[bronzeowl]

I'm constantly in pain. I don't know if it's from depression or something else anymore. I know it can manifest physically, but does it really hurt this much?

I'm under so much stress right now. I keep feeling like I'm going to be crushed under the pressure. I tried to sleep. I spent an hour tossing and turning and hearing things that were't even really there. I didn't even know it had been an hour. It felt like five minutes. But when I checked the time, it had definitely been an hour.

I can't stop thinking. I can never stop thinking. Sometimes I want my thoughts to just cease to be. I think that, maybe, then I'd be blissfully at peace.

I tried to find a clinic nearby that would see me for free or on a sliding scale. Closest is 45 minutes away. I feel hopeless. Completely destroyed, helpless, and hopeless.

I just want the depression to stop. I want the loneliness to stop. I want the thoughts to stop. What they say is true. Sometimes the loudest screams really are the quietest ones.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by bronzeowl

Sometimes the loudest screams really are the quietest ones.

Worth highlighting...
Sitting with you...

[gismo]

Bronzeowl, i feel so bad for you, i have never been that depressed that it hurt's, so really i have not got nothing to say to make you feel better but , i sure know what loneliness feels like kiddo, hugs to you and i hope you can through this without any more pain and suffering

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by bronzeowl

I can't stop thinking. I can never stop thinking. Sometimes I want my thoughts to just cease to be. I think that, maybe, then I'd be blissfully at peace.

You need meditation, now. Focused awareness on breath. You can escape your thoughts and feelings for a time and be at peace. I don't know if you have PTSD, and I think such intrusive thoughts would make focusing very hard, but probably still worth it. For depression, however, I find it really helps quite a lot on the short term.

I hope you get the counselling help you are looking for, as well!

[bronzeowl]

Thank you all for posting.

I managed to get some sleep, finally. But it wasn't much and I don't feel rested.

Even through the pain, I often think the loneliness is the worst. I could be in my class, surrounded by thirty other people, and feel completely alone. I feel exhausted. Mentally, physically, and emotionally drained.

I've never tried meditation. It's probably one of the few suggestions I've never tried. I've tried eating healthy, exercising, journal writing. Sometimes I feel like I've tried it all. But clearly I haven't, because I haven't tried meditation. I think I'll give it a try. See if it helps. I don't have PTSD that I'm aware of. But the intrusive thoughts are occurring with more frequency lately than they used to. They make it hard to concentrate on anything.

Thank you again. I really, really hope I do, too.