I want to feel again

You know the days when you feel like you're on track, everyday I wish I could be that way again. I still feel other certain emotions, just not motivational... I can't find the words. I've got so much to do, I made a list, I don't do it, I read it, get anxiety, frustrated, or hopeless I can't do them. I can't get past the hours of research and 20 pages to fill out. (visit office, switch over documents to new state, get new driver's license, get transcripts etc.) I won't budge. We got a new place, hours away... far from family, the only ones I talked to now I got no one except my husband, but he doesn't talk to friends who deal with certain substances, since he quit, he doesn't socialize with them. We're both screwed; he doesn't work, I don't work. I'm pregnant.

We just got a puppy, he's supposed to stay inside due to round of immunity shots not done yet, a few more weeks til we can go out. He makes me happy, he gives me some purpose but doesn't completely fulfill me. Doesn't it mean I'll never be happy no matter how much I have? I 've heard that saying before. People keep saying be positive and "surround yourself with positive people" so I think, I should not talk because I have something negative to say. So my fate is that people would avoid me because I am depressed, and that makes me more depressed.

I always read what others say cannot help a depressed person. Yet here I am , begging for an answer. The thing is that I know what to do (I think), I know about therapists, I need a referral from OB, that I need to talk to my husband I do... but I won't budge. I've felt this way before but I got out of it, this time is longer, especially since I don't socialize. I am holding on and I think I can do it, it's just that.. I feel I'm on a freeze. I'll take anything any advice even if I said it, I don't mean to sound rude I just need to talk with people, maybe I am not thinking clearly?

Thank you for reading

Hi Jan,

So sorry to hear you are struggling so much right now. I can most definitely relate to the lack of motivation and feeling like you are "on freeze". I used to go through long periods where I would barely be able to get myself out of bed. Had no interest in doing anything. Had no motivation. For me, I have found that making commitments, even if I don't want to, helps keep me motivated to keep getting out of bed and keeping my appts, being social, etc. For example.. I love to help people, so I joined this forum and also participate in groups on FB and have "recovery buddies" that I talk with on a regular basis. I feel this helps because if I feel like I can't get up, then I remember I need to be there for others, as well as for myself.

When it comes to things like filling out paperwork or having to do things, remind yourself that it is OK to take baby steps. Maybe just try filling out one page a day? Just commit to ONE page. It's much easier than committing to twenty!

I think it's great that you have your puppy, animals are great for therapy and depression and loneliness. But from what you are saying, it seems like you are in need of some other resources to help you. Whether it's making new friends, seeing a therapist or counselor, etc. Again, baby steps. Commit to going in for an eval just for now, commit to making ONE recovery buddy, etc, until you feel you can handle more.

I hope that that was somewhat helpful, and if you would like to talk more please do not hesitate to contact me. I wish you the best of luck in finding some things to help motivate you. Just remember, the depression is what's telling you that you can't. Don't listen to it. You are YOU, not your depression.



--Angel

i think angels right,

or only do what needs to be done- only do 1 thing a day that's really essential

iam sure out of some of the things on your list, their's a lot that can wait

You're stuck because you don't feel motivated-i know what that feels like, i suffer from several different things, depression, schitzaffctve, etc, and i am trying to take baby steps in getting a piano teaching business going even if i get only one person and then i'll take it from there. it is all i know how to do, i do have an associates in Arts and only need one more semester for a Bachelors which i had to stop going to college because of an accident i was in and never went back. After the accidents i was so depressed i stayed in bed for almost 2 years, then was put in the hospital. It helped but sometimes, like now, i feel soo depressed i can't do anything but feel sorry for myself-yes i admit it-it's a shame isn't it? On these type of days i do give myself time to recover from the depression throughout the day, by doing one thing at a time. Then after i cross what ive made on my note for the day i can see all the things i didn't realize i was doing -alot more than i thought!

I came back to say thank you for reading and responding to me. I feel grateful and can't be thankful enough I'm rambling I needed those words, I don't want to make you guys read any more than you already have , I just needed to say thanks. Wilted you are a beautiful person I was reminded that I also joined the forum to help as hard it is to believe since I break down. Gives me hope