[henrydavidtherobot]

Life hurts too much. I'm not trying to die, but just not exist for a while.

I've deleted my love interest from my phone. I'm deleting more numbers in the morning. I think I'm going to delete my social media accounts. I'm no longer going to poetry readings. I don't want to go out anymore. I only want to talk with a few people, and mostly through text.

I've reached my threshold with hurt and trying to reach out. I've given up on people.

Typically, I'd drink alone when I feel this way. Now, I'm just going to take a klonopin and go to bed and go to work tomorrow and hope that no one talks to me too much.

Everyone leaves. Everything hurts. Nothing I can do changes anything. I don't belong here.

I'm numb. I'm empty. I don't want it to go away. I want to know how to live with it.

hi henrydavid,

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

Life hurts too much. I'm not trying to die, but just not exist for a while.

I really get this.
I have felt this myself, many times. Maybe we haven't felt the same things, for all the same reasons, but I feel there must be enough overlap somewhere to have a common ground.

That being said- with all you have expressed, I think it is understandable to want to create some pretty heavy boundaries when one is hurting.
To make a wall, create space.

I always want to create some protection and ensure that those sore spots, the wounds that have been created, won't be poked at or even accidentally brushed by those who might have the best of intentions.

So it makes perfect sense to step back.

I would say, though, perhaps be careful that you are not entirely stepping OUT?

Don't burn your bridges, don't make moves where you are cutting contact forever...

I know what it is like to be in a position where you feel, as you suggest, that you have reached a sort of breaking point with reaching out, that you've given up on people.

And that is how you feel now, and I'm not making any suggestion that it's wrong to feel that way.

I am suggesting that you may possibly change your mind at some point in the future.

You may, in fact, be surprised by someone unexpected. You may heal and one day realize you are a bit healthier, or happier, a bit lighter on your feet after taking a breather. A random stranger may change your point of view.
If this does happen, you want to be able to reassess and return to a person or two that you previously had thought wasn't worth it should you change your mind.

I'm no longer going to poetry readings. I don't want to go out anymore. I only want to talk with a few people, and mostly through text.

I would also suggest maybe...
If you don't want to go out and be personally involved, I can see not wanting to expose yourself personally.
But the thing about social exposure is that it helps us from sinking into ourselves and getting lost.
If you can find your way to a park, to a town square, something of that nature- maybe just sit and think, people watch?
It may seem useless now, but you will be able to observe how other people interact. You will also have specific time to yourself not confined inside.
Maybe just give it some thought?

I'm sorry you feel hurt and raw.
I've felt much the same though there is no way to compare our two experiences.

Please don't give up on the whole of humanity. Maybe just take a breather from them- people can be a bit much to deal with sometimes.

It's ok to have boundaries in this sense- to not expose yourself beyond what you are comfortable.

I hope you find some respite

Be good to yourself.
Josie

[henrydavidtherobot]

I'm trying to leave this place soon after I get my degree in December. I'm not giving up on humanity, just everyone here. My life here offers me next to no enjoyment anyone.

[waggiedog]

Hi again henrydavidthebot, yeah it's moi again ~ looser of the year/century whatever, who cares anyway. I feel all you feel but yeah, maybe for different reasons. I feel everything except I don't have any real physical pain yet. However the pain of depression feels ~ lotta folk don't know that ~ it feels painful like a kinda grief. Guess it's a grief for life you can't live, for me 'cos I'm totally mad, mental, insane and no hope in sight. Was born with this sick disorder and will die with it ~ or because of it ~ or it will force me to make myself die. I'm all dead inside anyway, I just appear from the outside to be alive ~ fat ugly old & alive. At least you know hunny, that you have a good intelligent brain, to get your degree, I have no brain, no bits of paper to show how intelligent I am, far far from it. Wish I could just take a pill and sleep ~ apparently I'm a useless addict who can't be trusted with pills ~ still, they can't take the alchohol away, for it's not illegal is it? You are NOT alone sadly, you are NOT. HUGS.

[(JD)]

I've found that the stress of earning a degree can indeed trigger all sorts of issues--including feelings of worthlessness (of all things!) that of not feeling worthy and of being a fraud because others "don't really know" you etc... but on the end, whatever feelings triggered, it often results in depression.

You do sound depressed, and I would hope that you would keep your ties here at PC. There's no reason not to, as I have done as well, kept my account.

You know, I trust, that making decisions while depressed isn't a good thing. When we're numb or empty, well, we wouldn't want anyone we know to make a decision at that time---so please wait until you feel better to decide, ok? I'm sure there are some members here that rely upon your words, even though you may not know them.

If you're looking for enjoyment here... what have you joined? Chat? The game arcade? A social group of your hobbies? (I welcome all competitors to the game arcade hehehe.)

Even if you need to take a break, do so, but come back okay? There are people here who care about you.

[the sad queen]

thats how i feel this days, i feel that no one wants me, and i dont want to do anything, i dont want to complete high school or study, i dont want to do my hobbies anymore, i don't even want to eat
but i am doing my best and struggling, and about my friends i dont know why they dont want to speak with me, but i ask about them everyday and see if they are fine.
do your best to enjoy life i know its really hard but try as you can and be strong.

[henrydavidtherobot]

I'm not giving up on here. Just my life that isn't school or work.

[henrydavidtherobot]

Today at work, I felt useless. I felt like I couldn't pay attention when people were talking and sounded like a dummy every time I spoke. My friend tells me that I need to get out of this depression but I kind of want to stay in it. It's numb depression. It feels good to care less.

[BumbleHero]

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

Life hurts too much. I'm not trying to die, but just not exist for a while.

I've deleted my love interest from my phone. I'm deleting more numbers in the morning. I think I'm going to delete my social media accounts. I'm no longer going to poetry readings. I don't want to go out anymore. I only want to talk with a few people, and mostly through text.

I've reached my threshold with hurt and trying to reach out. I've given up on people.

Typically, I'd drink alone when I feel this way. Now, I'm just going to take a klonopin and go to bed and go to work tomorrow and hope that no one talks to me too much.

Everyone leaves. Everything hurts. Nothing I can do changes anything. I don't belong here.

I'm numb. I'm empty. I don't want it to go away. I want to know how to live with it.

Stop it. Read something inspirational. Like Epiphany by Elise Ballard.

Go out, buy it, read it.

Don't delete your contacts, stop punishing yourself. You're strong, because you've made it this far. You're strong at the core, don't doubt it. You're the one who pulled yourself through this far, believe in it, believe in you.

Don't think. Don't take time to decide. Go in your PJ's, put on those sneakers, get your wallet, buy it, and read it. Your time is now or never. You know you can do it.

[henrydavidtherobot]

I appreciate the response, Bumble, but I know that reading something inspirational won't change my life or how people treat me. I'm not going to give up on feeling better, but I'm giving up on my life here because there is nothing I can do to make pain quit hurting, so I'm avoiding it.