[Bella_Rose]

Hi everyone. I am new to this but I know that the only help comes from those who have been there. I am in a really bad place right now and need some suggestions. I have had depression for many years and struggled with many things through it. During my last 6 years, I have worked for Daimlerchrysler and have had several times where I could not work due to my illness. For the last year and a half I had finally experienced freedom in a way I never knew. I had joy, peace and happiness that seemed to be lasting. Then along came a "friend" at work whom I grew to trust and shared a lot of my past horrors and stuff with, and my poetry. Anyway, long story short- he bagan manipulating me both emotionally and mentally and used all of the things he knew about me to do it (I didn't see it until the damage was done). Then the sexual harassment came and I stood up for myself for the first time in my life- It was so empowering! over the next three months he continued to do his damage until finally I could no longer take it. I felt dizzy, like my mind was going to explode and every ounce of my strength left. My doctor put me on disability for depression and anxiety and i have been off of work since 5-15-06. I filed a claim with the EEOC for the sexual harassment and things have gone way beyond that now, My company is now harassing me and making each day more miserable. They threatened termination after getting notice of my claim, they continually are denying my monetary disability benefits even my UAW representatives are treating me horrible!! I even emailed the UAW president and he refuses to respond. Needless to say, the way they are treating me has made any type of recovery impossible. I seem to only be getting worse. I am now suffering from TMJ and it HURTS so bad in my ears and head- I have absolutely no quality to the life I am living- I work to breathe it seems and now my children and husband are suffering. It is also difficult because my husband does not understand the depth of my illness, he just see's me as having my "***" on the couch all of the time. I guess what I am asking- is there anyone out there who has dealt with a company treating them like this and if yes- what do I do?? How in the world to I ease the physical pain of this illness? How can I help my husband to have some kind of empathy for me?? It all just hurts!! I have been on many different kinds of meds over the years. I am currently taking cymbalta and adderall xr? any advice. I just feel so lonely, empty and the physical pain of it all makes things just about unbearable. Thanks for listening and sorry this is so long.

I can understand how traumatic all this is for you. Is there any way your doc can help--maybe talking to your husband (you'd have to give permission for that) about depression & that the physical & emotional pain is real & not your being "lazy" & that you can't just snap out of it? Your husband needs to be supportive, not critical, to help your recovery.

As far as the sexual harassment, I know companies do retaliate to people who claim this. They don't want it to be known that this kind of thing goes on & you have opened up a can or worms. Is it possible that you could get a lawyer who specializes in this to help you?

I don't know if I have been any help at all, but I do care & hope that means something.--Suzy

[Bella_Rose]

thank you so much. It does help to know that there is someone who understands. That is a great idea about my husband talking with my doctor,I see him tomorrow and will sign a form so that can happen.
thanks so much.

Good. The doc can tell him about the symptoms of depression & that you can't control them without proper medication & treatment. You can't "snap out of it." Once your husband understands this is an illness like any other he will have more compassion & not be so judgmental. Good luck tomorrow with your doc.--Suzy

[Sarah116]

Yes that is a good idea, I hope everything went okay! WELCOME TO PC!!!

[Bella_Rose]

well- I really don't think my husband truly understands english. I hate that I have hope each day that he will understand. He is very cruel. I wrote this just a few minutes ago.- am I crazy? do I want too much?

Overwhelmed I sit.
Looking to you,
for strength,
for help.

You,
look at me,
seeing what I don’t do.

Not who I am,
what I need.

I plead daily,
In different ways.
With the hope each morning,
That this will be the day you look my way…and smile.

Assuring me,
that I am safe with you.
That you are there for me,
where I need you most.

In my heart,
in my mind,
in my soul.

But in reality,
you only look at me and smile,
to be in my body.

My soul aches,
for the love you cannot give.
for the life,
I cannot live.

To you,
I do not exist.
Only this flesh,
which is my cage.

You cannot see.
And put the blame
on me.

Such a heavy load I have carried.
chasing after your words,
your promises,
wanting to see them unfold.
They never do.

I have lost my strength,
While you smile and carry on.
Leaving me to pick up the pieces,
alone.