[Needin Help]

I feel like I am a lost cause and that it is hopeless to think that I will ever be able to change or go anywhere in life. I'm dealing with depression, learning disabilities, and AD/HD, but it is my OCPD (extreme perfectionism) that seems to be doing the most damage.

I've gotten to the point where I can barely manage to keep up with two courses, and that's with me not even having a job to get in the way, and spending all of my time on schoolwork. The semester starts in 9 days, and I am nowhere near ready. I was supposed to spend the last 6 weeks tending to my disaster of a house, studying for a certification exam, and completing lots of old assignments that have to be in my portfolio for graduation, but never got done. I seriously don't know what I have doing for the last 6 weeks, except getting distracted by everything but what I need to be focusing on.

To make matters worse, I get my therapy from graduate students doing their practicum, so pretty much each semester I get a new person, but I've been told that therapy isn't meant to last this long and that this will be the last semester, and then I will have go back on the very long waiting list. I've already exhausted the other counseling options available on campus, and I can't afford the places off campus.

I feel like this is my last chance to "get better", and with only 15 sessions, with a brand new therapist no less, I'm not sure how I will make this happen.

[Little Lulu]

Here is a suggestion ...

If you have someone to talk to, call a friend vent a bit (just a little, tho) and get some support. Then, even though you don't feel like it, set a timer and work on your house for 15 minutes, study for the certification exam for 15 minutes, and work on the old assignments that go in the portfolio for 15 minutes. Do not do any more work than that today. Go have some fun afterward. Let go of the therapy issue today since you cannot fix it anyway.

I am always surprised how much I can get done in 15 min. and how much better I feel about myself afterward.

And by the way, anyone who is seeking answers is not a failure or hopeless. And although I've certainly tried it, beating myself up never got me anywhere.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
~ Lao Tzu~

[Sam2]

I'm not going to tell you that getting out of the cycle of emotional illness is easy. Its not. I can tell you that with work, and hopefully finding a therapist you can afford, you can still have a decent quality of life.

In my late teens and twenties were really bad. Suicide attempts, staying out all night driving aimlessly around, etc. Now I'm fifty and though I still have bouts of depression, low self esteem and trust issues, i'm fairly functional. (I say fairly because I have some physical pain issues that have really disrupted my life). It was only after I was 26 that I was able to get it together and go back to school. This time all 8yrs. Undergraduate, then veterinary school. It wasn't easy, but if you could have seen what a mess i was, you would never have believed I could ever do anything worthwhile.

Don't ever give up. You never know what is down the road.

Sam2

[Needin Help]

Thanks LuLu! You're right, you can get a lot done in 15 minutes. I tend to have an all-or-nothing type of mindset, so it helped to come at it with the thought that I know I will not be able to get it done, but I will at least be 15 minutes further along than I was yesterday.

I've been told, that as a person with OCPD, the fact that I am actually able to recognize that I need help is a huge step forward, and something that doesn't typically happen with OCPD'ers. Yet, it's so frustrating to hear that, because all it does is make me wonder why I've not made any real progress in the past year. Every T that I have had has said how impressed there are with how in-tune I am with my feelings and my ability to acknowledge that I need help, yet for someone so in-tune, why is it so hard to move forward?

[Needin Help]

Originally Posted by Sam2

In my late teens and twenties were really bad. Suicide attempts, staying out all night driving aimlessly around, etc... It was only after I was 26 that I was able to get it together and go back to school.

This sounds a lot like me. I made it through suicide attempts in my late teens, and started college for the first time at the age of 31, and now at the age of 37, I still have a year to go.

Thanks for helping me remember the things I have been able to overcome.

[Little Lulu]

Good job for the positive attitude. Progress, not perfection ...