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#1
Oct 17, 2013, 04:32 PM
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........
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 Independent Mental Health Advocate (IMHA): UK Last edited by ToeJam; Oct 17, 2013 at 05:35 PM. |
 Clara22
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#2
Oct 17, 2013, 05:18 PM
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Sorry about the rant above (if you read it) I guess that is what it was. Has actually been sort of nice to feel anger towards the issue as I don't often feel much of anything. Calmed down as I got ready for bed.
It just seems so weird to me... Like I don't even know who I am... As in the core of me... I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Perhaps I'm deluding myself and the above outburst is just another expression of depression in the form of frustration.  Sorry for the incessant posting... Till recently all these expressions have been wrapped up in my head and I'm bursting them out onto this board like a kid a sweet shop for the very first time :s Fml
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Independent Mental Health Advocate (IMHA): UK Last edited by ToeJam; Oct 17, 2013 at 05:39 PM. |
| Fuzzybear, Rohag
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#3
Oct 17, 2013, 05:53 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
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My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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 H3rmit, NWgirl2013, ToeJam
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#4
Oct 17, 2013, 06:23 PM
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Quote:
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Independent Mental Health Advocate (IMHA): UK |
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#5
Oct 17, 2013, 06:24 PM
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i didn't read the initial rant; but i agree the condition can be infuriating ...
i'm glad you are getting some of what is in your head - out  and hope it helps
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| ToeJam
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#6
Oct 18, 2013, 08:53 AM
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| ToeJam
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#7
Oct 18, 2013, 02:23 PM
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Thanks all.
Essentially yesterday (now that I'm calmish) was about the duality of depression I guess. I felt fine yesterday and I'd been looking over some of my previous threads and wondering almost as an observer over who the hell is this person that's writing this stuff. It is so frustrating that there are days when I'm calmer and more than capable of taking things in my stride... then there are days when I'm convinced I've always felt low and nothing could possibly ever get better. I re-read my thread re the letter to my T and I just can't fathom how and why I get to that stage when I'm pretty much on a knifes edge. Looking at it as of now I know that it's at times like that when I need to remove myself from any conflict or situation that could trigger a further plummet as something big could lead me down a path I'd rather not travel. Today I don't feel particularly depressed... I'm thinking quite clearly and, well yeah... I despise the person that I am when I'm in the plummet as it were. He is and has held me back from life opportunities with moments of self doubt, introspection and a complete lack of motivation when I've needed it most. Makes me angry at times but that's why I'm trying to get help. Very annoying to be 36 and getting older... and I feel like I'm 10 years behind where I should be at this point in life... and sadly the clock is ticking. As I get older the doors to opportunity close which is depressing all in itself 
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Independent Mental Health Advocate (IMHA): UK |
| Fuzzybear, gayleggg
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| Rohag
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#8
Oct 18, 2013, 02:57 PM
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Glad you are calmer. I'm sure writing out the rant did you some good. Your right about how frustrating life can be when you are depressed. And yes, it feel like life is just going without us. The clock is ticking each of us. Rant any time you need too.
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Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin "Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha  |
| ToeJam
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#9
Oct 18, 2013, 04:30 PM
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It is a infuriating condition, this "duality of depression" you so well describe.
 I hesitate to use a word associated with other diagnoses, but it's like it's own kind of mania.
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My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| ToeJam
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#10
Oct 18, 2013, 05:39 PM
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do not be sorry for posting! thank you for being here
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| ToeJam
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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