[liveforthemoment05]

Hello my name is Jeff, I'm a 6'0 tall 30 year old american male, I weigh right now around 400 pounds and I live with my 32 year old brother Tony who weighs 320 pounds and is 5'11 tall, I been unemployed by choice for several years because my brother owns his own eBay seller business that I help with from time to time and works from home. This might a little bit too much information but both he and I are both virgins (he's been on about 5 dates with different women when he weighed 180 in 2008 but never had success) and we also have been hermits most of our lives because we were taken out of school in elementary school and was only home schooled for about a year after that.

So from the ages of 8 and 10 we stayed at home (we lived in a town of about a 1000 people), back then we we're not completely non-social, we had make a few friends occasionally we were close some with one of our older brothers and one of our nephews. Our parents, our mom and dad were both obese so we were obese as well, back in 1998 our mother started having health problems and we had to become her nurses, at this time we were both 16 and 18 and at this point Tony (18) should have moved out but that's where the next problem started...

You see Tony decided he wanted to be a filmmaker, so since about 1994 we made as many short films as possible, some movies were made for fun and some were to made to try and sell to hollywood producers and that we had no connections to. Remember this was back in the 90s when there was no YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, sure there was an internet but it wasn't as big as it is today, we did have a website where you could watchour movies and we did show our movies on a public access station for a couple of years but nothing really came of it until about 2001 when we were featured in article in Rolling Stone Magazine, and we were interviewed on the now defunct TechTV. Things were looking up but the problem was we had no clue what we were doing, we were living in small town and needed to move Los Angeles.

In 1999 I starting suffering from severe depression because of our upbringing and living situation and went on 10mg Paxil for 8 years from (1999-2007).

But we couldn't because move when we said we wanted to move our mom said she would **** herself so we were screwed, all of our siblings wouldn't take her because they knew how crazy she was and to make matters worse our dad moved away for a job in 1999. In 2002 we finally moved but it wasn't Los Angles and it wasn't alone. We moved to a town with about 100,000 people about 50 miles away a big city (not LA). While there we tried to further our film career and as well tried to get full time jobs, I ended getting a job for a company that is now out of business, it was a call center that deals with cell phones tech problems, problem was that they made me take a class on how to do the job. I was there 2 weeks and it was the worst expierience of my life. People would constantly bully me because I didn't talk very much, I know that to some people not speaking comes off arrogrant and that you're better then everyone else but I couldn't help it I didn't know these people and in the end my suspicions about these people were correct because looking back my co-workers were the scum of society, for example, it was casual day, which is day where you can wear whatever you want, one co-worker, a male around 20 years old decided to wear a baseball cap that said "p*rnstar 69" on it, if that doesn't say scum then I don't know what does. I ended up getting the flu and couldn't go to the class so they transferred me to a telemarketing class, the class lasted about 3 days and then we started to take calls. The first call I said a man's last name wrong so he yelled at me for it and hung up, then I got yelled at by my supervisor for looking at the help wanted section in the newspaper while I was waiting for my next call, then some woman yelled at me on the phone because she couldn't hear me, I didn't know my mic was muted, so the same day I called my mom to (I was 21 at this point) to call my job and tell them there was a family emergency, it worked and I never worked a day in my life since then. My brother worked for the same job for about 3 months but he didn't quit he ended up getting laid off with a bunch of other workers.

The house we were renting with our mom was too expensive so we convinced our mother (who was in her 60s at this point and still obese) to move back to our old house (which we still owned) by telling her we got a deal with a film company and that we needed to stay, the problem was it was a lie we didn't have a deal, we did it because she was crazy and every time we said wanted to move she would go nuts and scream and say she would **** herself, one time I even filmed her going crazy and at the end of conversation I said that I was joking that I wanted to move out and that she was being pranked which was not true because wasI filming for the future so I could remember how crazy she was. So me and Tony got our own place, we moved into an apartment for 4 months, she ended up finding out that us having a deal was a lie so we moved in back with in her. Before we moved both me and my brother had lost a lot of weight Tony was about 190 (from 260) and I was 270 (from 350) but when we moved back to our old house we gained most of it back. By 2006 our film career had gone nowhere so we thought we need to make a change so we moved a town about 5 miles from a big metropolitan city with our mom again. At this point I was 24 and he was 26 and had lived with our mother our entire lives. 2006 was one of the best years in my life, I went 324 pounds to 232 pounds and my brother got down to 170. In May 2007 our mom had a stroke, she ended up dying 2 months later, she was 67 years old and obese and had diabetes. I was sad that mom died but at the same time I saw it as a good thing, when we lived with our mom I helped her out the most and my brother did very little to help her (he mostly took the dog out). After she died I stopped taking Paxil because the prescription had run out but I thought I didn't need it anymore because the person who was destroying my life was gone. So we decided to move to the big city, we were young, in the best shape we'd ever been in and thought the world was ours for the taking, but this is where the story gets really bad and complicated...

So my brother and I decided to give up filmmaking and start making music videos for local bands, we had in-persion interviews with several bands, most of them were nice but my brother did most of the talking. But there was one bad experience that changed my life, he set up a meeting with the female lead singer of a rock band, we held the meeting at a bar, I forgot to mention that I had never drank alcohol in my life and it was 3rd or 4th time I had ever been to a bar, luckily the bar was empty, so we went into the bar and sat down, let me paint the picture for you, we were sitting on a couch, me on the left, my brother in the middle and her next to him, we were there to discuss business, she on the other hand decided to get drunk and talk everything but that, she wouldn't stop talking, my brother barely spoke a word, she talked about the time she dropped acid on the 4th of July and how she used to be homeless so on and so forth. Now let me remind you we were there discuss business she was going to pay us to make a music video for her band, but instead she rambled on and on about herself, obviously this caused by the alcohol, and I also understand that some musicians loved partying and expierimenting with drugs (3 of my older brothers were in rock bands and 2 of them batteld substance abuse) but telling this to total stangers shocked me. After the meeting was over me and my brother walked her back to her car and out of the blue she said to me "why are you so quiet" in a condescending manner, I was about to answer her but my brother stopped me from answering and he gave her a dumb excuse why I was so quiet. This was just one of many horrible experiences I had living in the big city, after a few months living there I startedhaving heart palpitations (I weighed 250) so I went to the doctor and after several tests she said it was anxiety so she prescribed me 10mg Paxil again.

We ended up making a few music videos for free and ended up quitting making music videos and decided to move out in late 2009. At this point it's hard to remember what happended, for a few years I shut down between 2009 and 2012, but I'll try recount what I can remember.

In October 2009 we moved to a much nicer and quieter area about 20 miles outside the big city. back in 2003 my brother started his own eBay Businesses where he buys and sells items and I would help him about 30% of the time and this was our main income. In November 2009 he got a part-time job at Target, he hated the job and was a mess and you couldn't be around him at all because when you would speak to him he would snap, he had to eat McDonalds every day before work because it was the only thing he could hold down. So I had to start to doing eBay 50/50 with him, he ended up quitting the job a month later. a few months later our eBay account got suspended which almost put us out on the street, but we were able to borrow money from our dad so things worked out in the end. This is the apartment we both gained most of the weight. The grocery store we went to had tons of discount items like donuts, pizzas, chocalate milk, ground beef and more. He got up to 280 and I got up to 330. We ended up moving to a different apartment across town but to save money we got a 1 bedroom which was the worst decision of our lives.

It was October 2010, I weighed about 350 and he weighed about 300. This is where everything went black, I barely remember anything the last 3 years at this apartment because all I did was eat and sleep. Now my brother is fed up with eBay because of the shipping and dumb buyer emails and he has snapped 100s of times in the past 3 years and 2 times this week.

So now it's 2013 and I weigh 400 pounds and my brother weighs 320 pounds. We've tried tons of diets, we originally lost the weight on the Low Carb Diet. But then earlier today I went to the grocery store and my brother told me to get 16 red barons pizza (8 for me, 8 for him). The store I go to has a self-services scanner and while I was ringing things up an old man who looked like Don Knotts looked into my basket with the pizzas and then looked at me, looked at the basket again and looked at me again then I gave him a dirty look. This is not the first time this has happened, a few weeks somebody did the same thing but he didn't keep looking at the basket twice. When I got home I told my brother who was about to go to sleep (which was 11am) and he snapped again and upset me more then then guy who looked at my basket.

So here is my daily schedule: Wake up (my sleep schedule changes all the time), eat about 30 minutes after I wake up, then lay in bed and surf the web. I'm so fat now I can barely sit in a chair so I just lay in bed and use my computer which is right next to my bed. I eat pizzas about for about a week straight per month and then try to go on diets (bbq boneless chicken, rice & chicken, homemade burritos with ground turkey).

I've tried exercising but I can't stay motivated, live in a small apartment, can't go for walks because I live in bad neighborhood, and I'm too afraid to go to the gym because people will stare at me plus I have horrirble social anxiety and depression and might have bi-polar disorder/manic depression.

So you can see why I am who I am, l've had very little life experience I've never been on a date, had sex or kissed a girl but I did drink alcohol (mike's hard lemonade) for first time a month ago but it didn't really make me feel much better. I also have no job experience and don't have a High School Diploma/GED and I'm horrible at studying, I tried getting my GED in 2000 but failed 3 times. You can't put eBay Seller on a resume and I don't i could even handle being interviewed, I'd probably puke from the anxiety.

I've gave up antidepressants 2 years ago and don't feel much different, I want to go therapist so he can prescribe me a more accurate medication but the ones in my area don't prescribe medication.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I know most of this comes off as whining but I'm at the end of my rope, my brother is suicidal and I can't speak to him anymore, I've tried everything under the sun so I need something unconventional that I can do without having go to some type of Doctor (I've tried it hasn't worked). I know what my problems are I just don't know how to fix them, please help. The ultimate goal is to get our own places, find a our own girlfriends, lose weight and find real jobs

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Liveforthemoment05!

That's not whining; that's documentation. In fact, that's great documentation, exactly the kind of history I would want if I were a therapist or treatment coordinator. Please save what you've written.

Wow. You've described a psycho-social Gordian Knot. The circumstances of your life at home did not prepare you to integrate well in the outside world. As far as "fixing" things goes, I suspect you'll need practical assistance that goes beyond medication, and obesity may be more of a symptom than a core problem.

Please keep posting.

[Cheshire Grin]

liveforthemoment05, I'm sorry that life has been so difficult for you...and your brother, too.

Whatever you do, I do not recommend drinking alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant and a toxin: the feeling that people get when drunk is actually a symptom of poisoning! Also, you may think you feel less while you are drinking, but when the alcohol wears off, I can almost guarantee you will feel worse than ever.

I have struggled with my weight all my life, too. May I suggest that, even if it's just once a day, that you try adding a fresh fruit or vegetable to your diet? I know produce is expensive, but I really do feel better when I consume more fresh fruit and vegetables. My body physically craves it and mentally I know I am doing something good for myself.

Thank you for having the courage to tell your story and please add more posts.

It sounds as though you have been through hell and I am really sorry about that. Thank you for your post, it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there like that.

In your post you said:
"I want to go therapist so he can prescribe me a more accurate medication but the ones in my area don't prescribe medication."

While medication can be really helpful, it is not a cure all. It will help balance your mood but it will not help you work through the issues that are contributing to your depression. Please go to a therapist anyway and start working through everything that has happened, find one that you connect with and see where that leads. Do it as a first step in getting your life back together, you can get meds later start working on your issues now. You will thank yourself later that you did.

Good luck to you, keep posting, all of us on PC are really accepting and want to help as much as we can.

Horsegirl

[Clara22]

Hi liveforthemoment05
Thanks a lot for joining this group. You have been through a lot! Hope this group can help you out some way. I wonder what kind of things you like or you feel you are talented for. I read you guys did film making because your brother wanted. Was that something you wanted to do? Please, do not feel you have to give me a response, if you do not want. I wish you the best