[Delljoy]

Maybe I've gone paranoid due to worry??? But I think my depressed partner may have gone back to America to try and make himself 'feel better'. He did the same last year. When we had got back from America last year he had become seriously depressed, and went back to America after a couple of weeks on the pretence that he needed to sort out his motorbike. We had gone round America on a motorbike and at the end of our trip he had left it there to sell on consignment. He kept saying the guy at the garage he had left it at was an idiot and he needed to sort it out. Anyway he went over there, and basically spent a week and a half laying in bed in a motel room. He was emailing me telling me he had the flu, he didn't know what was wrong with him. Anyway he came home after a week and a half, tail between his legs, having got no more money for his bike, stating he was too ill to do anything. I actually at that stage thought he did have the flu, but a few days following his return (he was so happy to see me) he bounced back and his flu/ depression was over.
We have been back from America 2 weeks from this years trip. He has been very depressed since his return, saying he is pathetic and what am I doing with him and I should walk away. And on Saturday just gone, he told me to go away and leave him alone, and I haven't heard from him since. His australian mobile phone is turned off. The fact that I haven't heard from him, makes me think that he may have been in transit from Australia to America. That he may have gone back there again to make himself feel better. He has got the motorbike we used this year at a garage in Vegas on consignment waiting for it to sell. The difference this year is that the bike is half mine, so the proceeds of the sale are half mine. When he was still talking to me, just before his depression worsened, he had said to me, he would get my money for me, so that I could 'walk away'.
What do you guys think?

[gayleggg]

Is he from America? Is that why he thinks it will make him feel better to be in America? I don't guess you have been able to check his apartment to see if his clothes and suitcases are gone. It looks like you are going to just have to tough it out until he shows back up. Sounds like it would be a good idea for him to see a doctor regarding his depression. Might help more than going back across the ocean. I hope he shows up soon so you don't have to keep worrying.
Gayle

[Sam2]

I can think of a couple of reasons for his behavior. If he feels more at home in America, then coming back home may cause him to feel lost and depressed. When you are with him in America, does he seem normal?

The second is that he might be unsure of the relationship. That doesn't necessarily mean that he is seeing someone else. Saying that you will be free to walk away is hard to interpret. Depressed people sometimes feel that they are a burden to their partners or that they are worthless and don't deserve to have anyone. For those that are not sure of a relationship, they may not be able to say that they want out of it. They need the other person to be the "bad guy".

Either way, it sounds like you both need to have a serious talk with each other. If he is clinically depressed, then he needs help. To be honest, he seems confused. If America was were he wanted to be, he wouldn't just spend the time laying in a motel room for a week. This seems to be wearing on you, it would on anyone, and until you get to the bottom of what is going on, you won't feel good.

Sam2

[Delljoy]

Originally Posted by Sam2

I can think of a couple of reasons for his behavior. If he feels more at home in America, then coming back home may cause him to feel lost and depressed. When you are with him in America, does he seem normal?

The second is that he might be unsure of the relationship. That doesn't necessarily mean that he is seeing someone else. Saying that you will be free to walk away is hard to interpret. Depressed people sometimes feel that they are a burden to their partners or that they are worthless and don't deserve to have anyone. For those that are not sure of a relationship, they may not be able to say that they want out of it. They need the other person to be the "bad guy".

Either way, it sounds like you both need to have a serious talk with each other. If he is clinically depressed, then he needs help. To be honest, he seems confused. If America was were he wanted to be, he wouldn't just spend the time laying in a motel room for a week. This seems to be wearing on you, it would on anyone, and until you get to the bottom of what is going on, you won't feel good.

Sam2

Thanks Sam,
No he's not from America, he is australian same as me. When in America, riding around on a motorbike, not a care in the world, he seems to be able to forget about his problems. I am not one of his problems. He was in America 3 weeks before I arrived as I still had business to finish over here before I could leave. And he was hanging out for me to get there, we were emailing several times a day and talking on the phone. I guess he can escape from reality over there.
His reality, according to him, is no job, no prospects, and money gradually running out. He feels unworthy of me, in his words 'pathetic' and why would I want him.
I've proved how much I love him time and time again and most of the time he is accepting of this, but when his depression takes over he doesn't feel he deserves the type of happiness I offer.
Not once has he said he doesn't want to see me again. Not once has he said he wants to end the relationship. Not once has he denied that he loves me. I think he thinks he is doing the right thing for ME by telling me to walk away, maybe he thinks I deserve better, but can't do the 'dumping' himself because he deep down doesn't want the relationship to end, he wants me to stay.
In America, he was the perfect attentive boyfriend, loving and caring, holding hands, cuddling, looking after me....