as many of you may know, i have been pretty down recently, so firstly i want to apologise for not being supportive lately, i still care so much about each and everyone of you and i am reading the posts to keep a check on you all. but im not at the right place in my head to be able to offer support. so sorry im not here for you as much as i use to be. its not forever.

i think i have a solution which could help me alot. not completely but it will help significantly...

i have been having ALOT of trouble at work lately. i injured my shoulder back in june this year and have had 6 weeks off (not all at once, had 2 weeks, then 1 week, then monday i returned to work after being off 3 weeks) and my manager has been real horrible to me. she is refusing to pay me for the last few weeks, and thats alot of money i will be loosing. its more than half of my pay cheque!! and she said yesterday "we need someone more reliable and trustworthy" so obviously she doesnt value me working there.

today, for reasons unknown, someone spread a rumour around saying that i was calling someone certain things (for names sake i will name this person "d") and d confronted me this afternoon saying she had heard that i have been saying things about her, which i hadnt. i think you'll agree its very childish and very school-like. and yesterday i said hello to someone and she turned around and said "oh, you ignored me earlier so i will ignore you now" i hadnt ignored her, i just didnt know she had spoken to me. people in that place dont like me for some reason, i dont know what im doing wrong and i am at the stage of dreading work and not having any enthusiasm, which is effecting me mentally. i am sure its the reason i have been so low recently. its all just negative and i cant stand it!! i truly believe that this negativity is clouding my vision of my music. i have so much negativity around me that i struggle to stay positive about anything and i think this is partly whats causing me to doubt my musical talent. many of you will know what i have been going through in the last few weeks and you will know that i love music so muc, but am having serious conflicts about whether i have what it takes. i need to make a change to help improve my mental health and get back on track, i need to do whats best for me. for me and my music, it is the one thing in life i love and i am protective over it, i dont want it ruined and i dont want to lose my passion for music permanently. i wont allow it. some of you may not understand what i mean, i hope you do, then you will know how important it is.

i was having a long think today in work, i kept myself to myself all day and for 7 hours decided not to talk to many people, i just needed time to think about what i truly wanted and what was best for me. and my conclusion is that that place is not good for me, and i have to leave.

i am prepared to leave soon, i want out!! badly! i want out so much that i dont care whether i have a job to go to or not, so im considering leaving in the next few weeks and spending my days looking for a new job. but i need your advice, i want to know if you think its a good idea, and whether you would do it if you were in my situation? any feedback would be welcomed. i want your honest opinion, if you think its bad, tell me. i welcome any suggestion, whether it goes against my own thoughts. i just want to know if its a good idea or not so as i dont make a mistake.

thank you

simon

[Liv28]

Simon,

I think it is a GREAT idea!! Many may not agree..but I think the majority will! If you are miserable in your job..then run!!! I ALWAYS have..and well..I look at it this way..I have had many jobs..so what?..I have had many experiences..and in the mean time..I have not had to want for anything..finacially..that is..now..I am not telling you to go to that extreme..bouncing from one job to the other..like I did for so many years..but I am suggesting that if this job is causing you such distress and misery to leave! You desearve much better..anyone does..every one desearves to work in an environment where they are appreciated and where they truely feel happy to get up and go to every day..unfortunately this is not always so..more often than not..but it is up to the individual to make that stop..to make that change and to make it better for themselves..I think you are just the person to do that! If you don't feel welcomed and appreciated where you are..find a job where you are!! You desearve no less!! Have confidence in yourself Simon..and others will see you for who you truly are!! The wonderful person we all see you as here!! Good luck and happy job hunting should you choose that route!! (((HUGS)))

I just had lunch with friend from the outpatient program I was in & she had the exact same situation where she was underappreciated & passed over for things. She ended up quitting to protect her mental health & self-esteem. She does have some fall-back money so she can afford to search for another job that will be better. That would be my only concern is the financial hardship that quitting may produce, but it may be worth it in the long run even if it is financially hard cuz you could end up being even more depressed & end up in the hospital or something. Take care, Simon. We do care.--Suzy

thank you liv and suzy, you think along the same lines as me.

i have money to fall back on, so im not concerned about financial difficulties. to be honest, i dont believe there are any obstacles in my way, i think that it is my life and i am in control, or if im not, i have to gain control. i had a session tonight with my therapist and i said to her about how im feeling, and we discussed it and she believes it is the right thing to do too. we discussed other routes after i have left my job, but she was concerned that i leave. she said that she feels "physical pain to see my time go to waste there" and i agree, i do think its a waste, because im worth more than that, and im not being cocky or arrogant, but i do think i am. and ive just realised it today! ive had such an epic day today, such a change in thougths and i now am able to see things clearly. something i have struggled to do for so long now. i am sure things are on the up...

simon

[Liv28]

((((SIMON))))) YES!!! So glad to hear you had a great day!! and I wish you the best in your journey to a new and happier place!! I believe you will be the better man for this!! Good for you..you sound like you are fighting back!! I am glad to hear you say you are worth it Simon!! Watch out world!!!

Great that you are feeling clear-headed & confident with your decisions, Simon. We will be hearing great things from you in the future, I'm sure.--Suzy

[Bethsway]

I did it simon...I changed jobs when I was in a bad place...and it was the best thing I ever did....good luck to you...you are such a caring person you deserve to be in a better place...one that recognizes your work!! Wish you could find a job before you left though...but either way...you need to do what is right for you!!!

[Flinty]

(((((((((((((((((((((((SIMON))))))))))))))))))))))))

I have written you a PM in regards to this post!!

You don't have to put up with being unhappy at work!!

Flinty

[arod13]

((((( simon ))))) definately leave if you are not happy it is not healthy to work somewhere you are not happy

just make sure for you it is the right move meaning financially you can back yourself up if you have trouble finding a job right away

im thinking of doing temp work in a shop maybe until christmas and try to get a job either before christmas so i start in the new year or look after christmas. because of the time of year, i think the best thing for me to do is to work part time for the rest of the year, i have no overheads to pay for, i dont even drive and i live at home with my dad. so rent is low, and everything is paid for. so that is what i might do. i have booked next thursday and friday off work - thursday to go to a theme park called thorpe park with a few people from work (that i actually like) and then friday i am going to advice centres about what to do.

normally, i have an idea and the next morning, when i wake up, i feel against it, but today i woke up and still feel strongly about it, and i still want to do it even more than i did yesterday.

roll on my future, it can only get better from here on in...

[FaithisAlive]

Simon.. You have a good head on your shoulders... a kind heart, and a bright future.. and you are wise... so follow your instincts..

You have friends here who care and will support you in whatever you decide.

Go for it! Faith

[arod13]

simon you go do whats right for you!