I can relate.I was never loved as a child and I share a lot of similarities as you.Your not alone

[Lab_Rat]

None of us get to pick our families. If we did, 95% of us would have made a different choice. Hang in there. What is of no value to one, is invaluable to another.

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[Elektra_]

problem is im no value to anyone... i never matter. i could die and no one would ****ing notice caz i dont exist. i just need to die

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

i just need to die

I don't consciously feel a need to die, but that's one of the things I spontaneously scream occasionally. Maybe that feeling of needing to die is just under my surface. I will have to try to think about this (as much as my meds will allow, that is).

Elektra_, if you were to suddenly stop posting, someone here would ask, "Where's Elektra?" An unknown number of people out there, people who read and never post, would wonder the same. "Where's the Elektra who put words to my thoughts?"

I have felt that way myself...it is a horrible feeling. The thing is we would notice and we care. You do matter ... you are not alone

Originally Posted by Elektra_

problem is im no value to anyone... i never matter. i could die and no one would ****ing notice caz i dont exist. i just need to die

[Elektra_]

there is no life to be lived. there is no place to fit. there is no one to miss me. if there is a god he should have killed me ages ago caz clearly im not doing anything in this world. i am nothing. i never matter

Elektra, I believe what you say about your young childhood and how painful it was
growing up in an environment like that. The remedy for it lies in working on learning
to love our little child ourselves and caring for it just as a loving mother and father
would care for their little child.

It's important to know that everyone has a little child within and that nobody in life
gets through it without having had some injury to that little one within. It's our
assignment to heal that child by covering it with love, care, and affection. It might
take some psychotherapy and some medications to start you on a recovery trail,
but it's worth it to learn that we all have scars from childhood and that all of us
have to work at it to learn to let our little child have compassion and protection
from us.

Leed is right; God created us and God doesn't make mistakes. It's in the early home
life that these mistakes occur in our parents not knowing any better.

You're very deserving of deep love and affection; everyone is. Start by giving your
little child within that love.

It will be a day-to-day effort for a while. I would suggest reading some Hazeldon
Foundation's books. (They're online and you can purchase some excellent books
from their store to read about recovery.)

Truthfully, the little child within is the most creative, loving, and full of play part of
our being if we let it be; but if it doesn't know how to do that, it needs help to heal.

I wish you very good times in learning about how to do that.

See about therapy and medications to get you started on a life-changing journey, please. And continue to post, if you will, to let us know how you are.

[AV747]

This does not mean that you nobody loves. But the time will come and you meet someone who will love you, so what you are . Think of something good, find interesting. Do not despair! All will be well! We all need someone in this world!Hold on!!!

[Marla500]

Elektra, someone needs you-someone who you have not met yet, but someone who will relate to you and need you to understand where they are coming from and care about them...and you will

[Elektra_]

this is how my existence is ****ing ridiculous. i wanted to go to a ****ing music festival but not even that i can have caz i have no ****ing one to go with. i dont ever go out and not even that **** i can go.. just ****ing kill me already!!!

and he vot even ****ing remembers me. why would he im just no ****ing body and ill always be

[Elektra_]

worst bday ever. i still dont wtf im doing here. another year of waste.. i should be dead