the fog's getting thick

dunno what to do with it. thoughts are growing really dark and desperate. see t tomorrow, but don't think I can tell her... i'm sure she will know something's up because I asked for extra time, but I don;t think I want to tell her the extent of it all - she would have me do something about it, and her idea of the "something" is much different than mine... (wishing I could just disappear for good).

I'm sorry you are feeling so low. Try to remember that the fog will lift - it always does. This is not a permanent feeling, even though it can feel like it is.
The fact that you asked T for some more time suggests you may actually want to tell her your thoughts, but may be scared - understandably so. But this is why T is there, to help guide you out of the fog. You can do this. It will not always feel this bad.

I know exactly how you feel. I can't tell anyone what I am thinking.

saw her. told her some of it, but not all of it. plan's to keep busy and have goals.
sold a large chunk of my reptiles off today. i told them it was because they were overwhelming... just trying to make it easier. want to cry. i hate all of this. feeling guilty for bringing the puppy home, even though it was with every intention of finding his family or re-homing him... just one more thing to deal with. should have taken more of the herps with me for sale today. everything sucks. just want to disappear... see T again tuesday. must function till them... too much crap to do. don;t want to do any of it...